


Toe Pick

by The_Little_Momaid



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Do they drink anything besides liquor in this fic?, F/M, Finn the Zamboni driver, Here come the Tessa and Scott feels, Ice Skating, Mentions of past abuse, Mutual Pining, Olympics, Praise Kink, Reylo is end game I promise, Size Kink, Slight Food Kink, Slow Burn, THE SMUT, The ice skating AU no one asked for, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unresolved Sexual Tension, did I mention slow burn?, lots and lots of alcohol, she has arrived
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 20:39:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 51,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13666881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Little_Momaid/pseuds/The_Little_Momaid
Summary: Rey needed a skating partner.Kylo needed to get back on the ice.A modern, ice skating AU.





	1. A Double First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome. This fic is inspired by the movie The Cutting Edge, but you don't need to have seen the movie to enjoy it. 
> 
> This is my first fic in the Star Wars fandom, and I'm SO excited to share this with you all!
> 
> Enjoy!

**Winter Olympics, Sochi. February, 2014**

 

Rey had just gotten into another fight with Luke about her “partner”- if you could even use that word. She needed to blow off some steam, couldn’t stand being in the rink anymore. The atmosphere was sickening- from the reporters, to the fans everything was pissing her off. Even the _national anthem_ that had just started to play was making the hair on the back of her neck prickle. As she huffed her way out of the locker room and stomped down the hall, the flags overhead were too long and were blocking her view. As she was about to round the corner, flicking a flag away from her face, she hit something hard.

 

Correction, she hit a man. _Hard_.

 

It was a solid hit, one that knocked her on her ass and sent her skates flying. The guy she ran into barely even flinched- just looked down at her stupefied.

 

Rey had had it at this point. Between the fight with Luke, her incompetent partner, and now this monster of a man that didn’t look where he was running!

 

“What are you-”

 

“Does this go up to the ice?!” The man began frantically picking up her skates.

 

“What?!”

 

“Does this go up to the ice?” The stranger dropped her skates in her lap, but didn’t even motion to help Rey up.

 

“Is that all you have to say? What, were you raised in a barn?” This nerfherder! He rams into her, knocks her on her ass and doesn’t even apologize or help her up? Who was this guy!

 

His frantic energy finally ceased or cooled for the time being as he looked down at Rey, still sitting on the ground. _Still not helping me up_.

 

“Honey, where I’m from, we stand for the national anthem.”

 

And then he was gone.

 

**Two Years Later.**

**February 2nd, 2016. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA**

 

Rey Jackson didn’t consider herself a picky person. Well, scratch that.

 

Rey Jackson didn’t consider herself an overly picky person.

 

She just wanted someone who could skate, dammit!

 

“I’ve got laundry that can skate better than that! No way, we need to find someone else.”

 

“Rey, this one didn’t even last a whole month! The Olympics are in two years- you need to just pick someone.” Rey’s coach, the famous Olympian Luke Skywalker, stood slumped against the wall in the office of his sister, Leia Organa-Solo, an equally famous olympic champion giving her that look. The brother and sister team were the most decorated pair skaters in US history. After retirement, they opened Resistance Skating Company. Between Luke as the head coach, and Leia as the president, the team has brought countless gold medals home in both pair and singles skating competitions.

 

“I can’t just pick some bum off the street! You saw what happened with Hercules last olympics.”

 

“Rey, that’s not his name.”

 

“Luke, didn’t you say I needed to find a partner that I felt a connection with? Well, I haven’t found that yet!”

 

“Rey, I’m getting to the bottom of the barrel here! Not even Spindler will come give you a try.”

 

“Well, find a different barrel then!”

 

Luke glanced toward his sister and gave a hefty sigh. “I’m honestly out of options Leia. I don’t know what to do.”

 

Leia stood and walked over to the display case in the opposite corner of the office. She picked up a picture frame and crossed back to Luke, handing him the photo. “I think I have an idea.”

 

**February 2nd, 2016. First Order Hockey Inc. The Knights of Ren Training and Practice Center. New York, NY.**

 

Kylo Ren wasn’t a picky eater. Well, scratch that.

 

Kylo Ren wasn’t an overly picky eater.

 

He just hated pineapples on his pizzas.

 

“Hux, is this some kind of joke? Who the fuck orders pineapple on a pizza?”

 

“Who the fuck asked you, Ren? Your pie is on the counter. Don’t yuck my yum.”

 

Kylo swiftly exited the team kitchen, pizza in hand, and made his way toward the coach’s room. Ever since his injury and taking the subsequent assistant coaching job for his old team, Kylo had been, well, _pent up._

 

And that was putting it mildly.

 

Every little thing set him off lately. He guessed it had something to do with the fact that he wasn’t ramming opposing players into ice rink walls and body checking his anger away on a daily basis anymore.

 

As he reached the door to the office, Kylo’s phone buzzed. Perching the pizza box precariously on his knee, he reached into his pocket, saw the caller ID and audibly groaned.

 

“Hello, Mother.”

 

**February 8th, 2016. Rebellion Skating Company. Boston, MA.**

 

“Solo? As in Leia’s last name? I didn’t know she had a son.” Finn’s voice was filled with disbelief.

 

Finn, Poe and Rey sat atop the Zamboni in the back mechanic’s room of the main rink.

 

“Me either! Apparently he figure skated as a child and won a bunch of competitions and then sort of dropped off the face of the planet. Well, until now that is.” Poe Dameron explained, a smirk on his face. He was enjoying Rey’s misery a bit too much for her liking.

 

“I can’t believe they had to ask Leia’s son to be my skating partner. Am I really that bad?” Rey took a sip of the bottle of wine the three were sharing. Part of their weekly routine - every Thursday the trio got together to commiserate over the week’s events atop the Zamboni. While drinking copious amounts of wine. And it was Heaven.

 

Since Rey was 11 and started training at Resistance, Finn and Poe were her best friends. Finn’s father had been a janitor and the Zamboni driver, and now Finn was following in his father’s footsteps while teaching some beginners skating lessons on the side. Poe was a singles figure skater, who won the silver medal last Olympics in Sochi. The three were thick as thieves.

 

“No! You’re a great partner.”

 

“Then why won’t you be my partner, Poe?”

 

Poe’s smirk grew into a full blown smile. “Because, my precious Rey of sunshine, I love our friendship. Sometimes, you’re a little too competitive and I wouldn’t want that to ruin our special bond.”

 

“Good save, buddy. Thanks anyway.” Rey took another swig of the wine.

 

“So when are you meeting him?”

 

“He’s supposed to be meeting me on the ice tomorrow morning.”

 

“Well that’s plenty of time!” Finn exclaimed, grabbing the bottle from Rey’s hand, standing up and taking a generous gulp.

 

“Plenty of time for what?”

 

“More wine!”

 

Rey laughed. “Finn! What part of my previous sentence did you not hear? I can’t be hungover meeting Leia’s son tomorrow!”

 

“Are you telling me you’re such a lightweight that you can’t have one more bottle of wine?”

 

Well, Rey was never one to back down from a challenge. With that thought in mind, she jumped from the Zamboni and walked toward the kitchen.

 

“Well are you two coming? I hid an emergency bottle in the cabinet above the fridge.”

 

**February 9th, 2016. Jakku Apartments. East Boston, MA.**

 

Rey’s alarm clock was louder than normal.

 

Well, okay. That may have something to do with the 3 bottles of wine that Finn, Poe and herself had consumed last night.

 

Maybe.

 

Sitting up in bed, Rey noticed that apart from the headache, she felt okay. _Just take some Advil and tough it out._ She’d done this before, as wine nights sometimes (usually) got a little out of hand if one of the three musketeers had a particularly bad week. Rey was no stranger to practicing a little hungover. But today was no ordinary day, she reminded herself. She was meeting _him_ today. The mysterious son, maybe even her Olympic partner if things turned out well. She felt lightheaded and her stomach was doing little flips flops. Honestly, she couldn’t tell if that was the hangover or not.

 

Rey popped some Advil and washed it down with some coffee as she began her morning routine. Once showered and dressed, she grabbed a second cup for the road and hopped in her car.

 

Her drive to the rink wasn’t far, and she actually made pretty good time all things considered. As she entered the rink Rey noticed that Leia’s office door was closed. Through the window, she could see Luke and Leia talking to a large, dark figure sitting with his back towards Rey.

 

That must be him.

 

Her stomach flipped a little again as Rey continued walking towards the girl’s locker room. _Am I still hungover?_ Her stomach was rock solid, normally. Maybe the third bottle of wine was a little overkill.

 

“Hey Rey!”

 

Rey looked up and saw Rose Tico and her sister Paige lacing their skates. The sisters were co-coaches to the younger synchronized skating team, having been on the Olympic team in Sochi. After a nasty hip injury, Paige stepped down and Rose followed suit, stunning many in the skating community as Rose still had one maybe even two Olympics left in her. But Rose said that if she couldn’t compete with her sister, she wouldn’t compete at all. So the pair took up coaching the younger team, winning Nationals last year and were favored to win again.

 

“Hey ladies! How’s it going?”

 

“Great! There’s a tall, dark and handsome stranger lurking around Leia’s office this morning. Excellent eye candy.” Paige replied with a wink. “I’m gona be on Rink B if you girls need me.”

 

As Paige exited, Rose stood up and took hold of Rey’s shoulders. “What happened last night?!”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Finn drunk texted me. Are you and Poe on again?!”

 

Rey groaned and the spotty memories from last night came back to her. “Oh no, we were just a little tipsy. You know how I get when I drink.” Her and Poe’s relationship - if you could call it that- was complicated. He was looking for something way more serious than she wanted to give, and quite frankly was able to give. Long-term relationships were few and far between for Rey, given her training schedule and, well upbringing. Besides, she needed alcohol to even feel a spark with Poe. If he was really the guy for her, shouldn’t she feel something all the time?

 

“Oh. Gotcha. Do you think maybe you guys should stop doing that? I feel like it’s kind of leading him on.”

 

“No, trust me, Poe understands completely what this is.”

 

“And what is that?” Rose looked skeptical.

 

“We are friends. Who sometimes make out if I’m a little drunk.”

 

Rose laughed, “Okay sweetie. As long as you know what you’re doing.” She exited the locker room, leaving Rey to finish getting ready.

 

As she exited the locker room into Rink A, Rey centered herself. It was part of her daily routine. Rey felt this connection to the ice, and when she did a little meditating it felt even stronger. Rey went through the moves and phases of her warm-up, surprised to not see Luke in the rink yet.

 

Usually by this point in her warm-up, Luke was sitting in the coaches box sipping coffee and going over the notes from last night’s run. But he wasn’t here yet. Must still be in Leia’s office.

 

No sooner had the thought crossed her mind, the doors to the rink opened and in walked Luke, Leia and what Rey assumed was the mysterious Ben Solo.

 

And boy, was Paige right.

 

The man lumbering behind Leia was huge. Tall, easily over 6’, with the muscles to backup whatever dark vibe was rolling off him in waves. Rey took in his flowy raven-black hair, ivory skin and deep eyes. His mouth, though, that’s what caught Rey’s attention. A little too big for his face, and currently in a little scowl, but full and lush and his _lips_ , a bright and deep red color made Rey a little flushed.

 

Rey blinked out of her ogling to skate backwards towards the entrance box as the three walked toward her.

 

“Rey! I’d like to introduce you to my son.” Leia spoke out first, once the group met at the box.

 

As Rey skated to stop, the man in question looked over to her finally, his intense gaze raking over her, soaking in every detail.

 

When their eyes locked, Rey felt a light blush creep up her face and her stomach gave a little flip again. _Okay, maybe I’m still a little hungover._

 

“Rey, this is B-”

 

“Kylo. My name is Kylo Ren.” This Kylo stepped onto the ice, coming up to meet Rey square on forcing her to look up.

 

“Well, Kylo. I’m Rey.” Rey extend her hand, her best competition smirk on her face. Kylo reached out to shake her hand, and Rey’s blush intensified. _Kylo Ren, I know that name. How do I know that name._

 

His hands were big and warm. A little rough, calloused, but _hot_. Rey’s thoughts drifted to what those hands might feel like on her arms, drifting up towards her neck and collarbone, the rough skin against her soft -

 

Rey jerked her hand away, a little breathy sound- caught between a cough and moan- escaping.

 

Kylo, it seemed, took it to mean he had hurt her. “What? My hand?”

 

_Yeah, let’s go with that._ “Well, yeah what do you do, soak them in battery acid?” Okay, that was a little harsh. _They weren’t that bad_.

 

Kylo’s smirk only intensified. “Oh I know they’re a little rough, but I’ve never had any complaints about them before.”

 

The little shit! That’s how this was going to go? “Oh I’m terribly impressed.” The sarcasm dripped off Rey’s voice like an ice cream cone on a hot summer night. She turned away, skating toward Luke and Leia. There was tug in the back of her mind. _Oh! Kylo Ren, of course!_

 

“I thought you said his name was Ben Solo? Isn’t Kylo Ren that hockey player that got injured at the Sochi games?”

 

Leia’s face dropped a fraction, and in an instant skating smile was back. “Yes well, they are one in the same.”

 

“A hockey player? Really? Is this some kind of joke, are there hidden cameras I should be looking for? Leia, you can’t be serious.” Rey was fuming. _A hockey player?_ What was he going to do, dance around with a stick and a puck while she carried the team on her back?

 

“I’m standing right here, Snow White. Don’t you worry about me.” Oh she did not like that nickname.

 

“Fine. Let’s see what you’ve got, Kylo.”

 

This was going to be fun.


	2. Truce?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo learns two things: Rey's favorite skating term, and how to apologize. Sort of.

**February 9th, 2016. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA.**

 

What. A. Fucking.  _Bitch._

 

Kylo knew he shouldn’t have come back. He wasn’t ready to deal with his mother 24/7, wasn’t ready to deal with seeing Luke again, or his father. And he most definitely was not ready to deal with her. Rey fucking Jackson.

 

But he had to. He missed the ice. He missed skating. He hated coaching with every fiber of his being, wanted to just skate until he forgot about his blind spot, his messed up peripheral vision. He’d felt drawn to the ice his entire life, basically growing up in a rink. When he was injured at the Sochi games and told he wouldn’t be able to play ice hockey again, a part of his soul died. Hockey was all he had.

 

So when his mother called him to offer him this position, he jumped at the chance without thinking all of the implications of this decision through. And Snoke, the head coach of the U.S. Olympic Hockey Team and President of First Order Skating Company, was weirdly overjoyed by this decision. First Order Skating Company - and more importantly Snoke- had their hands in all aspects and areas of skating. From hockey to figure skating, First Order was an elite group of athletes. And the biggest competition to Resistance.

 

“You can scope out the competition, maybe do a bit scouting in the Boston area. After all, Hux and Phasma will win anyway, so there’s not too much to worry about there. Besides, I think it will be good for you, going back and killing the past.” Snoke had said.

 

So here he was, “auditioning” for the role of skating partner to Rey Jackson.

 

What the actual fuck?

 

It was laughable. Kylo had been skating his whole life, probably longer than she was alive, why did he need to prove anything to that little ball of fire?

 

Granted, he hadn’t figure skated in what? Fifteen years?

 

That wasn’t the point. It was like riding a bicycle. He could pick it up again, no problem. He wasn’t the problem.  _For once_.

 

No,  _Rey_   was the problem.

 

That little firecracker! Most figure skaters Kylo knew were entitled, spoiled brats. He could handle them. Hell, he could  _more_  than handle them. And he did, often. But this? He didn’t know how to fucking deal with it.

 

Correction, he didn’t know how to deal with the fact that she wasn’t attracted to him. That was a first. He was a popular fling in the skating world, especially since he hated long term, serious relationships. Didn’t have the time, energy or connection with anyone to warrant that kind of commitment. But he was used to figure skaters and their polished, charming ways of seduction.

 

Rey, however, was neither polished nor charming.

 

Her accent, for one, was infuriating. He normally loved women with accents- hell he’d even actively seek them out if he was in the mood to scratch the itch- but her's was causing a fire to rip through his body every time she said his name. It was mostly English, that much was certain, but slipped into a weird amalgamation of a Boston and English accent on certain words. It made Kylo wonder where this girl grew up.

 

Then there was the maddening subject of her body. Oh yes, she had the body of a skater- light, airy, slightly curvy but with muscle underneath. There was raw power in her limbs and core. Power Kylo wanted to  _harness_.

 

So yeah, needless to say Kylo was a little distracted when she told him “let’s see what you’ve got,  _Kylo_.”

 

That’s the only explanation Kylo gave himself as to why he was so rusty on these godforsaken figure skates. It was all her fault.

 

That, and the stupid toe pick he forgot about.

 

He landed hard on his ass and looked up to hear Rey holding back a chuckle. “It’s called a toe pick. Ever heard of it?”

 

_That_  spiked his anger. “It’s been a while since I’ve used one, sweetheart.”

 

“He’ll pick it back up, don’t worry” Luke chimed in. Honestly, Kylo had kind of forgotten he and his mother were even in the rink.

 

While he was nowhere near being over what happened in the past with his uncle, his need and desire to skate again were vastly outweighing his other feelings on that subject matter. And their meeting this morning didn’t go  _that_ terribly. They both agreed to not discuss the past, not push the boundaries of their relationship outside that of coach and skater, and Kylo thought he could handle that.

 

For now, anyway.

 

They also agreed to Kylo’s two most important points. 1. He was able to pick out the music. 2. He didn’t have to see Han.

 

“Ben was a great figure skater. In fact, that’s how he learned. Before he started playing hockey, that is.” Leia spoke up now, her voice laced with something heavy- memories, emotion, regret- Kylo wasn’t sure.  _Nip it in the butt now, though._

 

“Well that was a long time ago, Mother. And it’s Kylo now.”

 

“In this rink, you’re Ben Solo. I don’t care what you call yourself back in New York, but here? When you’re home? You’re Benjamin.” The full wrath of Leia hadn’t been released yet, but Kylo knew to back down now before it got worse. He and his dad used to call her The General behind her back- and for good reason.

 

Kylo fell in line. “Fine. Are we starting?”

 

**February 20th, 2016. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA**

 

If Kylo had to hear Rey croon “Toe pick!” one more time, he was going to punch her.

 

She was being so unbelievably difficult on purpose- pushing his buttons relentlessly for some unknown reason.

 

“Yes Rey, I know how to use my fucking toe pick.”

 

“Then use it.”

 

“I’m trying.”

 

“Well try harder!”

 

So needless to say, the “pair bonding” aspect of their program needed a little bit of work.

 

**February 22nd, 2016. Kylo Ren’s Condo. Beacon Hill, Boston, MA**

 

Kylo’s relationship with his mother Leia was, well-  _complicated._

 

It had gotten relatively better in the past two years after his accident. And by better, he meant that they were on speaking terms. With the condition that neither party bring up his father, Han.

 

It was Leia who initiated contact, like she had in the past, but Kylo responded now. The only time he actively tried to communicate with Leia was when he was really struggling. So, naturally, he invited Leia over to his condo for a glass of wine to, well,  _discuss_  his problem.

 

“You need to find someone else, mother. There’s no way I can last two years with that skinny little brat!” Kylo yelled.

 

“Ben, there is no one else. You’re her only hope for the Olympics, and she’s yours. Do you want to go back to coaching?”

 

Kylo sighed, and bit down on the snark reply that almost leaked from his mouth. “No. I do not. But I also don’t want to be subjected to her endless torment.”

 

“Then find a way to connect. Apologize, try to bond with her, take her out to dinner, do something to show her you’re a person that could help her. Rey’s been through a lot more than you could possibly imagine. Trusting people, opening up to them- it’s not something she does easily. But if she can sense that your trying, she will too.”

 

So Kylo decided to try.

 

**Feb 25th, 2016. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA**

 

Kylo entered the rink this morning will his mind set. He was going to get Rey to like him.

 

Or at least tolerate him.

 

As he entered the practice rink, Rey was already there warming up. Kylo stood for a moment to watch her, enchanted by her sheer, raw talent. She was graceful, powerful and rhythmic. All the good and solid qualities of a skater, but she went further. She pushed herself, extending her lines cleaner and longer than he’d seen anyone else do since his mother and Luke. She was fierce and calm, light and solid at the same time when she skated.

 

Sensing eyes on her, Rey spun out of her camel position to lock eyes with Kylo. Their gazes held for a few moment before the intensity got to be too much for Kylo. 

 

“Rey, can we talk?”

 

He walked toward the entrance to the ice, and sat on the bench to put his skates on.

 

Rey skated towards him hesitantly. “Sure. What’s up?”

 

Kylo paused for a second, unsure how to begin. “I guess I want to, ah, apologize?”

 

Rey was visibly surprised. “You what?”

 

“Yeah. I want to apologize for anything I may have done to offend you or piss you off. I can sometimes be a little intense, I guess.”

 

“You guess?”

 

“I haven’t had a skating partner in I don’t know- fifteen years- so I can forget how ah, moody I be. I think.”

 

“You think?”

 

“Yeah, look Rey I’m trying to apologize would you just accept it okay?” Kylo stood at this point, the anger rolling off him in waves.  _What is her problem? Why couldn’t she just accept my damn apology!_

 

Rey laughed. “You call that an apology? You barely took any responsibility for your actions and how they impacted me. You showed no remorse or feeling! How is that an apology?!”

 

“Well it’s better than nothing at all, sweetheart, which is what I’m getting from you!”

 

Rey skated to the edge of the rink, almost off the ice. “Why should _I_ apologize? You come in here, attitude and ego the size of a  _mountain_   when you can’t even land a double salchow! Finn can even land one! So don’t tell me that I have to apologize when  _I_  was forced onto the defensive from the first word you spoke you, you-  _monster_!”

 

Kylo stepped up to meet her, chest to chest- her on the edge of the ice and he on the edge of the floor. “Look,  _princess_ \- I don’t appreciate your tone. You make it seem like I need you when you’re the one who’s less than two years out from the Olympics with no partner, no program and no chance. So don’t assume I need or want anything from you.”

 

_That_  got through. Rey pulled back slightly and Kylo instantly regretted pushing too far.

 

Softer, visibly deflated, Rey asked, “Then why are you here, Kylo? If I’m nothing and you don’t care, then just leave.”

 

Rey was about to pull back fully and skate away, so Kylo grabbed her arm to stop her. Rey gasped a little at the contact, and Kylo look down to where he was touching her. His whole hand easily wrapped around her arm, the physical size difference between them evident in this moment.

 

“I’m sorry. That was too far.” Kylo took a deep breath. “Look, Rey, you don’t have to like me. Hell, you can even really hate me. That’s fine. But skate with me. Please?”

 

Rey looked back up from where his hand was still wrapped around her arm. She, too, took a deep breath and closed her eyes, almost centering herself to help make this decision. She opened them, gazing straight into Kylo’s eyes and with a little nod replied, “Okay. Let’s do this." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! I wasn't originally going to post this chapter until later this week/early next week but I was so motivated by your response to this fic I had to get it out there.
> 
> Find me on tumblr (friendlyneighborhoodroomfriend) if you hate it, love it or feel indifferent towards it.


	3. A Golden Rink and a Bruised Nose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns she has a pretty powerful slap-shot. She also learns she has terrible aim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! A commenter recently suggested I start to define any skating terms I use in the chapter so here they are!
> 
> Slap-shot: A move in hockey in which a player winds up their shot and then 'slaps' the puck rather violently into the net. 
> 
> Toe pick: The grooved, jagged edge on the top of a figure skate. Figure skaters use this part of their skate to complete jumps, spins and footwork. 
> 
> Also, this chapter is one of my favorite scenes in the movie and some of the dialogue is taken straight from it. Enjoy!

**March 14th, 2016. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA**

 

Rey loved the morning. She was a rare, true morning person- always up with the sun no matter what. There was something special to her about sunrises- she liked them far better than sunsets. They were warm, inviting, with the promise of possibility. 

 

She especially liked watching sunrises from the brown Lazyboy in the rink that Luke would sometimes sit on, if he was feeling particularly tired that day. Rey found herself curled up on this very chair, her worn and well loved copy of  _ Pride and Prejudice _ open on her lap, wrapped in a quilt and watching the sunrise through the rink windows while Finn drove the Zamboni around the ice.

 

This was Rey’s favorite time of day, in her favorite place, with one of her favorite people.  _ This moment is perfect. _ Rey closed her eyes and inhaled deeply- the smell of her shampoo, the quilt and the rink mixing to create a calming and comforting scent that enveloped Rey.  The strong rays of the sun on her face warmed her even in the chilly-

 

_ CRASH _

 

Rey threw open her eyes to see Kylo in front of her, having thrown his equipment down rather forcibly, breaking her of her reverie. 

 

“Well good morning to you too, you neanderthal. Ever heard of the term gently?”

 

Over the past couple of weeks since his attempt at an apology, the pair had been relatively getting along. Kylo made an honest attempt at keeping his temper down, and Rey honestly tried to keep her defensive tactics from actually causing emotional harm.

 

What blossomed from that was a relationship based around teasing. She’d call him neanderthal, monster, brute. He’d call her ice princess, highness or Snow White. 

 

But it was all in good fun. Most of the time. 

 

Kylo plopped down at the base of the chair. “What are you doing here so early?” He began unpacking his bag and Rey could see that in addition to his figure skating equipment there was hockey equipment in the bag too. 

 

“I could as you the same question.”

 

Kylo tipped his head and smirked, “But I asked you first.”

 

“Well, sometimes I like to sit and read before practice. Exercise the mind, you know?”

 

“Couldn’t you do that at home?”

 

“I guess. But I like it here, in the mornings. I don’t know I’ve always been really drawn to the ice, especially during the sunrise. I love how the sunlight and the ice make the whole rink look bathed in golden.” Rey looked down at the book in her hands, feeling a little shy that she let something so personal slip. 

 

There was silence for a few moments, and when Rey got the courage to look back up at Kylo she saw something flash in his eyes before his mask dropped back on. She noticed he did that a lot- whenever he talked to Luke in particular. That cool, disconnected mask he wore had holes in his eyes, though, and Rey was beginning to get pretty good at reading them. “What are you reading?”

 

“ _ Pride and Prejudice _ . Ever read it?”

 

“I think maybe once in high school. Even then it probably wasn’t the whole thing. I liked to read and even write sometimes, but hockey took up most of my energy so I never really got into it.”

 

“You should read it again. I think you’d really like it.”

 

Kylo had finished putting his hockey skates on and stood up. He looked out to where Finn was leading the Zamboni off the ice, into the mechanic’s back room. “Alright, ice princess. I’ll tell you what. I’ll read  _ Pride and Prejudice _ on one condition.” Kylo looked back with a smirk on his face and mischief in his eyes. 

 

“And what’s that?”

 

“You win this one-on-one hockey game we’re about to play.”

 

Rey’s competitive nature sparked at the wager. 

 

“And what happens if you win?” Rey wasn’t stupid- she knew there had to be a catch. Something else to make his eyes glitter with excitement. 

 

“If I win, you buy all my hot chocolates for the next 2 months.”

 

“That’s it?” Rey felt a flash of disappointment as his pretty lame wager.  _ Hot chocolate? That’s all he wants? _

 

“That’s it. I’m always in the mood for hot chocolate. I really love things that are  _ sweet _ , Rey.” He said it predatorily, almost whispering the word  _ sweet _ at the end in a deeper tone Rey hadn’t ever heard form in before while hunger flashed in his eyes.  _ Wow he must really like hot chocolate. _

 

“Okay. You’re on. Get ready to fall in love with Jane Austen.”

 

Kylo chuckled and handed Rey a hockey stick. “You’re on, sunshine.”

 

\-----

 

Rey was not doing well. 

 

In the span of 10 minutes Kylo had scored 3 goals, stolen the puck from her 4 times and had made so many snide remarks that Rey had lost count. 

 

The only thing Rey could concentrated on was Kylo’s cocky smirk and how a fire of rage erupted inside her anytime he flashed it at her. 

 

Like now, for instance.

 

Rey finally broke free a little ahead of him with the puck, starting to gain momentum on her way towards her target and a goal, when he skated up her to her right and quickly cut across her left, stealing the puck and sending her flying on her ass as she tried to stop too sharply. He twirled back around, looking at Rey on the ground with that god forsaken smirk on his face and then he  _ laughed _ \- but all Rey saw was  _ red _ .

 

With a heaving breath, she stood and saw that the puck had drifted back toward her. Without even a second thought, Rey let out a scream. Using all her rage and might, she wound up her slap-shot and let it rip. 

 

She thought she was aiming for the goal. She really did. 

 

Apparently, she was so hyper focused on his goddamn smirk, his stupid face, his annoying laughter that she was really aiming for his face.

 

And she hit her mark with scary accuracy. 

 

**March 14th, 2016. Massachusetts General Hospital, Emergency Room. Boston, MA**

 

Rey sat in the waiting room, with a  _ silent _ Luke to her right, bouncing her leg up and down. Repeatedly. For the past 2 hours. 

 

She glanced over at him- he was  _ reading _ for crying out loud. Feeling eyes on him, Luke looked up from his book and raised an eyebrow at Rey.

 

“Well it’s not like his face was perfect anyway!” Rey replied with a huff. “He’s the one that wanted to play!”

 

Luke looked back down at the newspaper, not giving Rey the satisfaction of a reply. 

 

“It’s like those idiots that go around insisting you punch them in the stomach as hard as you can.”   
  


Still no reply.

 

“I don’t know why I’m explaining this to you.” Rey crossed her arms and sunk down into the chair. “All I did was play his stupid game. Next thing I know you’ll be telling me how guilty I sound.”

 

“It’s not guilt, Rey” Luke  _ finally _ said something- still not looking up from his newspaper though. 

 

“Well at least we can agree on that.”

 

“It’s fear.”

 

“What?” Rey laughed a little. “What do I have to be afraid of?”  _ Should I be afraid? _

 

“You’ve finally found yourself a partner, Rey.”

 

Before she could respond to tell Luke how wrong he was, she caught movement out of the corner of her eye and saw Kylo. 

 

“Oh my God!”

 

She ran up to him, being pushed by a nurse out of the doors of the emergency department into the waiting room in a  _ wheelchair _ .

 

Rey looked up at the nurse behind him. “I thought it was just a cut on his nose!”

 

Kylo’s entire head was wrapped in a bandage. He looked like a mummy from the neck up and he was moaning a little in pain, too. 

 

_ Oh Maker, what have I done? _

 

The nurse chuckled a little, patting Kylo on the shoulder and said to Rey, “He’s all yours.”

 

The moans from Kylo hadn’t stopped, and it was almost like he was trying to say something to her. 

 

Rey put her hand on his shoulder, feeling the heat from him warming up her perpetually cold hands. “What? What is it?”

 

One of Kylo’s hand came up to his forehand and grabbed the top of the bandages. He began to pull down, and before Rey could stop him, the wrappings were off his face and she saw it.

 

His nose was bruised, obviously, and there was a little cut on the bridge of his nose, closer to his right eye where Rey could see  _ one _ stitch. 

 

_ One stitch? That’s it? _

 

He had her so worried!

 

“Hey Rey?”

 

She locked eyes with him, broken from her thoughts to see his mouth tick up slightly into a smirk.

 

“Toe pick.” He crooned. 

 

“Ugh!” Rey stormed off hearing Luke and Kylo chuckle. 

 

“What’s her problem?” Kylo asked, standing from the wheelchair and watching Rey walk away.

 

“I think she’s nervous about a rematch.” Luke said, still chuckling as he patted his nephew on the shoulder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I should have the next chapter for you all Tuesday by the latest.


	4. You're Gona Need A Bigger Boat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo learns Rey's favorite movie. 
> 
> Rey learns Kylo overdresses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! No new skating terms, but I have updated the tags so please be aware. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**July 25th, 2016. Kylo Ren’s Condo. Beacon Hill, Boston, MA**

 

Kylo’s phone buzzed for the third time, as he laid in bed avoiding that particular phone call.

 

He told himself it was because it was late, and he had an early morning workout the next day.  _ That’s _  why he didn’t want to pick up the phone.

 

Kylo was pretty great at lying to himself.

 

He knew who it was, what it was about, and honestly Kylo just could not deal with that right now. Because he hadn’t done _  anything  _ Snoke had asked him to do, and how could he tell him that? So Kylo did another thing he was great at- avoiding the problem until it blows up in his face.

 

Which, surprise surprise, he didn’t have to wait long.

 

**August 1st, 2016. Kylo Ren’s Condo. Beacon Hill, Boston, MA**

 

The knock on the door was loud enough to be heard over the music blaring from Kylo’s headphones, and that should have been a warning.

 

Hell, Kylo should have known better than to think this was just going to go away.

 

He did not expect Snoke to send Hux and Phasma to him though.

 

Armitage Hux and Katarina Phasma were Snoke’s other proteges. The pair have won six National Championships, two gold medals and are favored to win this upcoming Olympic games. It was rumored they were also just as close off the ice as they were on it and even Kylo couldn't tell if those rumors were true. He had a complicated, love/hate relationship with the pair in which he loved Phasma and hated Hux. So not complicated at all, then. 

 

They marched into his apartment without a word, filling the space with a grey, cold sense of dread.

 

“Come on in, I guess.” Kylo muttered.

 

The pair stood side by side in the middle of Kylo’s living room, looking expectantly at him.

 

“What? I’m sure you two have something to say, so spill.”

 

Hux and Phasma exchanged glances and then Phasma drifted off into the kitchen, presumably to look for alcohol of some kind.

 

“You know why we’re here Ren. I’m surprised you don’t seem more nervous.”

 

“If I was really in trouble, you two wouldn’t be here.” Kylo wasn’t sure if he was saying that to make a dig at Hux, or to comfort himself.

 

“He’s not happy with the lack of communication. Have you discovered anything useful in your time here?”

 

“Nothing to report yet.”

 

“I don’t think you’re taking this as serious as you should, Ren!” Hux sputtered out, face gradually getting redder by the word.

 

Phasma made her way back toward the two men, having found the open bottle of whiskey on the counter and handed a glass to Hux, who drank deeply.

 

“Ren, this isn’t a joke. Either come forward with something useful, or come home.” Phasma and Hux downed the rest of their whiskey and exited Kylo’s condo.

 

**August 5th, 2016. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA**

 

Rey knew something was wrong.

 

Kylo had been acting strange all week- distant and dark like the first day she met him.

 

It was disheartening, considering how far they had come.

 

Rey thought they were really getting somewhere- it seemed their frenemies bit was starting to turn into real a friendship. But then he pulled away and Rey didn’t know  _ why. _

 

It was a Friday, and usually on Friday nights Rey would do one of two things- go home and take a long bath with one of her favorite bath bombs or be forced by Rose, Poe and Finn to go out into the city. Saturday was her day off, so she could let her hair down a bit without fear of practicing too hungover.

 

This Friday, Rey had other plans.

 

As practice ended, Luke exited the rink while the pair were ending their cool-off routine. Kylo cut it short and started to make his way to the bench to take off his skates, but Rey cut him off before he could make it to the edge of the rink.

 

“Hey. Do you have plans tonight?”

 

Kylo blinked in surprise, as this really deviated from their normal routine.

 

“Ah, no. Unless you count Chinese take-out and a glass of whiskey as plans.”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t.”

 

“Well then I guess I don’t have plans.” Kylo pushed Rey aside, and continued toward the bench.

 

“Well would you like to have some?” Rey called out from behind him. He stopped in his tracks, whole body tensing in surprise.

 

“That depends.” Kylo spun around and leaned back against the wall of the rink. “What did you have in mind?”

 

“Pick me up at 7 at my place and I’ll tell you.”

 

“I hate surprises, Rey.”

 

“Yeah but I love them. See you at 7.”

 

**August 5th, 2016. **Jakku Apartments. East Boston, MA.****

 

Rey had  _ nothing _  to wear.

 

Most of her wardrobe consisted of skating costumes, work out gear and clubbing outfits. She really didn’t have a lot of casual, surprise date - but not really a date cause that’s not what her and Kylo are- clothing.

 

So Rey made do. She settled on a green pleated skirt with white checkered print so had worn to Rose's birthday dinner two years ago and a satin purple tank top she normally wore out to the club. Even though it was August and it was hot, sometimes it could get chilly, especially on the beach, so she grabbed a grey sweater and threw that in her bag. She wore grey heels but had a pair of flip in her bag also, along with a large bottle of wine and the blanket they were going to need.

 

Rey’s phone buzzed as she began to ponder what to do with her makeup.

 

_ New Message- From: Kylo Ren _

 

_ You know, it’s hard to plan an outfit around a surprise. _

 

Rey chuckled.

 

_ New Message- To: Kylo Ren _

 

_ Wear something you won’t mind getting sand on. _

 

_ New Message- From: Kylo Ren _

_   
_ _ Sand? Are we going to the beach? Should I pack my speedo too? _

 

_ New Message- To: Kylo Ren _

 

_ Only if you plan on getting laughed at. _

 

Rey locked her phone, and focused on her pile of makeup spread out over the counter.

 

Rose would always do Rey’s makeup if they were going out, partly because Rey was hopeless but also in part because Rey didn’t have the patience to blend anything.

 

She spent the next hour applying foundation, mascara and a little eyeliner from the memory of how it felt when Rose put it on her.

 

As Rey was finishing her lipstick, she heard a knock on her door. Glancing at her phone to check the time she saw it was exactly 7:00.  _ Punctual- I’ll give him that. _

 

She opened the door and instantly regretted not telling Kylo what they were doing. He was  _ way _  overdressed.

 

He had a black dress shirt underneath a very expensive looking black blazer. His black slacks were perfectly tailored and his hair looked extra shiny and lucious in the light of her doorway.

 

“I said sand dude! You plan on going to the beach in  _ that _ ?”

 

Kylo smirked. “I have a change of clothes in the car. I didn’t know if we were doing dinner or anything before.”

 

“Nope! Go get your clothes and change. You look ridiculous.”

 

**August 5th, 2016. Winthrop Beach. Winthrop, MA**

 

“Oh right there!”

 

Rey and Kylo found a parking spot right in front of Cafe Rosetti’s. The restaurant was one of Rey’s favorites and conveniently located across the street from the beach where the giant screen was being set up. The movie didn’t start for another 45 minutes, which gave them plenty of time.

 

Winthrop- a small beach town that sits on the northern side of Boston- is about 3 minutes from Rey’s apartment and holds a special place in her heart. Every year, the town sets up a giant projection screen on the beach and shows  _ Jaws _ , one of Rey’s favorite movies.

 

“So you weren’t kidding when you said sand, huh?”

 

Kylo’s second choice of an outfit was definitely more suited for this activity. He wore a pair of black jeans with a soft, plain black t-shirt that fit snugly against his muscled body and black Birkenstocks.

 

“Nope! Come on, we still have to get pizza and find a good spot.”

 

After procuring their pizza, Rey and Kylo found a spot on the beach, towards the back away from the screen. Rey took out the blanket and placed in on the sand. She sat down, motioning Kylo to follow suit. Once the were situated, she pulled out the bottle of wine from her bag and unscrewed the top.

 

“What else you got in there, Mary Poppins?” Kylo chuckled at his own joke.

 

“Are you complaining about how prepared I am?”

 

“Not at all.”

 

The two ate their pizza in a peaceful silence, both people watching as the beach filled in.

 

“So how did you discover this place? I grew up in Boston and had no idea this town even existed.”

 

“This was the town I was brought to, when I moved here from England.”

 

“Brought to?”

 

“I was adopted, actually.” Rey looked down at the pizza in her hands. She hated this part- the look of pity, the obligatory “sorry” that followed.

 

“Oh. I uh, didn’t know that.” Kylo coughed a little, taking a swig of the wine.

 

“There’s a lot you don’t know.” Rey replied, grabbing the bottle from Kylo and taking a drink of her own.

 

It looked like Kylo was about to reply with something, but then the movie started.

 

“ _ Jaws _ ? Really, Rey?” Kylo laughed.

 

“Shut up and watch the movie.”

 

\-----

 

Once the movie finished, Kylo and Rey cleaned up their mini-camp and decided to walk along the beach. It was beautiful summer night- the warm breeze mixed with the cool sea mist to create a perfect temperature around them.

 

“So what part of England are you from?” Kylo asked.

 

“Westminster. But I was only there until I was about 11, and then I came to the States.”

 

Kylo nodded a little, waiting for Rey to continue. She didn’t.

 

“What?”

 

A small laugh escaped Kylo. “Normally all girls want to do is talk about themselves. But it’s like pulling teeth with you to get anything out of you.”

 

“Well, what do you want to know?”

 

“Anything! Why did you start skating, how long have you been skating, do you miss England, how did you get to skate with Resistance? We’re partners, we should, ya know,  _ know  _ more about each other.”

 

Rey shook her head. “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

 

“I do, Rey. Please.” Kylo stopped, and grabbed Rey’s wrist stopping her in front of him.

 

She looked up into his deep chocolate eyes, pupils blown wide by the wine and the moonlight. In this moment, she felt like she could tell him and maybe he wouldn’t run away like her other partners had. Or maybe that was the wine talking.

 

“Okay.” Rey nodded and pulled away, starting to walk along the water again. Kylo walked next to her, listening intently to her story.

 

“I started skating when I was six, I think. The foster home I was in was right next to a rink, and there was this back entrance I would sneak into after I found it one day. At first, I would just watch since I didn’t have any skates, but one day I found this pair by the dumpster and they fit, so I started to sneak in a skate. Taught myself, basically. My foster father at the time, this giant oaf of a guy named Plutt, he found out what I was doing and hated it.” Rey took a deep breath, and centered herself. This was the other part of the story she hated, as it usually ended with whatever party she was telling it too walk away, or worse.

 

“He, uhm, hit me. And after that, I got adopted by this family that lived here.” Rey looked up towards Kylo, expecting disgust or pity on his face, the usual look after she shared this particular part of her past. Instead, she just saw an openness- a vast sense of calm as Kylo took in her story.

 

“My adoptive parents put me into skating lessons once I got here and they found out I liked to skate. I didn’t start with Resistance until I was about eleven or twelve, after Han found me.” Kylo’s sharp inhale was the only interruption as Rey continued. “We had this car repair place that I would sometimes hang out in and help with. One day, this beat up old Ford came in after having broken down outside the rink. Turns out it was Han, doing some scouting for Leia. My dad fixed the car and while they were waiting, we got to talking. The next day I went to Resistance and skated for them. I’ve been skating there ever since.”

 

“That’s not everything, is it?” Kylo said, quietly.

 

“Guess we can add perceptive to your list of skills, huh?” Rey choked down a bitter laugh.

 

“A couple days after my 18th birthday, they were killed. In a boating accident.” Rey’s eyes got misty as her mind filled with images from the aftermath of the accident.

 

Instantly, she was engulfed in Kylo’s warm embrace and shivered.

 

“I’m sorry Rey. That’s a lot to have gone through.” Kylo’s breath tickled the top of her head.

 

Rey looked up into his eyes, and hugged him back. “It was worth it. I couldn’t be where I am today without everything that’s happened.”

 

“Rey, I-”

 

A loud, harsh buzzing from Kylo’s pocket broke the moment.

 

Kylo’s jaw locked as he read the caller ID.

 

“Everything okay? Do you need to take it?”

 

“No, it’s fine. It can wait. Let’s get you home, you’re shivering.”

 

While that was true, it wasn’t the cool ocean mist that was making Rey shiver. That’s just what she told herself.

 

**August 5th, 2016. Kylo Ren’s Condo. Beacon Hill, Boston, MA**

 

Glass of whiskey in hand, Kylo braced himself against the big bay windows of his condo that overlooked the Commons, viewing all his missed calls.

 

Hitting reply, he downed the whiskey just finishing in time as the line picked up.

 

“Ah, my dear Kylo Ren. How kind of you to get back to me. Tell me, dear boy, what have you been up to?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I had to shamelessly plug my hometown into this fic somewhere I'M SORRY. 
> 
> Yes, we do have Jaws Night on the Beach, and yes we are a quintessential New England beach town. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Baby It's Cold Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo gives Rey a gift.
> 
> Rey gives Kylo a choice.

**December 24th, 2016. Kylo Ren’s Condo. Beacon Hill, Boston MA**

 

Kylo didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up.

 

It had been 4 months of playing both sides and Kylo was  _ exhausted _ . He was running out of ideas and ways to keep Snoke off his ass. He definitely was running out of luck - it was a miracle he hadn’t gotten caught sneaking around Resistance looking for little things he could leak. 

 

It was confusing and conflicting for Kylo, but that wasn’t even the worst part. 

 

He was starting to actually  _ like  _ skating with Rey. And that was complicating things. 

 

This wasn’t supposed to go down this way. He was supposed to use this as a way to get back on the ice and get some revenge at the same time. Instead, he’d accomplished nothing. Nothing but making Snoke angry and Hux smug. 

 

Kylo had thought Snoke would leave him alone after he gave Snoke the thumbdrive of their routine. He reasoned that Hux and Phasma could use it to see what they were up against to gain an advantage at Nationals. Kylo knew it was weak- everyone would see the routine at Regionals in a few weeks anyway, but it was all he could think of that wasn’t really _ that _ bad. Instead of taking some heat off, it just made Snoke eager for more and angry when Kylo couldn’t deliver.

 

So here he was, halfway through his third glass of scotch, trying to forget how much of an utter and complete mess he was in when he heard the knock on his door. 

 

He opened it to find Rey, glowing like sunlight in his dark condo. She had her mahogany hair pulled back from her face, tumbling in waves down her back, and her face and coat were covered in a light coating of snow.

 

“Hey, scavenger.” That was one of Kylo’s new nicknames for her. He had started calling her that after their night on the beach, when Rey had opened up to him. Seeing that image in his mind- of a little Rey, scavenging through garbage to find a pair of ice skates - was a turning point for Kylo. How could he hurt someone who was so trusting and open after all that she’d been through?

 

Oh, right. Because he was a monster, that’s why. She’d said it herself. 

 

Rey must have sensed his inner monologue spiraling into darkness because she put her hand on Kylo’s arm and gave it a small squeeze. “You okay? You look tired.”

 

“I am.” Kylo sighed and stepped aside so that Rey could enter.

 

She’d never been in his condo before, and Kylo watched as she took in the cool grey marbled tones of his place. The front door opened into a large living area with grey couches around a marble stone table in front of a fireplace where Kylo had a lone log burning. To the right of the large living room was a hallway that led to the bedrooms and bathrooms. To the left was Kylo’s kitchen, a long marbled center island with stools and low hanging lights that gave it a bar-like feel. The best part of the place were the large bay windows directly in front of where Rey stood, opposite of the entrance way. They overlooked the Boston Commons, a sprawling green and blue backdrop to an otherwise colorless world. 

 

“This is a really nice place.” Rey walked towards the couches dropping her bag, unzipping her winter coat and shrugging it off. She placed it on the arm of the couch nearest the fire, to help dry it off. Next were her boots and socks which she placed on the floor directly in front of the fire. She moved in front of the couch, toes wiggling into the plush black area carpet.

 

“It’s okay. Can I get you anything?” Kylo walked towards the kitchen on a mission to pour himself another glass of scotch. 

 

“What are you drinking?” Rey called as she lowered herself onto the couch and sunk in. 

 

“Scotch.” Kylo called back. “Lots of scotch.” That last part was muttered under his breath as he grabbed the bottle and an extra glass for Rey. 

 

He sat next to her on the couch, pouring the scotch and placing it on the table in front of her. 

 

“So this is what the great Kylo Ren does on Christmas Eve, huh?” Rey smirked as she took a sip of the scotch. It was one of Kylo’s favorites- a dark, smokey cinnamon flavor balanced by the brightness of a citrus finish. 

 

“I don’t really celebrate the holidays.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes. “Of course you don’t, you Grinch. Or would it be Scrooge?”

 

“Either fits, really.”

 

“You do know they both redeem themselves at the end of the story, though.” She said with a small smile. 

 

“Maybe it’s not a perfect fit then.” Kylo sighed and leaned back into the couch more. 

 

Rey looked down at her hands, swirling the scotch around. They were quiet for a few moments, the only sounds coming from the busy streets of Boston outside. 

 

“I have something for you.” Rey said. She place the glass on the table and leaned over for her bag on the floor. Kylo took in the flash of tanned, smooth skin from where her sweater rose up her back. 

Kylo felt too warm, so he rose to his feet and started towards his bedroom. “I have something for you too. Hold on let me grab it.”

 

When he returned from his bedroom, Rey was sitting on the couch with her legs crossed, a small rectangle wrapped in a deep blue wrapping paper in her lap. The glass of scotch was empty on the coffee table, and Kylo saw a light flush to her cheeks. 

 

He came around to take his spot next to her on the couch again, dropping the large gift bag filled to the brim with tissue paper by her feet. 

 

She put her own bundle down next to her, forgotten for the moment as she pulled the large bag into her lap instead. 

 

“What do you get the girl who has everything, right? I hope you like it. Merry Christmas, Rey.” 

 

She gave him a bright smile as she tore through the tissue paper and pulled out her present. She moved the bag off her lap and stood up to shake out the jersey. Her smile wasn’t as bright, instead she had an intense, thoughtful look in her eye. 

 

“It’s mine. A lucky one, actually. I wore it in our final game against Germany when I won my first gold medal.”

  
  
Rey was silent, still just looking at the jersey in her hands.  _ Oh my God, she hates it. What a dumb present. _

 

“You know, it was stupid, I’ll take it back.” Kylo moved toward it to take it from her hands, but with the speed of a cat Rey moved it away from his hands. 

 

“No! I love it. Thank you.” Rey’s smile warmed Kylo deeper than any scotch had done. 

 

“Wait! I completely forgot your gift.” Rey bent down to retrieve the forgotten package, handing it to Kylo.

 

She watched intently as he ripped the flimsy paper away with ease to reveal the book underneath. 

 

“Even though I lost,  _ Pride and Prejudice _ is still a classic that I think you’d really like.” She smirked up at him. 

 

“You know I never did get my hot chocolate.” 

 

Rey laughed- full and bright an genuine and Kylo found himself chuckling along. 

 

“Well let’s remedy that. I do owe you quite a few.” Rey stood from the couch and bounced over to Kylo’s kitchen area. 

 

“You know it's not really you buying the hot cocoa for me if you use my fucking ingredients.” Kylo chuckled and followed her, leaning against the kitchen island as he watched her scavenge about his kitchen.

 

“True, but I’m making it. So that kind of counts- you don’t have to lift a finger.” She called back over her shoulder, pouring milk into the pot he normally used and turning the burner on.

 

As the milk began to heat, she started rummaging through his cabinets- presumably to find the cocoa powder. 

 

“You know you could ask where the cocoa powder is. Might be easier.”

 

“But then I couldn’t look through all of your stuff.” Rey looked back over her shoulder to give Kylo a sly smile. She found the cabinet with the dry goods and brought the jar of cocoa powder onto the counter. Kylo was struck by how easily she moved about his space, especially when she grabbed two mugs - already knowing where they were since she had discovered them on her quest for the cocoa powder- to bring them over to the island where Kylo was leaning. 

 

As she poured powder into the mugs, Kylo started to chuckle. 

 

“That’s not how you do it.” 

 

Rey looked up from the jar of cocoa powder, her nose scrunched up at his comment. “What are you talking about? This is how I’ve always made it.”

 

Kylo came around the island, moving to the spice rack next to the stove, behind Rey so they were standing across from one another. “Oh, no. That’s amateur hour. Go sit, and let the master work.” Kylo rolled the sleeves of his sweater up and bent down to get his mixing bowl from the lower cabinet.

 

“Oh, now you’re a master hot chocolatier? Is there anything you can’t do?” Rey voice was thick with sarcasm. 

 

Kylo rose from bending over, mixing bowl in hand, and quickly looked back behind him at Rey. Her eyes flickered back up to his quickly, but not quick enough. 

 

_ Was she checking out my ass? _

 

“Can’t whistle to save my life. But that’s about it.” Kylo placed the bowl down on the counter, and began rummaging through his kitchen to gather the ingredients for Leia’s secret hot cocoa recipe. 

 

Rey was leaning against the center island, watching Kylo work. “Really, that’s it? The only thing wrong with you is that you can’t whistle?” 

 

Even with Kylo’s back toward her, he could feel the smile on her face. “Oh, no that’s not what I said.” Kylo chuckled. “There’s plenty wrong with me.” Plenty was an understatement.  _ Let’s not open that door. _

 

Rey’s laughter filled the kitchen- a short little burst of light in the dark space of his condo. “Plenty might be overkill. A fair amount sure. But you’re not all that bad, I guess.” Kylo looked away from his cocoa mixture behind him at Rey. Her eyes were twinkling with mischief at the joke but behind that Kylo could see something else. 

 

“Thanks for that backhanded compliment, scavenger.” 

 

Rey shrugged her shoulders. “I have to keep you honest. Can’t let that big head of yours get any bigger.”

 

Kylo, having finished the cocoa mixture, grabbed his own mugs from the cabinet to place next to Rey’s forgotten ones on the island. “No, I guess we can’t.” He poured the milk from the stove into the mugs, and stirred until the cocoa mix was fully dissolved. 

 

He handed Rey her mug, grabbing his own with his other hand. “ _ This _ is how you make hot cocoa.” 

 

“I will be the judge of that.” Rey smirked and blew on the surface of the drink to cool it. She took a small sip, closing her eyes and letting the liquid slowly enter her pursed lips. Kylo was distracted by watching her, and when she gave a little breathy moan as she fully tasted the hot cocoa and swallowed the liquid, he almost dropped his mug. 

 

“Kylo this is amazing! No wonder why you like hot cocoa so much if this is the kind you drink.”

 

“It’s what I grew up on. Leia’s recipe. They served it at the concession stand, have you never gotten a hot cocoa at the rink?”

 

“Never. Clearly I’ve been missing out.”

 

“I could teach you how to make it, if you’d like.”

 

“Yes, please!” Rey took another large sip from her mug. Her cheeks were getting flushed from the heat of the cocoa.

 

“Alright. Finish that first,” Kylo nodded his head to the rest of her drink. “And then if you want another cup I’ll show you how to make it.”

 

\------------

 

3 hours later, Rey was curled on Kylo’s couch, mug in hand. This was her 5th cup of cocoa, and after her third Kylo had taught her how to make his special recipe- which just included lots of Bailey’s Irish Cream. Due to the large amounts of liquid they were drinking, Kylo was in the bathroom, leaving Rey alone for the moment. 

 

Their relationship perplexed Rey. Sometimes they’d get along perfectly fine, like partners do. Other times, they’d be fighting with the ferocity of lions from opposing prides.   

 

Then there was this third pattern of behavior that they sometimes fell into- like the night they saw  _ Jaws _ . It was the most interesting to Rey- and the one that scared her the most. In these moments, Rey felt connected to him - like a force was pulling her towards him. There was an openness about these moments- it felt like Rey could tell him anything without fear of rejection or judgement. 

 

When Kylo made his way back into the living room, he might as well have had a storm cloud over his head. Everything about him was taught with tension, his face was pulled into a scowl and he held the remains of a shattered phone in his hand. 

 

“Is everything all right?” Rey stood from the couch, blanket falling at her feet.

 

Her voice seemed to shake Kylo out of whatever mood he had been in. His face relaxed into a cool, neutral mask- one that Rey had seen many times. 

 

“Fine. I uh- think we better get you home. It’s almost midnight.” Kylo moved toward the front door and started to put his boots on. 

 

Rey came next to him where he was bent over to tie his laces. “Kylo.” She put her hand on his shoulder, a luxury she normally couldn’t afford given his height, but with him hunched it was an easy feat, but he flinched away slightly. Like her touch was causing him pain. 

 

“What happened?” 

 

Kylo looked up at her, his eyes a little glassy and his jaw clenched. “Nothing, Rey. Let’s get you home.”

 

He went to stand, but Rey’s light touch on his shoulder became a forceful one and she pushed down, to keep him from standing. “Dammit, Kylo, talk to me!”

 

She saw a flash of something in his eyes, but it was gone before she could recognize it. Instead, there was deep emptiness to his gaze. He looked broken and tired. Like he was fighting some internal battle that Rey wasn’t privy to. 

 

Luckily for Kylo, Rey was good at fixing broken things. And her partner needed her, clearly. So here she was.

 

“I opened up to you, Kylo. I told you things no one else knows. I feel this connection to you, and I need to know that I’m not alone here.”

 

“You’re not alone, Rey.”

 

“Neither are you. So please, tell me what’s wrong.”

 

Kylo closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. He held it for a moment, along with all the tension in his body and then let it all out. 

 

“It’s my old boss, Snoke. He wants me to come back to First Order.”

 

“Oh. Are you going to-” Rey cut herself off before she could ask what she really wanted to.  _ Are you going to leave me? _

 

“Well, no. Because that’s not all.”

  
  
“What else is there?”

 

Kylo took in a sharp, quick breath. “He wants you to come with me. Skate with me, still. But for First Order.”

 

Rey’s hand fell from his shoulder and she took a step away from him. “Kylo I can’t do that. I skate for Resistance. I won’t leave them.”

 

Kylo reached out for Rey this time, but she was a little too far even for his long arms to reach, so he just held it there in the air. "Please, Rey." His voice cracked. 

 

"No. My family, my friends- everything is here, Kylo. I'm not going to betray them and just run off to First Order with you."

 

He didn’t look angry- just resigned. “Alright. Let's go." He stood up, his shoulders slumped in defeat."

 

"Wait."

 

He froze. "What, Rey."

 

"Stay, Kylo. Don't go back to them. Stay here, in Boston. With Resistance. With your family. With me. Stay and skate and win with me, Kylo." _You can't leave me._

 

He let her question rest in the air for what seemed like eternity. The only movement from either of them were the rise and fall of their chests as they breathed in the gravity of the situation. 

 

"Rey, let's get you home."

 

"That's not an answer." Rey stepped closer to him now, desperate to find any sign or clue as to his decision. 

 

"I know." He put a hand up to stop her advance both physically and verbally. "I can't give you one right now, Rey. I need-." He broke off, clenching his jaw again and turning away from her. 

 

Rey could sense there were bigger things in play here, so she would give him the space he needed, even if it hurt. "We have the week off, Kylo, until the new year. Take the time and figure it out." She approached again, slower this time, and softer. "Just know that there will always be a place at Resistance for you, no matter what you decide." 

 

Kylo nodded. "Thank you." 

 

"And Kylo?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Merry Christmas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW I'm sorry it took so long for this update! Life got in the way- but I should be back to regular updates again! Whatever that means.


	6. Auld Lang Syne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben learns that Rey loves sparklers.
> 
> Rey learns what Ben wanted to be when he grew up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is by far the longest chapter I've written, but I had a snow day so here we are.

**December 31st, 2016. The Castle. Boston, MA.**

 

Rey stood on the front porch of the Organa-Solo house with a tight bundle of anxiety pooling at the bottom of her stomach. She felt like she had just dropped low on a fast moving rollercoaster- a feeling she had absolutely never felt coming here before. Rey found a warm comfort whenever she found herself at the home of Leia and Han. This feeling was new, and she knew exactly why she was feeling it. 

 

It had been a full week since Ben’s plea and her ultimatum and she hadn’t heard a peep from him.  _ At all _ . Rey was used to seeing him five to six times a week, so this change from her routine was leaving her reeling. His absence left a small ache in her chest, a tightness that made it difficult to breathe fully.  _ That’s what happens when your partner leaves. _

 

But had he?

 

There was a chance, a small one, that Ben would choose her over his career at First Order. This little hope sparked in the back of her head and had been keeping her from going totally crazy the past week. 

 

This was ridiculous. There was a chance he wasn’t even here. In the eleven years that Rey had been skating with Resistance and attending Leia and Han’s annual New Years Eve Party she had never seen Ben there. Why would this year be any different?

 

Rey wasn’t sure if that thought gave her comfort or distress.

 

Rey took another moment to focus and ground herself, letting the bitter cold New England air cleanse her lungs, chest and mind. She knew better than to knock- after the third year of her attempts at some manners Leia gave her a stern, exasperated look and said, “Rey, knocking is for guests. You, my dear, are family. Just come in.” 

 

Every year Rey felt Leia and Han couldn’t possibly top the last, but somehow they did. Opening the door to the Castle - the name given to their house because that’s exactly what it looked like- Rey was in shock again. Of course they had outdone themselves. 

 

The Castle stood on a low sloping hill in the middle of the Jamaica Plain neighborhood of Boston- a serene, green escape from the bustling cool gray city life of the usual Boston neighborhoods. The lush, well manicured lawn sat behind an old stone fence with a black iron gate opening the way to the walkup of the front porch. Large lilac bushes gave the space privacy and shelter from the modern city around it. The house itself was constructed with storybook architecture- rustic brick and stone work shaped the outside of the house. There were four floors, each with a balcony and large, grand windows. The Castle was unlike any house in the Jamaica Plain area, but the thing that stood out the most wasn’t the house- it was the beat up, 1960’s Ford pickup that Han dubbed The Falcon, parked in the long, sloping driveway. But that was Han, after all. The pilot, who flew out of Logan Airport about 20 minutes away, never truly fit in with the ice skating crowd. He tried, though, for Leia. 

 

The inside of The Castle this evening was even more impressive than the outside, if one could believe. Normally, the warm mix of a simple scandinavian interior design with a distinct bohemian flair greeted you. Today, however, the entire Castle on the inside was transformed into a 1920’s speakeasy. Whole walls were covered in cream fabric, with gold and black accent curtains. There were bulbous twinkle lights set into the ceiling in strands, leading to a giant crystal chandelier that hung from the center of the giant living area. Gone were the couches, television set and area rugs that normally graced the main living room. In its place was a large hardwood dance floor, a full jazz band playing next to the fire place, and on the opposite side of the room was the largest bar Rey had ever seen. 

 

Leia sure knew how to throw a New Year’s Eve party.  

 

Rey walked through the front foyer towards the large closet to the right and shed her winter coat to reveal her costume underneath. She was in a vintage gold dress that hit right at mid-thigh, with the black fringe on the bottom extending just below her knee. Her legs - that by this point in the winter normally were a faded tan color - were radiating a deep golden glow thanks to the shade of her dress and the lights of the party. The black and silver lace and sequin pattern on the cap sleeves matched the swirling paisley pattern of the front of the dress. The neckline dipped into a low V and was matched equally by the plunging V back of the dress that showed off the curves of her back. Rey had her hair curled and swept up into a low, loose side bun that laid underneath a glittering headband of black feathers and gold sparkles. She was grateful for the feather boa and elbow length gloves- the added fabric helped to cover the massive amounts of skin she wasn’t used to showing in her skating gear unless at a competition. 

 

Glancing around the house, Rey made her way up the shallow steps from the main foyer onto the edge of the main living space where the bulk of the party was happening. She saw Rose dancing with Finn, the two looking particularly cozy, and wondered if tonight might be the night Rose gathered the courage to make a move on him. Not wanting to interrupt that situation, Rey made her way over to the bar. 

 

She got about three steps towards her destination when she felt a hand snake around her waist and spin her into a dance. 

 

“Happy New Year, sunshine! You look beautiful tonight.” Poe swayed them and leaned in, giving her a peck on the cheek. She could smell the rum on his breath, and while normally this was a sign of a good, drunken time, Rey wasn’t really feeling in the mood tonight. 

 

“Hey, Poe. Having fun yet?”

 

“I am, now that you’re here.” Poe flashed a smile and a wink. He was well versed in how these nights normally went. 

 

“Not tonight, Poe.” Rey said with a small sigh. “I’m not feeling up to it.”

 

“No sweat, hot stuff. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” Poe gave her another quick kiss on the cheek and he was off into the crowd. 

 

As Rey again made her way to the bar, she thought of her situation with Poe. Thinking on it, Rey really hadn’t been in the mood to fool around with him in months. In fact, she could probably count on her hand the amount of times they’d engaged in anything more sexual than a hug and a kiss on the cheek. 

 

Wonder why that is.

 

Before she could think on the subject anymore, Rey found herself at the bar. She eyed the wall stocked full of liquor very carefully, before sweeping over the special drinks listed on the little chalkboards and deciding on one. 

 

“I’ll have a mint julep, please.”

 

As she waited for her drink to be made, Rey slid onto a bar stool and looked out into the crowd. 

 

Her gaze raked across the dance floor again, taking in the glittering costumes that she saw people wearing. Familiar faces- like Paige and Luke- were mingling with unfamiliar faces, clearly friends of Leia or Han’s. Rey looked to her right, down the bar, and gave a wave to Jess, one of the girls that worked in the office. She saw Poe right next to her, a hand dangerously low on her back, nearly on her ass. Clearly he had moved on from her earlier denial. Her gaze swept back to the left, over the crowd again and she was most certainly not looking for a particular someone. 

 

Not at all. 

 

Having sipped her first mint julep down and procured a second, Rey hopped off her bar stool and went to look for Leia and Han, whom she hadn’t seen yet tonight.

 

She crossed the living room, heading back to the main foyer and the large staircase that led to the upstairs floors. Continuing in the opposite direction of the flow of the party to the left of the foyer she found herself in the dining room and adjoining kitchen, where another smaller bar had been set up as well. Food was everywhere, and a smaller number of people mingled in this room. Still no Han or Leia though. 

 

_ Because that’s who I’m looking for. _

 

Slightly dejected, she turned back and decided to go upstairs to see if the party continued on the second floor. Sometimes it did- she vaguely remembered a party a couple years ago that was casino themed that needed to use the upstairs area for food and drink because the downstairs main rooms had blackjack, poker and roulette tables set up.

 

Drink in hand, Rey made it to the second floor landing and found a darkened floor with no one else near her. The music, loud on the dance floor, was a gentle soundtrack to her now. The only light she could see came streaming from the glass sliding door of the balcony and large windows towards the front of the house. 

 

Rey had only been up here a handful of times, never alone, and her curiosity got the better of her. She made her way down the hall, and noticed a small, gentle light at the end of the hallway.

 

Peering into the room, Rey discovered her new favorite place in the entire house. 

 

The large, 19th century study was bathed in low, cool moonlight. A small dying fire was still present in the stone fireplace to the left of Rey, indicating she just missed whoever was recently in there. A soft, tattered leather sofa sat directly in front of it and on the opposite side of the room was a large mahogany desk, worn but aged well like a fine wine. A matching grandfather clock stood regal in the corner of the room, the soft ticking almost drowned out by the faint jazz music Rey could still hear from the party below. Rey’s favorite part, by far, were the  _ pictures _ . 

 

Cramped along the mantle of the fireplace, on the desk, the end tables- any available surface had at multiple photographs perched on them. Some were modern, recent pictures- she saw Leia, Luke and Poe smiling with Poe’s gold medal from last Olympics. Others were old, faded black and white stills of people Rey didn’t know but who had familiar features- Leia’s nose. Luke’s chin.  _ Ben’s eyes.  _

 

_ Ben? Since when do I call him Ben.  _

 

Walking to the front of the fireplace, Rey’s eyes swept over all the photos until she stumbled upon her instant favorite, right in the middle of the mantle. A young Ben Solo, sitting in the cockpit of an airplane, with a too big pilot’s hat laying atop his bed of unruly dark curls. He must have been five, maybe six if Rey had to guess. His smile was big, his eyes sparkling with excitement and mischief. He looked so much like Han in the photo, and her heart seized up. Leia was right, he would always be Ben Solo, no matter what ridiculous name he called himself. She saw so much of the Ben she knew in this picture.

 

Rey had been able to piece together some things about the drama between Han and Ben. From what she could gather, it centered around his relationship with Snoke and decision to go to boarding school for hockey with him, leaving his family and figure skating career behind. She hadn’t been privy to much else, but she knew that whatever happened with Luke didn’t help the matter either, although the two were starting to patch things up since training had begun, albeit at a snail’s pace.

 

“When I was six, I wanted to be a pilot, like Han. That’s when that photo was taken.”

 

Rey’s head whipped toward the door. Leaning against the doorway, bathed in the silver light of the moon, stood Ben. 

 

He was dressed in black, high waisted pants with a small pinstripe of gold. His black and gold suspenders seemingly went on for days across his chest and shoulders, up over the black button down that was carefully tucked into his pants. He had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and Rey could see the muscles bulging underneath with the way his arms were crossed. His black and gold bow tie sat perfectly in the center of his neck. His only other accessory was the black newsboy cap resting on his head, his black waves tumbling out from underneath it. 

 

He looked dark, handsome.  _ Good.  _

 

Rey smiled. “Hey, Solo.”

 

**December 31st, 2016. The Castle. Boston, MA.**

 

Ben was walking back into the study, having forgotten his vest and to put out the fire when he saw the shadow in the hallway in front of him. It was coming from the study, and Ben was surprised that anyone was up here. 

 

He didn’t mean to sneak up to the doorway, but boy was he glad he did.

 

Rey was standing right in front of his destination, side to him, and she was  _ glowing _ . 

 

The dim, warm light of the fire was creating a halo around her. She looked like an angel.

 

Until he fully took in her dress. And legs. And body. 

 

Nothing angelic about that. 

 

He could see the picture she held so carefully in her hand, and the ghost of a smile across her features. She looked breathtaking in this moment and Ben was again convinced he had done the right thing. 

 

“When I was six, I wanted to be a pilot, like Han. That’s when that photo was taken.”

 

Her head snapped toward his voice, and surprise played across her features for a brief instant. In its place, a brilliant smile erupted once her mind caught up to seeing him. 

 

“Hey, Solo.” Her voice was a little breathy, but full and happy and warm. 

 

Ben’s gaze continued to roam over entire body as he slowly made his way towards her. He reached out and took the picture from her once he was near enough and glanced down at the ghost of his past. 

 

“I haven’t seen this photo in years. I didn’t even know they still had it.” He murmured, almost to himself, his voice was so low and deep.  

 

“It’s my favorite one, I think.”

 

Ben looked up from the photo, into her eyes. They were molten pools of green and gold, mixing in bright flashes like a solar flare. Everything about her reminded Ben of the sun.

 

He had it bad. 

 

Ben had been struggling for months with his developing feelings for Rey, but he knew it could never have been something more than a fling if he was still with First Order. Especially if he was still spying and betraying her trust. 

 

So when Rey gave him the ultimatum, he took the only path he saw possible. That one that allowed the hope in his heart to flourish at the possibility of  _ what if _ . 

 

“I left. First Order, Snoke. Everything. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, there was some stuff I had to take care of first.”

 

Rey’s eyes widened as she took in his words. “You what?”

 

Ben placed the photo back on the mantle next to Rey’s half empty glass of what looked to be a mint julep, if he had to guess, and took her hands. They were freezing. For a girl that shined like the sun, she had the internal body temperature of an ice box. 

 

“I want to be your partner, Rey. Fully and completely. I’m done with Snoke, with First Order, with all of it. Let’s go win a gold medal. Please.”   
  
Ben couldn’t see her eyes because she had throw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight embrace, her head tucked into the crook of his neck. 

 

“Yes! Ben yes, let’s win that medal. Thank you.” Rey pulled back and the biggest smile Ben had ever seen shone bright across her face. All her features were alight with the golden glow of happiness and relief. 

 

Until she really saw his right eye. 

 

He had been far enough away from her that the black eye he had received had been hidden. Now that he was up close, there was no hiding the most obvious injury he had received in the fight that broke out at First Order when he told Snoke he was quitting. 

 

“Ben! Oh my God, what happened?” Rey grabbed the sides of Ben’s face and pulled him closer to inspect his eye. 

 

“I’m fine, Rey. You should see the other guy.” Ben was great at deflecting. 

 

Rey raised an eyebrow. “Seriously, Ben who did this to you? Was it Snoke?”

 

Ben gave a short laugh. “What are you gona do, go beat him up?”

 

Her look became dark and serious. “I would, Ben, and could. Don’t think I couldn’t.”

 

A darkness was radiating off of Rey at the mere thought that she couldn’t defend herself or Ben, and he was reminded that she held a dark past inside her. 

 

“I know you could, Rey. You’re the strongest person I know, but you don’t have to. I took care of it.”

 

She nodded and dropped her hands from his face. “Okay, if you’re sure.” Rey hadn’t stepped back yet, she was still right in front of him, close enough that he could feel her breath and smell her hair. 

 

“I’m sure.” Ben knew his vest was slightly behind her, hooked on the decorative crown molding of the mantle. He was too far to grab it, so he stepped even closer toward Rey, thinking she’d step back. 

 

She did not. She did, however, suck in a quick breath that Ben almost missed. 

 

Almost, but not quite. 

 

They were chest to chest and only getting closer as Ben was reaching slightly behind Rey to grab his vest, using it now as an excuse to flush fully against her. Her head tilted back to look up at him and her gaze moved back and forth from his mouth to his eyes rapidly.

 

_ Does she want me to kiss her? _

 

Vest in hand, he begun slowly pulling it back to his side, still looking down at Rey. 

 

No, she couldn’t. This was a one sided thing, Ben knew that. 

 

Besides, monsters don’t get happy endings. And although he was on the path to atonement, he still had a lot to make up for. 

 

Ben cleared his throat and step back, gesturing to his vest. “Forgot this.”

 

He threw it on, the black pinstripe pattern matching perfectly to the pants he had on. 

 

“Right.” Rey turned and grabbed her drink from the mantle.

 

Ben held out his arm once his vest had been donned and button. 

 

“Shall we?”

 

\- - - - -

 

It was 11:45, and Ben was actually having a good time. 

 

There were two key ingredients to thank for this.

 

One was the homemade moonshine Leia had procured that Ben was currently on his 4th glass of. “For the authenticity of the party, Benjamin.” She had said. He thought her ridiculous in that moment, but now he thought her a genius. 

 

Second was the company he was keeping. Rey had stayed on his arm throughout almost the entire party, except for an awkward and infuriating 10 minutes where he was the unfortunate conversation partner of Poe Dameron. 

 

Ben’s dislike of Poe had nothing to do with the history he knew Rey and Poe shared. Not one bit. 

 

His dislike stemmed from the fact that the whole 10 minute conversation was a convoluted “my horse is bigger than your horse” game. And Ben is very competitive and likes to win. Generally does, considering how big his uhh,  _ horse _ , actually is. 

 

But God dammit, Poe couldn’t take a hint. 

 

Not to worry, though, because Rey had soon returned, alcohol in hand, bless her. 

 

“One minute till midnight! Time to hand out the sparklers, everyone take one and pass it along!” Leia shouted to her guests. The hostess had been quite busy tonight, with the larger than usual crowd that had gathered. Her and Han were flitting about from guest to guest, Leia enjoying every minute and Han looking like a kid getting dragged to the first day of summer school. 

 

Sparklers and lighters were handed out amongst the crowd as the energy buzzed to a new high. Ben felt warm and relaxed, not at all what he thought he would feel  going into this social interaction. He wasn’t sure how everyone would receive him, given his past, but Rey being on his arm helped. 

 

“Here’s your sparkler, Ben!” Rey placed one of the unlit atrocities in his hand. 

 

“Oh I don’t do sparklers.” Ben said, shaking his head.

 

Rey laughed. “What do you mean you don’t do sparklers?”

 

“I mean, I don’t do sparklers. How is that difficult to understand?”

 

Rey raised an eyebrow at him, a small smile playing at the corner of her mouth to let Ben know she was kidding.  “Do you do anything fun? Or are you actually eighty years old?”

 

“Seventy-nine, to be exact.” Ben chuckled lowly, and it was matched with Rey’s light, high giggle. 

 

“Come on Ben. Please, for me?” Rey held out the lighter, a twinkle in her eyes.

 

Apparently, Ben did sparklers now. 

 

Ben lit his and Rey’s as the crowd around them counted down from 10.

 

9

 

8

 

Ben and Rey were counting along now, sparklers crackling all around them. 

 

7

 

6

 

Ben saw Rey’s smile grow, and he looked over to what had caught her attention. It appeared that Rose and Finn, two of Rey’s friends, were passed out on one of the plush sofas along the wall. Finn’s arm was draped over Rose, her head resting on his rest. 

 

5

 

4

 

Rey turned back to Ben, the smile still etched across her golden features. She looked up at him, a light flush on her cheeks. 

 

3

 

Ben stepped closer to her. 

 

2

 

Rey stepped up to meet him, their chests flushed against each other. 

 

1

 

Ben kissed her.

 

The sparklers around them fizzled in their ears, the cheers of the partygoers erupting creating a cacophony of sound, but it all melted away. 

 

Rey’s lips were soft, but cold like her hands. She tasted like mint and whiskey, and made a soft, quiet noise when Ben placed his hand at the back of her neck. The kiss was slow and tentative, a stark contrast to other kisses Ben had given and taken in his life. There was a strange, new intimacy building from the depths of each of them forming while they kissed that took his breath away. 

 

Ben pulled away, if only to breathe, and rested his forehead against Rey’s.

 

“Happy New Year, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points if anyone can guess the meaning of the chapter title without Google!
> 
> Yes, there is most certainly a real life house called "The Castle" in Boston, and it looks exactly as I had described. It most certainly is one of my favorite places in the whole city. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed!


	7. Montage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns she has vivid dreams.
> 
> Ben learns how to make amends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have entered E rating here, my friends! Also, fair warning for anyone that is triggered by the discussion of cancer in the Feb 25th date. Skip to the next date: March 30th. 
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to violethoure666 - I can only hope to write smut as well as you, my dear!

**February 18th, 2017. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA.**

 

They don’t talk about it. 

 

Honestly, Ben expected nothing less. He  _ for sure _ wasn’t going to bring it up and risk pissing Rey off, or making her feel uncomfortable. Instead, they enter into an relationship that Ben most definitely cannot fit into a clearly labeled box. 

 

They were - at the very least-  _ friends _ . But that word seemed trivial to use. They knew more about each other than either had shared with anyone previously, cared for one another and genuinely liked each other’s company, for the most part. 

 

They fought like cats and dogs, too- like brother and sister would. Ben couldn’t -  _ wouldn’t _ \- give them that label though. He felt too many unbrotherly feelings for that.

 

Then there were these moments where, for a fleeting second or breath, Ben could swear they were something  _ more _ . Rey would look up at him, her mouth slightly agape, or her hand would travel to high up his thigh during a lift. He would stare too long at her collarbone, or get worked up after a fight and have to release some pressure. 

 

So, yeah, Ben had no fucking idea what was going on.

  
  


**February 25th, 2017. The Castle. Boston, MA.**

 

It confused him even more when Rey helped him repair his relationship with Han. 

 

_ Just friends don’t do that, right? Well maybe best friends do. Is that what we are? _

 

Ben was dreading Leia’s birthday dinner, and had asked Rey to accompany him. 

 

“You used to mow down 300lb hockey players, but you’re scared of your parents? Really Ben?” Rey had said, as they walked up the stone path to the door of the Castle. 

 

The dinner had been a tense affair. Both Luke and Han were there, and Ben was sure he had actually died on his way over here and entered hell. 

 

Ben could handle Luke at the rink and he could handle two word pleasantries to Han at social occasions. But this? An intimate, private dinner? Hell fucking no. 

 

He really almost didn’t go. But Rey showed up at his condo, raised one eyebrow and said “We’re going.” And that was that. 

 

So here he was, having a pre-dinner glass of scotch with Han fucking Solo, and neither man had punched the other yet. A true miracle. 

 

Rey and Han were talking about some modifications to the Falcon Han had recently made, and Ben thought he could sneak away and maybe hide upstairs for the remainder of the night.  _ Not like anyone will miss me _ . He went to move away but Rey’s hand shot out and grabbed his. Her grip was firm- a tight small gesture telling him to  _ stay.  _ He glanced down at their joined hands, fingers intertwining, and she gave his a squeeze. 

 

He didn’t go anywhere. 

 

He also didn’t say anything.

 

But, progress, he guessed. 

 

He barely spoke throughout dinner, only forming sentences when asked a direct question. 

 

“How is training going?” “Do you like being back in Boston?” “Did you see  _ Cabaret _ at the Opera House?”

 

The only thing that kept him sane through the dinner was Rey. She would pull attention from him, help answer questions and direct the flow of conversation. And beneath the table, her hand barely left Ben’s, squeezing and offering a wordless companionship when he needed it most. 

 

Ben thought she couldn’t possibly help more than she already had, but after dinner he was proven wrong, again. 

 

He had finally snuck away, while everyone was helping to clear plates and clean up. Ben had wandered into the sun porch at the back of the house, one of his favorite rooms growing up. The walls were mostly made of windows, making it the perfect place for Leia’s unique collection of plants and flowers. It was quiet back here, the only sound was the low hum of the space heater in the corner of the room. Ben sipped his scotch and looked out into the rolling green of the backyard, bathed in darkness by the February night. He heard two sets of footsteps approach, and turned to see Rey and Han, both with heavy looks on their faces. 

 

Han’s made him want to run away. Rey’s told him to stay, again. 

 

Han took a deep breath. “Alright, I’m just gona come out and say it. I have cancer.”

 

Rey moved to stand next to Ben, as he was hit with emotions he didn’t expect to feel. He took a step back, but Rey’s hand on his lower spine stopped him and grounded him. He felt too hot in this room now, and he could feel her cool hand on his back. He focused on that, and the small circles she was rubbing into it. 

 

“Doctors caught it early, thanks to your mom making me go. I won’t bore you with the details, but it looks okay for now.” Han paused, and looked at Rey. Ben saw her give a small nod, seemingly the catalyst for Han’s ability to have this conversation with Ben. “I’m just telling ya so that you know. Don’t expect anything from ya, but I started radiation last week, and wanted you to know.” 

 

Ben really looked at Han for the first time in a while. He looked old, tired.  _ Sick _ . There were bags under his eyes, his hair was thin and he looked like he had lost maybe five or ten pounds. 

 

_ How hadn’t I seen it before? _

 

Was Ben really that selfish - consumed with his own self imposed anger and a grudge that was over sixteens years old - that he couldn’t even notice that his own father was sick?

 

Guilt and self-hatred piled on top of the fear and sadness that Ben had begun to feel. He was silent, mouth slightly agape and breathing heavily. 

 

“Well, Jesus, Ben say something!” Han had raised his voice a little, and Ben could see his eyes were misty.

 

Rey placed her other hand on Ben’s arm that was holding his drink in a airtight grip. He locked eyes with her, and she whispered, “You can do this.”

 

Ben handed her his drink and rushed toward Han, embracing him. 

 

He smelled like leather and fuel- and a part of Ben finally was home. 

 

“I’m sorry, dad.” Ben whispered. 

 

“Me too, kid. Me too.” 

  
  


**March 30th, 2017. Jakku Apartments. East Boston, MA.**

 

Rey was warm. 

 

Rey was at the beach.

 

Rey was laying on a soft towel.

 

Rey was dreaming.

 

Rey was wet. 

 

Really wet.

 

Her mouth was open, breathy moans escaping in a light, hushed tone. One hand was clawing at the sand to her left, wildly searching for something firm to grasp on to. Her right hand was immersed in a sea of soft, black wavy hair that sat atop the head of someone. That head was currently biting at Rey’s peaked nipple, while a hand was ghosting across the outside of her lower lips. Rey’s own hand pulled down on the wavy black hair, and the man looked up, a smirk on his face.

 

Not just any man. Ben. 

 

“Patience, Princess.” he said. 

 

He moved down, trailing kisses and light nips along the path he took.

 

His hands sunk into the inner sides of her thighs, opening her up wide to make room for his head. His tongue darted out- making a slow, deep long lick against the outside of her lips before he dove in. He began  licking, biting and sucking up and down Rey’s slick folds. Rey moaned, louder this time. One of his hands ghosted back up the side of her thigh, along her hips and then her waist, finally reaching its destination at her perked nipple, rolling it and pinching it.

 

Rey moaned again.

 

The hand moved back down, nails running along the surface of her ribs and the flat planes of her stomach. It paired up with the Ben’s tongue, flicking and pinching in all the right places. Rey thrashed about, the stimulation almost too much but simultaneously not enough, when  _ finally _ one of his long and thick fingers found her entrance and eased in and back out. Then in again, out again and a gush of warmth and wetness escaped Rey, while a pressure built in her lower gut.

 

“ _ Rey. _ ” His voice was deep and husky. He added another finger, tongue still licking and swirling around her swollen clit. 

 

Rey mewed. “Please, I’m so close.”

 

“Rey, sweetheart, you can do it.”

 

Ben added a third finger, curling them upward toward the fleshy inner walls of her vagina, while still lightly suckling at her clit. 

 

“Rey, princess, come.” He replaced his mouth with his thumb from his other hand, the flat large plane rubbing slow, deep circles on her clit. “Come for me.” 

 

Her walls were tightening around his fingers, wetness pouring from her opening as he gave a final push in, deep and long and slow. 

 

“Ben!” 

 

Rey woke up. 

 

She was in her bed, blankets tangled in her legs, breathing heavily. 

 

And she was  _ wet _ .

 

“Shit.” 

**April 8th, 2017. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA**

 

Rey was furious. For  _ months _ she had been totally cool about sex, not craving or needing to scratch that itch at all, save for one night at Maz’s bar and too many shots of Tequila. 

 

Now, after one silly wet dream she was as horny as a teenage boy after seeing the Charlie’s Angels movies. 

 

Okay, maybe it wasn’t  _ one _ wet dream. Maybe she had been having them every night for the past week. And maybe they all starred a certain raven haired, former hockey player going down on her and calling her  _ sweetheart _ . 

 

So what? It doesn’t mean anything. 

 

She blames him for it, anyway. 

 

He was the one who just  _ had _ to take his shirt off when they were doing strength training at the gym. 

 

This was All. His. Fault. 

 

She was horny and irritated, a bad combination for her. She shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions or be held accountable for her actions when she gets like this. 

 

Which is why she finds herself locked in the back storage room with Poe’s dick in her mouth. 

 

Again, this is all Ben’s fault. 

 

“Fuck, Rey. I missed your mouth.” Poe grunted out. His hands were digging a nice pressure into her hair as she bobbed her head up and down his length. 

 

She broke away with a lewd pop, wiping at the precum and saliva gathering at the corners of her mouth. “Less talky, more sexy.”

 

“Whatever you say, Sunshine.”

 

Rey stood up. “I thought we talked about you not calling me that?”

 

“We did, but would you really like to discuss that now?”

 

“Not in the slightest.” Rey put her hands on Poe’s shoulder and pushed down, hoping he’d take the hint and reciprocate the act she had just done. 

 

He did. 

 

Rey had always thought Poe was a very competent and generous lover, albeit a little vanilla. While in the past, these sex traits worked for Rey, she needed something  _ more _ . She just wasn’t getting into it like she used to, even though Poe clearly knew what he was doing down here. 

 

So while Poe went at it down below, Rey was given some time to contemplate. 

 

She found that she did not like the thoughts she stumbled upon in her mind. 

 

This was a knee jerk reaction to her sexual thoughts and feelings about Ben, a way to reject and deflect, and if he ever found out she was sleeping with Poe again he’d be furious. But what concerned Rey the most was why that bothered her? Why was she okay with Ben getting jealous at Poe, and - more importantly- why did she feel like she had to protect him from these feelings?

 

It was all too much for Rey to process, so she did what she’s done her whole life.

 

Compartmentalize and deal with it later. 

 

And by later, Rey meant never. 

 

**April 30th, 2017. Boston Commons. Boston, MA.**

 

Rey loved to run. She loved the feeling of propelling herself forward, of going where she wanted to go. She felt free and light when she ran, very akin to how she felt when she skated. 

 

Ben also loved to run. For many the same reasons. 

 

So the pair ran together, quite often. Rey would come over to Ben’s before they had to be at the rink and they’d run around the commons together. Sometimes they even ran when they didn’t have a practice. They were good running partners, pushing and challenging each other to be faster, go farther. 

 

Sometimes they ran in silence, each listening to their own playlist, with just an air of companionship surrounding them. 

 

Sometimes they’d talk about trivial, silly things; like what type of ice cream they’d be (Rey would be cookies n’ cream, Ben would be coffee), or what Hogwarts houses they’d be in (Rey very clearly would be a Hufflepuff, Ben saying he’d be a Ravenclaw but Rey arguing he’d be in Gryffindor).

 

Sometimes they’d talk about deep, personal issues; greatest fears, biggest regrets. Normally both of them would shy away from these topics with other people, but the pair found an intense comfort in having someone that understood and didn’t judge. 

 

It was the end of runs that Rey and Ben liked the most. Breaths heaving, like they just found a battle, bodies sweating and hearts racing; it was easy to write off certain feelings and thoughts as bodily reactions to the exertion of a workout. Ben would try to hide his boner after glancing down Rey’s shirt and seeing her breasts as she stretched. Rey would try to ignore the heat and wetness that surged in her gut after seeing a glimpse of Ben’s abs and chest when he brought his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his brow. 

 

They ran on. 

 

**June 20th, 2017. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA**

 

Luke Skywalker was no idiot.

 

Sure, he sometimes was too focused on the future to notice things happening right under his nose, but fear not. He knew what was happening between Ben and Rey. 

 

He saw the touches that lingered a little too long, the stolen looks when each thought the other wasn’t watching. He knew there was  _ something _ there.

 

It wasn’t until he unintentionally cock blocked them that he knew what that something was. 

 

The pair were late coming out of the locker rooms, so Luke went to go check on them. He opened the door, rather loudly, and saw them jump apart- each with a guilty look on their face. Ben’s ears were turning a shade of red Luke had never seen, and Rey scurried off, hand clutching the towel wrapped around her body so tight her knuckles were turning white. 

 

Honestly, Luke felt bad about ruining that moment.

 

Which is why he designed the most romantic and intimate skating program he had ever seen. 

 

No fluffy, fast paced sequences or quick, empty stories. 

 

This program would be slow, deep and  _ hot _ . Ben and Rey did intimacy and intensity better than any skater Luke had seen. 

 

He was just playing off their strengths. 

 

And giving them a much needed a push.

 

**August 6th, 2017. Jakku Apartments. East Boston, MA.**

 

Ben loved summertime in the city.

 

He had really missed Boston, but didn’t realize how much until this summer. 

 

The city looked completely different in the summer than it did in the winter. There was so much  _ green _ in Boston than compared to New York. The air was misty and salty, thanks to the harbor that surrounded the city. There was an electric, buzzing atmosphere to it that was intoxicating. 

 

Summer in Boston brought out the best in the city, so it was no wonder Ben was in a great mood. 

 

It had absolutely nothing to do with his plans with Rey later than day, either. 

 

Ben was driving to pick Rey up, the windows of his black BMW TIE fighter series rolled down, music blaring. Ben was even humming along, a testament to how good his mood was. 

 

He pulled into a spot in front of her apartment complex, and quickly made his way around the building to the back where the tenants parked and the closer entrance to her apartment was. 

 

Thank the gods for his large aviator sunglasses, because the sight he saw made his eyes bug out. 

 

Rey was on her tiptoes, leaned over into the opened hood of her car, engrossed in fixing something within the exposed engine. The view of her backside, the curve of her legs and the shape of her ass on full display would - on its own- send Ben into a tailspin. 

 

Hell didn’t stop there though. 

 

It was August. It was hot. Ben knew this- he was in black cargo shorts and a black tank top for this specific reason. 

 

He didn’t realize that would mean Rey would be wearing  _ that _ .

 

Quite literally the shortest, tightest jean cutoffs were painted onto Rey’s body, glistening with sweat in the 90 degree heat. Her tan was glowing a bright golden color, like the perfect marshmallow roasted on a campfire. Her toned abs and the planes of her back were on display, as well, given that she was wearing a cut off, oversized band shirt of  _ Ben’s _ he’d given her months ago after she crashed at his place after a night of drinking. The shirt was hanging lopsided on her body, a bare shoulder poking through as she straightened up, having completed whatever tinkering needed to be done.

 

Ben had made a kind of choking noise while staring, but it wasn’t heard over the blare of Taylor Swift pouring from the speakers next to her feet and Rey singing along. He had never thanked God for Taylor Swift’s existence before this moment, but there was a first time for everything he supposed.

 

This woman was going to kill him. 

 

Ben’s self control had never been tested quite like this before. All he wanted to do was rush up behind her, run his hands up her ass onto her back, push her back down over the car and pound into her. 

 

Clearly, there were a multitude of reasons he couldn’t take that specific course of action. 

 

Instead, Ben clenched his jaw - probably doing permanent oral damage but could not care less in this moment - and tried to center his breathing like Luke taught him when he was little and had anger problems. It didn’t help then, and didn’t help now because God was cruel and Rey had taken a sip of the fancy water bottle next to the speakers. Ben watched her mouth contour around the head of the bottle, her cheeks hollowing out as she sucked the water up the strangely phallic-looking straw.

 

Ben had a glaring problem straining against his shorts and needed to take care of it  _ right now _ .

 

He bristled past her towards the door to her apartment, sexual frustration manifesting as rage that juxtaposed harshly to he good vibes he had felt before coming to this god forsaken building.

 

“Ben?” Rey called out behind him, as he was already halfway up her steps taking two at a time. 

 

“Need to use your restroom.” Ben managed to snap out between clenched teeth. 

 

Who cares if Rey thought he really had to pee or take a shit. He needed to get out of there and away from her before he was unable to hold back. 

 

Gods he was so fucked.

 

**September 1st, 2017. Jakku Apartments. East Boston, MA.**

 

They were sitting cross-legged on the floor of her living room, CD’s and AUX cords strewn about trying to pick out the music for their program. 

 

It was going about as well as you’d think.

 

Rey wanted something that matched the feeling of the program. Luke has designed a beautiful and moving piece, so the music - in Rey’s mind- had to match that. From what she could gather, Ben wanted something loud, flashy and distracting - completely different from the tone of the program. Little did Rey know, Ben could barely handle the program as it was and thought that adding romantic music was going to make him spontaneously combust. 

 

So instead of telling her this, and admitting he had zero control over the situation, he tried to exert his control by picking out the music (which he was told from the beginning he could do anyway). 

 

Ben’s inability to communicate and Rey’s inability to read the situation was causing a very large, very loud argument. 

 

And all Finn wanted to do was sleep. 

 

He was crashing with Rey while his place was being fumigated and had he known sleep was out of the question he wouldn’t have agreed to stay. 

 

Their argument was reaching a fever pitch; both blasting and blaring their top choices while yelling almost incoherently at each other. 

 

“Unacceptable!”

 

“Would you stop and fucking listen?”

 

“This song is garbage, I can’t believe - how could you even think this would work-”

 

“Your pick is so unoriginal - we need something different not some contrived piece of fucking -”

 

“Unoriginal?! You don’t have an original fucking bone in your body-”   
  


“You wouldn’t know something original if it came up and bit you in the ass”

 

“Oh bite me, you fucker!”

 

The two were chest to chest, breathing heavily and eyes locked. The music was an incomprehensible swell around them, and they both had hunger in their eyes. 

 

“Oh would you two shut up! Saturday is for sleeping, dammit!” Finn burst into Rey’s living room. 

 

With Finn’s intrusion, Ben broke away, rose from the ground and packed his stuff up. “Pick whatever you fucking want, Rey.”

 

With that, he was out the door, slamming it behind him and making Rey wince. 

 

Finn looked pointedly at Rey.

 

“What?” She bristled. 

 

Finn backed away, leaving Rey to clean up her mess.

 

“Fuck!” She screamed. She knew she had pushed too far, probably had to apologize, but she hated admitting that Ben was right. 

 

He got under her skin, infuriated her more times than not, and Rey didn’t want to think about the implications of  _ why _ he so easily did. 

 

So she packed those thoughts away in the ever growing box labelled “feelings for Ben we don’t think about”, grabbed her sweater and ran after Ben to apologize.

 

They had Regionals to win, after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regional competition is next! How will our space babies fair with added pressure and stress? We shall see!


	8. A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Nationals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns that her actions have consequences. 
> 
> Ben learns that sometimes, the thaw doesn’t last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW HI. I’m so sorry this chapter took forever, there were a million things that happened but I’m back now and I hope you are too! 
> 
> There are a few skating terms in this chapter: 
> 
> A Lutz: a toepick assisted jump in figure skating with an entrance from the back outside edge and landing on the back outside edge of the opposite foot. This is a rather difficult jump, and often times skaters will have to cheat their rotations by pre-rotating the jump before they lift off the ice. 
> 
> A Flying Camel: a one legged spin move where the free leg is extended backwards with the knee held above the hip. 
> 
> An Axel: the most technically difficult jump in figure skating. The axel has an extra 1/2 rotation because the skater starts the jump front facing and has to end on the side, so a triple axel actually has 3 1/2 rotations. Only 8 female skaters have ever completed a triple axel jump successfully in a competition.

**October 5th, 2017. Maggiano’s Restaurant. Boston, MA.**

 

They fucking did it. 

 

Rey was still in shock. 

 

Everyone had qualified. 

 

Everyone was going to compete in the National Championship. 

 

Everyone had the chance to go to the Olympics if they could place first or second at Nationals.

 

Ben and Rey could  _ win.  _

 

Rey was on cloud nine. 

 

She should have known that the universe couldn’t let her just be happy for five fucking minutes. 

 

It had all started out so well.  _ Too well _ . 

 

They were all at dinner to celebrate. Luke, Leia, Ben, Poe, Finn, Rose, Paige and Rey. They were all having a great time. Ben seemed actually happy- relaxed and joking around with everyone and he didn’t even flinch when Luke patted him on the shoulder. Leia was beaming at him; Rey had never seen her this joyful before and she couldn’t help but think it was because Ben had always been missing from the celebration table until now. 

 

There was so much hope at the table, everyone thinking  _ we could really do this _ . 

 

Everyone was relaxed and high on victory.

 

Everyone except Rey, that is. 

 

Instead, Rey was filled with tension and anxiety because she was somehow got sandwiched between Poe and Ben for this dinner and was dying. 

 

This was Rey’s worst nightmare: caught between the man of her literal dreams and the man she’d been sleeping with to distract herself from said dream man. 

 

And, because Rey  _ does not _ deal with feelings well and has horrible coping mechanisms, she drinks. 

 

Five glasses of wine later, Rey is falling into her usually pattern of intoxication: she’s  _ twirly.  _

 

It’s here- in the middle of the entree round- when Rey’s world implodes.

 

She really has no one to blame but herself. 

 

Rey was horny and her inhibitions were dramatically low - as to be expected after five glasses of wine. This led to a very real problem for Rey. Instead of getting handsy with the man she was sleeping with she decided to get handsy with the man she  _ wanted _ to sleep with.

 

This was an issue, to put it mildly.

 

It had started innocently - and discreetly - enough. After Ben made a joke at Luke’s expense, Rey leaned into the laugh toward him and placed her hand on his knee.

 

Totally fine, right?

 

With her hand on Ben’s knee (and his rapt attention) Rey used her other hand to twirl some pasta onto her fork and bring it up to her mouth. Rather than simply putting the pasta into her mouth, Rey brought her lips down precariously over the strands of spaghetti and  _ sucked _ them into her mouth. Her cheeks hollowed out and her lips pursed to capture the pasta, and obviously this is not the way pasta should be eaten so Rey got sauce  _ all over  _ her lips and chin. Her tongue darted out to lick up the sauce, and as she closed her eyes in a mock face of pleasure she brought her teeth across her bottom lip with a small, low moan loud enough for only Ben to hear, and hear it he did because he let out a  _ legitimate growl  _ and when Rey looked at him he was watching her with a hungry look in his eyes that Rey had never seen before but desperately wanted to see again. 

 

Ben reached out a hand towards Rey’s face, and Rey thought  _ finally he’s going to kiss me _ but instead, Ben’s warm thumb ( _ how was he always so warm?)  _ grazed across the left side of her chin picking up the spattering of sauce that Rey had honestly forgotten about. She shivered at the contact, and her mouth parted open and the warmth from Ben’s touch traveled straight down to her core, stoking the fire of desire for Ben Solo that never really goes out, turning it into a bonfire of  _ longing _ . Rey’s gaze was locked on his hand, and Ben slowly dragged it back toward him but instead of wiping it on a napkin he took his thumb into his mouth, lips curling around his finger, cleaning his thumb of the sauce and Rey had never been so turned on in her life. 

 

With a sharp inhale, Ben broke eye contact, about to turn away and back to his food but Rey wasn’t having any of that so her hand started to snake upwards from his knee toward his warm and half hard dick. Rey could tell he was half hard because not only did she sneak a peak and see the outline of his  _ impressive  _ length, but Rey’s hand got so close to his dick that she actually brushed against it before Ben clenched his jaw and brought his hand over hers, giving it a  _ squeeze.  _

 

Rey didn’t move her hand. 

 

Instead, she squeezed right back. Well, she thought she squeezed but she was pretty tipsy and it was more like a hard grab at Ben’s upper thigh. This caused Ben to jump and choke on his water. With the excuse of making sure Ben wasn’t choking, Rey slid closer to Ben across the plush leather booth, coming up flush against him. 

 

“Ben, are you okay?” Rey basically purred into his ear, chest pressed against his arm and body. Rey was so close to him but not nearly as close as she needed to be. 

 

“I’m fine. I think I need some air.” Ben replied in a very clipped tone. He abruptly threw Rey’s hand off his thigh and got up from the table, storming off towards the front entrance. 

 

Now here’s where the trouble really began. 

 

Rey doesn’t take rejection well, especially when she’s like this and  _ definitely _ not from the man she wants to sleep with who had gotten her so  _ wet  _ from simply licking sauce off of his thumb so Rey does not react like a normal human. She turns toward Poe in a rage filled haze, grabs his shirt and yanks him out of the booth behind her. 

 

Poe follows her blindly, stumbling and stammering questions like “are you okay” and “where are we going” but Rey really just needs him to  _ shut the fuck up _ . 

 

Finally they make their way down the grand staircase by the front of the restaurant and into the downstairs event space where blessedly there isn’t an event happening so there’s no one around and they push through the double doors that are thankfully not locked and Rey  _ slams  _ Poe into the wall and attacks his mouth. 

 

Poe, bless his heart,  _ finally  _ catches on to what’s happening and his arms come up to wind around Rey’s waist and she’s got his thigh trapped in between her legs and there’s  _ friction  _ and  _ heat  _ and it’s almost enough to make her forget that this is Poe and not Ben. 

 

Almost. But not quite. 

 

It is at this exact moment - Rey grinding down on Poe’s thigh, ripping his shirt open while he sucks lightly at her neck - that Rey hears the heavy footsteps of someone coming down the stairs and she has about .5 seconds to quickly open her eyes and turn her head towards the double doors that are now swinging open to reveal a very shocked, very hurt, very  _ angry  _ Ben Solo. 

 

Rey jumps back from Poe - poor, sweet, very confused Poe- and is locked in a staring match with Ben for what seems like hours. Ben just looks completely betrayed and defeated, and Rey tries to say everything she feels, anything at all, but her mouth just gapes open and she makes a small step toward him and Ben instinctively backs away like a frightened puppy about to get hit and just shakes his head. 

 

Poe is, unsurprisingly, not blind, and can see that there’s something happening between Rey and Ben and makes a move off the wall, shirt apparently rebuttoned, but as soon as Ben’s peripheral vision catches the movement, the icy cold mask of Kylo Ren that Rey hadn’t seen in  _ months _ slams down over his face. 

 

“Pardon my interruption.” says Ben, only there’s no trace of Ben in that voice. It’s all Kylo, all walled up emotion and Rey tears up thinking she did this. 

 

In an instant Ben is gone, leaving Rey to just stare at the space he occupied. Poe’s hand comes up lightly rest on her back, completely in a gesture of comfort and friendship, and Rey is so tired and strungout and frustrated that she curls into Poe and weeps. 

 

**October 6th, 2017. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA**

 

Rey slept a grand total of two hours last night, even though she was exhausted from the events of the night before. No matter how hard she tried, Rey couldn’t get the look on Ben’s face out of her mind, replaying the events of dinner over and over again on a loop she couldn’t break. 

 

She got to Resistance so early that no one else was at the rink so Rey unlocked the doors, turned on the lights, put on her skates, blasted her music and  _ skated _ . 

 

When she was little, skating was as much therapeutic as it was enjoyable. She could escape into the story of her routine, forget for a few moments how utterly shit her life was. Rey had always loved to skate, but it wasn’t just love that drove her. There was a  _ need  _ for skating, for escaping, for feeling full and complete, that fueled her dedication to the sport. 

 

When Rey started to skate competitively, she lost a little bit of this need. She had a family - for a little while - and she had friends. She wasn’t a starving little orphan anymore. Rey was still an amazing skater and loved every second of it, but the intensity with which she skated decreased. 

 

Not today. 

 

This morning, after the events of last night, Rey skated like she hadn’t in  _ years _ . Maybe it was the fact that she was alone in the rink, or that she felt utterly and completely helpless again, or maybe she just didn’t care anymore. Whatever it was, Rey’s morning skate was the best it had ever been. 

 

_ Too bad there’s no one here to see it.  _

 

As she skated, Rey let it all go - the guilt over hurting Ben, the embarrassment of breaking down in front of Poe, the fear that Ben might leave her partner less, and the confusion as to  _ what happened  _ between Ben and her. As a thought entered her head, Rey would pour it out into a move. “ _ Why was Ben so angry?”  _ became a triple Lutz that she didn’t need to cheat, “ _ How can I fix this?”  _ turned into a Flying Camel that gave her whiplash, and “ _ Why do I care so fucking much?”  _ fuelled a triple axel that Rey had never landed before. 

 

Letting out a scream as the music crescendoed into the final notes of the song, Rey collapsed onto the ice. She was not a crier, but over the past 24 hours she had let out more tears than she had in her whole life. She was so confused and frustrated and  _ helpless _ . Through her tears and musings she didn’t hear the doors to the rink open, nor the clack of plastic skate guards on the floor. She didn’t notice Ben watching her throughout her morning skate, looking at her like she was his sun, moon and stars. 

 

“Someone who skates as beautifully as you shouldn’t be crying, Rey.” A soft voice snapped Rey’s attention from the ice up to the person who was standing at the edge of the ice. 

 

Ben slowly skated towards her, and to an outside spectator, there would be seemingly nothing wrong with him. But Rey wasn’t an outside spectator, she could see the dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, could smell the faint aroma of his favorite whiskey as he got closer to her. She could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his soft smile didn’t reach all the way across his face. He looked  _ guarded _ and it broke Rey’s heart all over again. 

 

Wiping the tears away, Rey rose as Ben stopped a few feet from her. She could feel the distance between them, not just physically but emotionally, and it took every ounce of Rey’s self control to not close the distance and hold him when she saw his fingers twitch next to his hips like he wanted to do the same but was holding back. 

 

With a voice that held a strength and clarity Rey didn’t know she possessed, she began her apology. “Ben, I’m sorry.”

 

Ben let out a small huff, shaking his head and running his fingers through his hair. The early morning light of the rink glossed over his black waves, tempting Rey to curl her fingers through them. God did she want him. 

 

“There’s nothing to apologize for, Rey.” Ben looked down at his skates. “We’re just skating partners. That’s all. I was just surprised that you and Dameron were a thing, again.” His tone was clipped and short, devoid of the warmth Rey had become accustomed to when he spoke to her. 

 

“We’re not. A thing, I mean. I just-“

 

Ben cut her off before she could explain more. “You don’t have to tell me, Rey. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t. Let’s just keep that stuff separate from now on.”

 

Rey flinched back. “What do you mean?”

 

Ben’s jaw tightened over a sigh, a gesture that Rey knew meant he was trying hard not to say something, swallowing words, thoughts and emotions away and back into the depths of his core. He looked back up at her, the Kylo mask fully in place across his features. 

 

“I mean we should just be skating partners.”

 

Rey truly thought she had no tears left in her, but wetness pooled in her eyes anyway. Rey took a deep, shaky breath trying not to break apart _ again _ and especially not in front of Ben. “Is that what you really want?”

 

A sad smile played across Ben’s face. “It doesn’t matter what I want Rey.” 

 

And then he skated away, towards the locker room, leaving Rey frozen in the middle of the ice. 

 

**December 20th, 2017. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA.**

 

Ben Solo is no stranger to misery. In fact, one could say that misery accompanied him all his life- sometimes as a dark shadow that tainted the bright spots of a happy memory, sometimes as an all consuming cloud that was so powerful and intense, Ben could choke on it. 

 

Ben Solo was no stranger to misery, so imagine his surprise when Rey entered his life and the misery that acted as a frozen shield on his heart melted away from him like an ice cream cone in the middle of summer. Rey was the light that cut through the darkness of Ben’s heart, cleansing and purging the anger, sadness and fear that had a vice grip on it since before Ben could remember. 

 

Since the events of that fateful night, the darkness was creeping back into Ben’s heart. He could feel it start to cloud his judgement, taint his behavior. He started to revert back to his ways when he first arrived at Resistance, keeping Rey at a distance. He had gotten too close to the sun, burned up like a charred piece of paper, and fell hard back onto the cold ground, like Icarus. If there was one thing Ben Solo learned throughout his life, it was not to let people burn him again. And oh, how Rey had burned him. 

 

So the month and a half since that night, Ben kept a cold, icy cap on his heart, shielding it from Rey and her warmth. Because as much as Ben loves Rey and her light, he couldn’t allow himself to get close again when she had no need for coldness in her life.

 

Their relationship - no,  _ partnership _ \- became tense and strained. Where once there was an easy connection, a deep understanding between the two, there now was an indifferent aloofness. Both trying hard to gain and maintain the upper hand, to guard themselves from heartbreak, while all the while trying to get the other to break. Hard as he tried, Ben continued to love Rey, and would look  _ everywhere _ for a sign that she had even an inkling of feeling or attraction to him. 

 

Unfortunately for them both, the fear of rejection and the lingering anger and melancholy clouded Ben’s ability to read Rey. For it was unbeknownst to him that Rey was suffering just as much as Ben, her bright light dimming. 

 

Their routine suffered, as was to be expected. They were still amazing skaters, but the passion, the connection, their  _ spark  _ between the two that had elevated their routine was lost. Luke still felt confident enough in their individual skill to pull them through into first or second place at Nationals, and hoped that after they qualified they could reconnect. 

 

Ben hoped he was right, because Nationals were in a week and they were running out of time to make things better. 


	9. Keep it Tight, Keep it Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben learn the outcome of Nationals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! A few skating terms before we begin:
> 
> A Death Spiral: a required element of pair skating performed with the man in a pivot position, one toe anchored in the ice. Holding his hand, the woman circles her partner on a deep edge with her body almost parallel to the ice. 
> 
> An Axel: the most technically difficult jump in figure skating. The axel has an extra 1/2 rotation because the skater starts the jump front facing and has to end on the side, so a triple axel actually has 3 1/2 rotations. Only 8 female skaters have ever completed a triple axel jump successfully in a competition.
> 
> Nationals: The 2018 Prudential U.S. Figure Skating Championships ran Dec. 29th, 2017 - Jan. 8th, 2018. Singles, pairs and ice dancing are the represented disciplines. The U.S. Olympic team is then chosen based on the outcome of this competition. Skating competitions, in general, are broken up into two phases - a short program and a free skate (sometimes called a long program). Originally, the free skate portion held no required elements (hence the name free skate as skaters were allowed free reign over the elements to include in this routine) but within the past 30 years, required elements and parameters have been set to the free skate to help create a "well-balanced" program, opting for more people to call it the "long program" instead. I use the terms "long program" and "free skate" pretty interchangeably in this chapter.

**January 4th, 2018. US Figure Skating National Championships. SAP Center. San Jose, CA.**

 

The National US Figure Skating Championships had always impressed Ben. He grew up in the figure skating scene, and had kept a love for the sport alive (albeit in secret) throughout his time at First Order. 

 

Maybe it was the fact that Ben hadn’t competed in a national championship since he was little. Maybe it was the fact that he and Rey were still on pretty rocky terms. Maybe it was the fact that Poe was here too, competing in the singles competition, eying Ben with this  _ look _ whenever he interacted with Rey. Whatever the case may be, Ben Solo was more nervous and on edge than he ever had been before. No hockey game had  _ ever _ made him feel as nervous (and he absolutely got nervous before hockey games) as when he stepped into the main rink that first day of competition. 

 

He was so fucked. 

 

He needed to get it the fuck together, especially since he knew Phasma and Hux were competing today too. Phasma he actually wanted to see - one might even say she was still a friend - but  _ Hux _ could go jump off a bridge for all Ben cared. There was no love lost between the two when Ben parted ways with First Order. 

 

The only saving grace was that Snoke usually didn’t go to Nationals, or any competition really for that matter, electing to watch the events unfold in his dark chamber at the top of the tower that was the First Order offices. 

 

Ben was barely handling his shit now, no way in hell could he handle seeing Snoke this week too. 

 

As Rey, Luke and Ben made their way to the check in table, Ben saw Hux and Phasma turn from checking in themselves, walking straight toward them. 

 

Ben froze instantly. 

 

“Well if it isn’t the traitor Kylo Ren. Or is Ben Solo, now? I honestly can’t keep up with the little name game of yours.” Hux sneered as he and Phasma stood in front of their way to the table, essentially blocking them from reaching their destination. 

 

Rey sighed. “You know when Ben mentioned we might have some competition from you two I expected more.” Rey sounded bored, but Ben noticed Rey’s death grip on her skating bag, the skin of her knuckles going white from the tension of her grip. 

 

“Why you little b-” 

 

“Rey, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Katarina Phasma.” Cutting Hux off, she stretched out her hand towards Rey. Phasma was always trying to keep Hux in check, and Ben was slightly comforted by the fact that nothing had really changed there. 

 

“Nice to meet you too. This our coach, Luke Skywalker.” Rey eyed Phasma skeptically, taken aback by the politeness of her actions. 

 

After awkward pleasantries were exchanged between Luke and Phasma, Rey made a motion to the table. “We have to go check in. It was nice to meet you, Katarina.” Rey’s tone was clipped but civil. 

 

“You as well Rey, Luke.” Phasma laid her hand on Ben’s upper arm. “It’s good to see you, Ben. We miss you at FO.”

 

“Not all of us.” Hux snickered. 

 

Phasma took Hux’s hand and pulled him away, leaving the group before things could get any more contentious.

 

As Luke made his way to check them in, Rey turned toward Ben and, with a hushed shout, smacked his upper arm. “What the fuck, Ben! Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

His physical contact with Rey broke him from his paralysis. Blinking and shaking his head, as if to clear away the fog that interaction left, Ben simply murmured, “I don’t know.” 

 

Rey’s anger cleared from her face, sensing something wrong with Ben, replaced by concern. It broke Ben’s heart even more, knowing that even though they were fighting ( _ is that what they were doing _ ?) she still cared for him enough to be concerned. 

 

“Ben, are you okay?”

 

With a clench of his jaw and a small head nod, Ben walked towards the booth. He wouldn’t- _ couldn't  _ \- get into that emotionally charged discussion with Rey right now. He was trying so hard to keep their relationship professional, clearly it’s what she wanted, and he’d be damned if he was going to ruin what they had left. Sure, it was torturous, but Ben didn’t care. He was still the monster of this story, and monsters don’t get happy endings, no matter how much he wanted it. She belonged with someone like Poe - _ stupid, fucking perfect Poe  _ \- and he was going to have to deal with that and move on. 

 

**January 4th, 2018. US Figure Skating National Championships. SAP Center. San Jose, CA.**

 

“Phasma and Hux will be tough to beat, that’s a given, but you don’t need to beat them just yet in order to make it to the Olympics.” Luke began. He was leaning against the wall, whispering conspiratorially with Rey and Ben who were on the edge of the ice about to begin their warm up. He motioned to the left of the rink. “That’s Cassian and Jyn. They’re the pair you need to beat and have the best chance of doing it. They skate a clean program, but it’s safe and flat. As long as you two don’t fall and bring the heat, you’ll beat them.” Luke nodded. 

 

Ah yes, “ _ bring the heat _ .” That was Luke’s way of saying “ _ get your head out of your asses and give me some chemistry _ .”

 

Easier said than done. 

 

Rey and Ben looked over to where Luke had pointed, taking in Jyn and Cassian as they warmed up. 

 

“Keep it tight, keep it light, keep it together.” Luke said. “And you’ll beat them.” 

 

How simple. 

 

As Rey and Ben skated their warm up, they chatted idly about the short program tonight and their free skate two days from now, about the hot cocoa at the concession stand -subpar to Leia’s but still pretty good- about the new zamboni the rink just got, about anything and everything  _ safe _ . 

 

They just didn’t want to set each other off and get into a huge fight. 

 

So obviously that’s what Rey did. 

 

She really didn’t mean to. 

 

“So you and Phasma seemed close.” 

 

Ben’s face scrunched in confusion. “I mean I guess so. She was always the one at FO I felt most comfortable with. We were pretty good friends all things considered, even after we broke up.”

 

Rey blanched. “What?”

 

“Phas and I dated pretty casually for a couple of months, but then she started her thing with Hux.”

 

Rey quietly seethed. She was so angry at the nonchalance of his attitude towards the fact that he had a  _ clear _ conflict of interest. 

 

It was purely anger, nothing else. 

 

“Ben, when were you going to tell me this?”

 

Now it was Ben’s turn to get pissed. “I didn’t know I had to.”

 

Rey stopped skating, throwing daggers in her glare at him until he skated back. 

 

“You didn’t know you  _ had to _ ? Ben that’s definitely something I should know! She’s our competition, Ben. It’s a clear conflict of interest.” Rey folded her arms across her chest, sure she was looking like a petulant child but not caring in the slightest. 

 

“It’s not like I have feelings for _her_ , Rey. We dated for a couple months, _five_ _years ago_. Whatever we had is in the past. She means nothing to me, Rey, I -” Ben took in a shallow gasp of air, jaw clamping shut. Rey knew he wanted to say more but was holding back. 

 

_ Why does he always hold back? _

 

Rey nodded her head, her anger suddenly deflated and replaced with a deep longing. How she wished he would stop holding back.  _ Just say you want to say, Ben. Please.  _  “Okay.” 

 

He let out a shaky breath, nodded back at her and skated away. 

 

**January 4th, 2018. Rey’s Hotel Room. Hotel De Anza. San Jose, CA.**

 

Rey was in her hotel room, sitting at the dark wood desk against the far wall, a standing mirror placed in the middle of a pile of makeup and accessories that were strewn about the table. She was applying her makeup, getting ready for the first night of pairs competition. Rose, Finn and Poe were sitting on her bed, trying to calm her down as she recalled the fight she had with Ben. 

 

“I don’t understand how he doesn’t see it’s a problem! He should have told me.” Rey said, blending her foundation into her face with a ferocity only seen in online makeup tutorials. 

 

“Maybe he honestly didn’t see it as a big deal, Rey.” Finn was treading lightly here, not wanting to upset Rey but clearly seeing she was in the wrong. “Maybe he didn’t think anything of it. If it’s really in the past, and he doesn’t care about her, it’s not like he’s obligated to tell you-”

 

“Of course he’s obligated! Finn, he’s my partner- I should know shit like this!” Rey bit back. 

 

“Yeah but it’s not like he’s your boyfriend or-” Finn cut his sentence short after a tap from Poe against his leg. 

 

Rey threw her beauty blender into her makeup bag. “Yeah I know he isn’t. And I don’t want him to be. I just want to know shit like this.” 

 

Poe, Finn and Rose all exchanged glances. Finn and Rose had guessed at Rey’s feelings toward Ben, and even suspected strongly that Ben had feelings for Rey, but it wasn’t until after the dinner at Maggiano's when shit hit the fan that they  _ all  _ agreed Rey had some strong feelings towards her skating partner.

 

Now they just had to get Rey to realize and act on it. 

 

Rose took the first stab at it, determining it was time for some tough love and harsh truths since the subtlety was apparently lost on the both of them. “Rey, sweetie, this has nothing to do with skating. I think you’re falling for him.”

 

Rey looked straight ahead at the mirror. “What? Who, Ben? You think I’m falling for Ben?” Rey gave a little nervous laugh, fixating on drawing on her cat eye. “No way.”

 

“Rey, am I that off base?” Rose gently nudged. 

 

“You are! I am not falling in love with him.”

 

“I never said love, Rey.” Rose was not giving up. 

 

“I mean, okay do I find him attractive? Eh.” Rey said with a shrug. “I mean he’s not the worst human being to look at. I wouldn’t put a bag over his head to bang him, ya know?” Rey was blushing lightly, desperately trying to convince them she had absolutely  _ no romantic interest.  _ Her frustration - and interest for that matter - was purely physical. She was a big enough person that she could maybe admit that. “But it would never, could never, work between us. You see how we act together!”

 

“Yes, I do see.” Rose raised her eyebrows. She - and pretty much everyone around them - saw how they interacted; stealing glances at each other when the other wasn't looking, Rey getting hot cocoa for Ben every morning, Ben carrying around a now worn and well loved copy of  _ Pride and Prejudice _ . Rose wasn’t the blind one here. 

 

“We basically never get along, we’re always fighting!” Rey said, jabbing her earring into her ear. 

 

“Foreplay.” Poe spoke up now. He was leaning back on the bed, against his forearms but as soon as he made that comment he sat up straight. 

 

Rey turned in her chair to look at Poe. 

 

“That’s foreplay.” 

 

_ Well fuck. _

 

**January 4th, 2018. US Figure Skating National Championships. SAP Center. San Jose, CA.**

 

They were standing at the box,  _ two minutes _ away from skating their short program at  _ Nationals  _ and Ben looked positively green. 

 

“Ben? You okay?” 

 

He was sweating bullets, swaying on his feet and pale as a newborn baby. 

 

And he was  _ hot _ .

 

Ben always ran warm but he was radiating body heat now. 

 

“You look nervous. You look _ really  _ nervous. You okay?” 

 

Ben shook his head but the movement was so small she couldn’t tell if it was in the affirmative or the negative.

 

She didn’t have too long to decide either way because he sprinted from her side, throwing the curtain out of the way and  _ vomiting _ into the trash can located behind it. 

 

_ SHIT _

 

_ That nervous.  _

 

As Ben yakked away, Rey just kept her gaze locked onto the ice where Phasma and Hux were finishing their short program. 

 

Ben came back to her side, stumbling a bit. “I think I feel better.” His voice was low and scratchy. 

 

“What is wrong with you?” Rey whispered. It was more like a stage whisper, honestly, but Rey didn’t care because there was no way people didn’t hear him yakk up the contents of his stomach five seconds ago. 

 

“I always get tight before a game.”

 

_ Keep it tight, keep it light, keep it together.  _ Luke’s chant echoed in her mind. 

 

“When I played hockey, I used to have two helmets. One for the game and one for right before the game.” 

 

The handler gave them the twenty second time warning. 

 

Rey looked at him frantically. “This is just coming up now?”  _ What is it with you and not telling me shit? _

 

“Bad choice of words.” 

 

Rey paused. 

 

“Are trying to make a  _ joke _ right now?” 

 

Ben just gave a small smile. He still looked so pale, so sweaty and so unbelievably  _ hot _ .

 

“Look, the worse it gets, the better I play. And it usually calms down after about ten minutes or so.” 

 

“ _ Ben _ .” Rey grabbed his arm. “Our short program is two and a half minutes!” She was panicked. 

 

“ _ Please welcome Ben Solo and and Rey Jackson to the ice!”  _ The announcer yelled.

 

“So, 7 and a half minutes after we finish, I’ll be good.” Ben gave Rey’s shoulder a little shake and made his way onto the ice. 

 

Rey and Ben’s short program and free skate were two parts to an epic love story that Luke had crafted, told through their music, costumes and choreography. There’s a surprising amount of acting that happens during skating, especially if your program is like Rey and Ben’s. 

 

They worked with a ballet instructor, a professional costume designer and a Boston theater director during rehearsals to make sure all the aspects of their routine were as coordinated and compelling as possible. 

 

Their short program was first, and focused on the theme of new love and the beginning of relationships. It was light, flirty and fun, but the ending was incredibly sad- the two characters end their relationship, going their separate ways. 

 

Their long program, which they would be performing the night after tomorrow night, was a deep and moving piece. The two past lovers meet again and try to heal their wounds after falling for each other again. The end of the program is left up to interpretation- Rey thinks the characters try again and succeed, while Ben isn’t too sure. 

 

Ben and Rey’s costumes only add to the drama of both routines. 

 

Their first set of costumes were a light and soft design, much like the tone of their short program. Rey’s one shoulder. Mid-thigh length wrap dress started a deep midnight blue, wrapping down her body with a gradient into a white skirt. The fabric was light, but clung to Rey’s body in a way that did  _ things _ to Ben. Ben wore skating pants that were the same deep blue color as the top of Rey’s dress, and his thick sleeved tank top had the same blue and white wrap gradient that Rey’s dress did. The shirt was tightly fitted and had a deep v-neck that showed off the upper planes of Ben’s chest, much to Rey’s delight. 

 

For their long program, the costumes were much more intricate and dramatic, befitting to the story they told during the second routine. Rey was in a long sleeved black and grey dress with a  _ deep _ v neck, open in the front almost down to her belly button and open in the back down to the curve of where her back meets her ass. The skirt of the dress was similar in cut to the skirt on her short program dress, but the fabric was swaths of sheer grey and black instead. Rey’s favorite part were the sleeves and bodice of the dress, the material textured to look like the veins in marble inlaid with subtle sparkles that glittered softly in the lights on the ice. Ben’s costume was all black, his long pants tailored tightly against his body with a matching black tailored shirt. It had a sheer cutout across his shoulders that matched the fabric of Rey’s skirt. His top also had the same glittered marble texture as Rey’s did, and she was struck with the memory of Ben at the costume fitting throwing a hissy fit over the “ _ fucking ridiculous craft monstrosity that is glitter”.  _ In the end, Rey had won out after convincing Ben he didn’t look “ _ like a fucking tool _ .” He actually looked quite handsome in both costumes, if you asked Rey. 

 

Their short program begins with Ben standing behind Rey, ready to catch her in a bridal carry as she literally “falls” for Ben’s character. After that, it’s a whirlwind of turns, jumps and embraces that always leave Rey a little breathless.  _ Just the physical exertion of the program _ , she tells herself. 

 

They land their side by side double axels with ease, the hardest technical element to their program, and the rest of the routine is executed cleanly and precisely. If there’s one thing you could say about Rey and Ben, the two know how to  _ skate _ .

 

**January 4th, 2018. Hotel De Anza. San Jose, CA.**

 

They were on the elevator up to their rooms, perusing social media and chatting excitedly about the scores they got. They sat just two points behind Jyn and Cassian, and only five points behind Hux and Phasma. The two point margin was going to be easy to overcome, as their long program was more technical than Jyn and Cassian’s. 

 

“Ben, I know you hate social media but you have to see this.” Rey was looking at Twitter on her phone. She came to stand right in front of Ben, tilting her phone so he could see. 

 

It was a tweet from Buzzfeed, a picture of Rey and Ben in a rather  _ heated _ moment of their program with the caption “ _ Solo and Jackson light fires at Nationals, give Hux and Phasma a run for their money.” _

 

As Rey scrolled through her feed, it was flooded with tweets and praises at their short program. They were even  _ trending _ , the general public falling in love with the story they told through their routine. 

 

The elevator chimed, dropping Rey and Ben off at their floor. Rey’s room was closest, with Ben’s a few rooms down the hall. 

 

“You wanna know the one thing I hate about figure skating.” Ben began as they strode toward Rey’s room. 

 

“The costumes? The make-up? The fact that you can’t take your anger issues out on the other players?” Rey said cheekily. 

 

“Haha.” Ben said sarcastically. They had made it to Rey’s room but she was having trouble getting her room key out of her skating bag. “No, it’s this overnight bullshit, it’s brutal.” 

 

“What, you don’t like staying in a fancy hotel?” Rey murmured, only half focusing on his words as she dug through her bag. 

 

“No, the hotel is fine but I never understood why it wasn’t a double header. Short program, long program, boom you’re done in one night. Know what I mean?” Ben was leaning against the wall next to Rey’s door. 

 

“No, yeah I know what you mean.” At this point, Rey was bent over, bag on the floor,  _ digging _ for her room key. 

 

“It’s like enough already.” Ben threw his head back against the wall in mock agony. “It’s like… shit, what’s the word… fuck! You know the word I’m looking for, Rey.” 

 

Rey nodded to appease him. She was destroying her bag looking for her key. He was mumbling something about the word being “ _ like anticipation or excitement _ ” but Rey was really not paying attention because she had  _ finally _ found her room key.

 

“Foreplay!” Ben shouted, throwing his hands up. 

 

_ That  _ got Rey’s attention. Her head snapped up to Ben’s.  _ Shit what was he saying?  _

 

Looking like a deer in the headlights, slightly bewildered, she breathlessly exclaimed, “Foreplay?” 

 

“Yeah, you know, like foreplay.” Ben shrugged his shoulders, a light smirk to his face that Rey barely registered because she was too busy trying to calm her pulse. 

 

_ Jesus all he said was the word foreplay, get it together Jackson. This is what happens when you don’t have sex for weeks.  _

 

“Yeah, I know what foreplay is, Ben.” She snapped back, bending over to retrieve her bag and coming up to stand right in front of him. He was basically blocking the way to her room, his frame was so wide and  _ when did we get that close to each other? _

 

He chuckled lightly. “Well wouldn’t you rather just get right to it.” He said lowly, eyes grazing across her face. 

 

“What?” Rey breathed out in a whisper. Her eyes were locked onto his lips.  _ Wait, is he asking me to have sex with him?? _

 

Ben raised an eyebrow. “Tomorrow. Skating. Long program, short program, Nationals? ” Ben looked at her, questioning if she had been paying attention which she clearly hadn’t.  _ Ah, so no to the sex then. Great. “ _ Wouldn’t you just rather do it tonight?” Ben chuckled again.  _ Oh there were so many, many things she’d rather do tonight.  _

 

Rey needed to leave this conversation  _ now.  _

 

_ “ _ Sleep!” She blurted out, finally maneuvering herself to get her door open. “I’d rather sleep.” 

 

She ducked under Ben’s arm that had managed to somehow come across the doorframe and slammed the door shut, leaving a confused Ben on the other side.

 

_ Thank the maker I packed my vibrator. _

 

**January 5th, 2018. Rey’s Hotel Room. Hotel De Anza. San Jose, CA.**

 

Rey woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, hours before her alarm was set to go off.

 

She had a restless night, tossing and turning after multiple failed attempts to orgasm in a satisfactory way and when she finally did manage to fall asleep her dreams were all about Ben - Ben and his magic tongue eating her out like a feast, Ben and his thick, long fingers driving into her as he kissed her senselessly, Ben and his blissful warmth, wrapped around her like a comforting blanket, Ben and his cute ears hidden underneath his soft, dark wavy hair. Ben and Ben and Ben and  _ Ben _ . 

 

She had no help from Poe anymore after that disastrous night at Maggiano’s, and the lack of sex was  _ really _ starting to get to her. 

 

She tried meditation that morning, but her thoughts kept straying back to Ben and all the awkward tension and history between them. Their relationship always confused Rey, now more than ever. 

 

She had always been so attracted to him, but their start was so rocky that she had convinced herself he had no interest in her. It was because of this- her intense attraction and his apparent disinterest, that caused her to seek out assistance from Poe. As she and Ben got closer during their training, her frustration over their situation got more and more intense, causing her to sleep with Poe more and more. On some small, unconscious level Rey maybe hoped that Ben would find out about her and Poe, and his jealousy would fuel him to finally make a move if he was interested. The opposite happened. Instead of bringing Rey and Ben closer, the aftermath of his discovery only drove them farther apart. Maybe it was time for Rey to give up hope that she wasn’t alone in her feelings for Ben Solo. Maybe he really didn’t reciprocate them. 

 

When her alarm finally rang, she got and started her day, welcoming the blur of activity as a much needed distraction. She hoped that a full day of rest and  _ not thinking about Ben _ would be just what she needed before their final skate tomorrow night. 

 

**January 6th, 2018. US Figure Skating National Championships. SAP Center. San Jose, CA.**

  
  


When Rey and Ben finished their free skate routine, she was overcome with a lot of different emotions. First was a joyous disbelief over how  _ well _ their routine went. It was clean, sharp, powerful and technically beautiful. 

 

Second was a breathless, dizzying feeling that she sometimes felt after going on a roller coaster without having eaten all day. There had been that  _ connection  _ with Ben again during their skate, the same connection that kept sparking here and there but had gone away in the cool aftermath of dinner that night. It always made her a little dizzy and flushed, feeling that  _ pull  _ to him while she skated. 

 

The third was a blazing hot arousal. Their long program is  _ hot _ , and the emotions and backstory behind what they skate only adds gasoline to the already burning fire that is Rey and Ben’s situation. They definitely have a certain amount of chemistry that makes for an intense, electrifying and steamy performance. 

 

Too steamy, apparently, for the judges, if their scores are anything to go by. They were just okay- enough to keep them in second place for now but not enough to give them a big enough cushion against Jyn and Cassian who were to skate after them. As long as they didn’t fall, it looked like Jyn and Cassian would be jointing Hux and Phasma at the Olympics this year. 

 

The last emotion Rey felt was devastation. They were  _ so close _ , and it seemed like everything her and Ben had gone through was for nothing. 

 

Ben was also feeling some strong emotions, if the hole in the wall of the room they were waiting in was any indication. 

 

As Rey entered the holding room, she looked up at the TV screen on the wall next to where Ben had left his mark. Jyn and Cassian were taking the ice, about to skate. She knew it was going to hurt, but she needed to watch. She needed to see the moment her Olympic dreams died, the moment that would seal her and Ben’s fate. 

 

Ben was pacing around the room, muttering about how this was “horse shit”, that “this wasn’t a real fucking sport”, and that “the judges wouldn’t know real skating even if it came and bit them in their fucking asses”. Halfway through Jyn and Cassian’s routine, he tired himself out like a child after a tantrum and collapsed onto the bench, his head held in his hands, digging the heel of his palms into his eyes, hunched over in defeat. 

 

“I’m sorry I failed you, Rey.” He whispered. If Rey hadn’t been looking at him, she would have missed his whispered plea.

 

She approached him, softly pulling his hands from his head and coming to sit on the bench in front of him, straddling it like he was so she looked at him head on. “Ben, you didn’t fail me.” She lightly rubbed her thumbs against his hands where she held them, looking at the top of his head that was still bent over. “You’re the reason I even made it this far.”

 

He shook his head lightly, cause the waves of his hair to shake gently. “I’m sorry I fucked everything up.” He looked up at her then, and Rey was struck with the feeling that he wasn’t  _ just _ referring to their skating routine. 

 

“Ben.” Rey breathed out. She didn’t realize she had been holding her breath. “You didn’t. I-“

 

Luke burst into room, looking like a mad scientist running after his escaped experiment. Rey and Ben dropped each other’s hands, turning to look at him. 

 

“Look!” Luke pointed to their monitor, the TV screen replaying a particular part of Jyn and Cassian’s routine, easily one of the more difficult elements in their program. Rey watched as Jyn came down from a lift, about to enter into a death spiral when her skate caught the edge of Cassian’s suspenders and she fell, taking Cassian with her

 

They fell. 

 

_ They fell _ . 

 

Jyn and Cassian had fallen, which meant- 

 

“ _ Rey _ .” 

 

She tore her gaze from the screen and looked back at Ben, who was watching her with too many emotions across his face for Rey to catalog them all at once. Her own face must have been a mixture of shock, disbelief and wonder because that’s what Rey felt. Their eyes locked, and Ben’s face finally settled on an emotion. 

 

He looked  _ elated _ .

 

“We are in.” Luke said, but honestly Rey wasn’t paying him  _ any _ attention. 

 

She was too busy embracing Ben, being squeezed to death by his warm, large frame. 

 

They did it. 

 

They were going to the  _ Olympics _ . 

 

Rey knew  _ exactly  _ what she wanted to do next, and luckily for her Ben was on the same page.

 

“I need a fucking drink.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, our skating pair is going to drink to celebrate their victory? What could possibly go wrong, there...
> 
> Click [here](https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/ice-dancers-gabriella-papadakis-and-guillaume-cizeron-of-france-picture-id663241356) for a visual of Rey and Ben's short program costume and [here](http://www.edmontonjournal.com/sports/cms/binary/7672364.jpg?size=640x420) for a visual of their long program costume. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	10. Magnets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns that Ben really, really hates tequila. 
> 
> Ben learns that Rey can be jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, a huge thank you to my beta [fabradicalfem](https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> Second, there's an angst tag on this fic for a reason...
> 
> No skating terms this chapter, we'll get back to their prep for the Olympics next time.

**January 6th, 2018. VIP Lounge, LVL 44. San Jose, CA**

 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Ben asked skeptically.

 

They were sitting in one of the reserved booths at the closing night party at LVL 44, a hip, luxe club around the corner from the hotel and skating arena, surrounded by their friends and skating colleagues. The dim red, blue and purple uplighting cast the room in a haze of color, creating a magical, faerie-like atmosphere. The low oak table in front of where Rey and Ben sat had a giant bottle of tequila on it, with two shot glasses, a plate of lime wedges and a shaker of salt.

 

“Oh we’re doing this,” Rey declared.

 

Ben _hated_ clubs. He was always dragged out to them when he played hockey, and the only good thing that ever came from them were the nice, easy hookups that inevitably followed. That, unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) didn’t seem to be in the cards for Ben tonight, which meant he had nothing to look forward too at this present moment, other than spending time with Rey, which was both a hellish torture and a divine gift from the Heavens.

 

“If you’re sure.”

 

Rey cocked her head at him. “It sounds like someone is chickening out. We made a deal, Ben.”

 

They had made this deal months ago, over the summer, after Ben let it slip that he hated tequila. He much preferred a dark, smoky liquor over whatever the hell tequila was, but Rey loved it. So they decided that if they made it to the Olympics, Ben would do a tequila shot with Rey in celebration. Had they not moved on, Rey would be subjected to drink Ben’s favorite whiskey- _Supremacy -_ which was so outrageously overpriced that Rey laughed out loud when she googled it at home. At the time, this bet seemed like a great plan to Ben, but he was kicking his past self for not assuming he would fuck things up and make it weird by the time he got to cash in on this.

 

They hadn’t hung out alone or talked about anything besides skating in _weeks_. How was Ben supposed to drink and keep their relationship professional when all he wanted to do was gather Rey in his arms and run away with her to someplace far, far away.

 

With a sigh, Ben leaned over to the table and cracked open the bottle of tequila, pouring it into the two shot glasses provided to them by their bartender. The brand of tequila, _Starkiller_ , was one Ben had never heard of, but Rey seemed absolutely elated when it was brought over to them.

 

Ben rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, licked his tongue against the warm skin of his wrist and shook the salt shaker, feeling the grains of salt stick to where his skin was moistened from the pass of his tongue. Before he could lick the salt off his skin and take the shot, he felt Rey’s eyes on him so he looked up at her- one eyebrow was gently raised, her gaze locked onto the patch of skin where his wrist connected to his forearm, covered in salt.

 

“What?” Ben asked.

 

“I thought you hated tequila,” she said, breaking her stare and looking at Ben’s face. A small smile played across her features.

 

“Just because I hate it doesn’t mean I don’t know how to do it. You’re not the first person I’ve lost a bet to that ended in me drinking this atrocity.” Ben shook his head.

 

“That sounds like a story I want to hear.” Rey lifted her arm, tongue darting out to lick a long stripe from her forearm down to her wrist, salt shaker already in her other hand covering the wet road of her skin with the falling grains.

 

_Jesus fucking Christ._

 

It was Ben’s turn to stare at the large patch of skin on her arm. “That’s a lot of salt, Rey.” He miraculously got the words out, lower and deeper than he wanted to but beggars couldn’t be choosers and he was a beggar at Rey’s feet right now.

 

“I like salty things,” Rey said, the smirk on her face momentarily wiped away as she licked deeply over the salt, the grains coating her tongue. When she was done licking her arm, she threw the shot of tequila back and grabbed the lime wedge, sucking the juice out as her cheeks hollowed out, eyes closed in pleasure as the deep burn of the tequila was cooled by the burst of acidity from the lime.

 

When she was done sucking the life out of the lime wedge, she looked at Ben who _still_ hadn’t taken his shot of tequila and said, “What are you waiting for?”

 

With a deep, resigned sign Ben licked the salt off of his skin and threw his shot back.

 

_Fuck that’s vile._

 

This tequila wasn’t as bad as some other brands that Ben had drank in his life, but it was still tequila and Ben still _hated_ it. The lime he sucked on barely helped to minimize the burn, and his face must have been contorted into a grimace because Rey was _laughing._

 

“What the fuck are you laughing at?” he stuttered, a smile breaching the corners of Ben’s mouth as he tried to hold it back. He could listen to Rey’s laugh all day, even if it was directed at him.

 

“I’ve never seen you make that face before! Why didn’t you tell me you hated tequila so much?”

 

“I did fucking tell you I hated tequila!” Ben was outright laughing. “Did you think I was kidding when I called it an atrocity?”

 

A pit of warmth was starting to spread throughout Ben’s body. He had already had a glass of scotch with Luke when they won, and the tequila was mixing with that to create a flush of heat across his body.

 

The club was actually playing some pretty good music, and Ben watched enraptured at Rey as she swayed to the beat sitting in the booth. She caught his gaze, raised her eyebrow and threw her head to where the dance floor was located, clearly asking Ben if he wanted to dance.

 

Ben Solo was _not_ a dancer. There’s a huge difference, at least in Ben’s mind, between the routine choreography of a skating program and the ridiculous bumping and grinding that happens at clubs. Given the choice, Ben would much rather sit at the bar and watch others dance, particularly Rey if she was offering, but somehow Ben found himself saying, “Let’s go,” as he stood from his spot and extended a hand to Rey.

 

Is there anything he _wouldn’t_ do for her?

 

It became a cycle - first, they would take another shot of tequila. Second, Rey would be dancing in her seat for shorter and shorter periods of time before she looked at Ben, tossing her head to the dance floor. Then Ben, ever the gentleman, would extend his hand and lead Rey to the dance floor. They’d dance for as long as they could before Rey would grab Ben’s upper arm, pull him close, whisper in his ear, “I’m thirsty. Want to get another drink?” and lead him to their booth where they’d find the bottle of tequila and a never ending supply of salt and limes.

 

Rinse and repeat for the rest of the night.

 

Rey and Ben spent the _entire_ party together, either dancing or drinking depending on where in the cycle you caught them. After the fourth shot, Ben couldn’t stomach the detestable liquid anymore and switched to his old reliable - whiskey. Rey didn’t stop. She didn’t switch. She didn’t even drink water.

 

The pair’s behavior got decidedly less professional and more intimate as the night went on. The space between them on the couch shrunk, their dancing got more suggestive, Ben’s hand went from leaning on the booth to wrapped around Rey’s waist and her tone dropped lower and lower every time she asked him for another drink. Midway through the party, it became evident to Ben that Rey was not slowing down, so Ben did. He switched from whiskey to water, even sneaking in a few glasses to Rey when she wasn’t looking or paying attention. It was at this point, at the beginning stages of his sobering mind that Ben thought to himself _Where the fuck is Poe?_ But he didn’t have much time to dwell on that thought because Rey had turned around from where she was dancing against Ben to wrap her arms around him and dance face to face.

 

The height difference between Rey and Ben was staggering in this moment, even in her high heels. The top of her head barely reached the bottom of his, and Ben couldn’t help but notice how powerful and commanding she still looked even as small as she was. She looked directly up at him as she swayed to the music, forcing him to fully tilt his head down to match her gaze. He gave her a small smile, hands winding across her hips to the small of her back in a loose embrace as their bodies moved to the music. Ben looked back out into the crowd, not wanting to freak Rey out with a copious amount of eye contact, but apparently that was the wrong thing to do as she stretched up and _nuzzled_ into Ben’s neck. Her arms started to pull his neck and head down to hers, and Ben did everything in his power to pointedly _not look at her_ and the destination of where she was guiding his face.

 

 _God help him._ There was no way she knew or _wanted_ what she was doing tonight and Ben was not that guy. She was with Poe ( _Where the fuck is Poe?_ ) and Ben would not put her through the guilt and pain of cheating.

 

Rey was so drunk by the end of the night that even Finn was concerned about her making it back to the hotel in one piece. Ben assured Finn that he’d take care of Rey, that he had stopped drinking earlier and that she was in good hands. Thankfully, Finn didn’t need too much convincing on the matter as he looked rather distracted by Rose who couldn’t keep her hands off him.

 

_At least someone’s getting laid tonight._

 

Ben had been trying to keep Rey walking straight, but her heels were making that goal very unattainable so he knelt down and had Rey hop onto his back, carrying her the rest of the way from the club to the hotel.

 

**January 7th, 2018. Rey’s Hotel Room. Hotel De Anza. San Jose, CA.**

 

Thankfully, they had exchanged extra key cards in case there was an emergency, so after a little shimmying and maneuvering Ben was able to get the door open to Rey’s hotel room.

 

“Here we are,” Rey giggled as Ben deposited her on the bed. She sat up and began to shed her coat, having a little trouble since she was sitting on some of the fabric.

 

“Stop, let me help you,” Ben murmured in the darkness of her room, helping Rey shed her jacket. Once it was shed, he leaned back, about to move away but Rey caught him before he could move.

 

“Help?” Rey asked lightly, her leg stretching up from where she laid on the bed to brush against Ben’s chest. The movement pushed the pleats of her black skirt up her thighs, and Ben was mesmerized by the exposed golden skin.

 

He slowly undid the buckle holding her strappy heels against her foot. When he had finished and tossed the unwanted shoe away, Rey slowly switched feet. Her gaze hooded and breath heavy, Ben wasn’t fairing much better.

 

“Did you ever play with magnets, Ben?” Rey’s voice was low and slightly slurred. Ben had expected it to be much worse given the amount of alcohol she had drank, but now that she was out of the club she seemed to be sobering up. “Ever wonder why sometimes two of them would never match up? No matter how hard you tried, they’d keep resisting it.” Ben had her other foot in his hand now, frozen in place and his jaw clenched. He watched as Rey slowly began to unbutton her dark green silk blouse. “I sometime feel like that with you, Ben. Like we’re two magnets, circling and circling but never slamming together until something or someone flips and we crash and lock together.” Her words weren’t slurred anymore, instead her tone was dark and low, Ben barely able to catch what she was saying she was speaking so softly.

 

“What are you doing, Rey?” Ben asked. His voice was low and thick with his hunger for her and the skin she was exposing.

 

“I’m flipping the magnet, Ben.” Rey had gotten her blouse completely unbuttoned now, hands resting at her side holding up her upper body as she leaned back against the bed. Her chest was pushed out and back arched in this position and the glimpse of a black lace bra was all it took to break Ben from his stupor.

 

Ben flicked off her shoe and turned towards the bathroom, wanting to get Rey another glass of water before he _left and didn’t do anything_.

 

“Rey, don’t do this,” he called out from the sink as he filled the plastic cup with cool water. He saw Rey’s toiletry bag leaning against the mirror and rummaged for two aspirin. She’d need it in the morning. “Think about Poe. Don’t ruin it with him.” He crossed back from the bathroom into the open space of the room and stopped dead in his tracks.

 

Rey was standing in front of the bed, clad in only her bra and panties.

 

Ben was hallucinating. There was no way this was happening.

 

“I ended things with Poe weeks ago Ben,” she said.

 

_What?_

 

Ben’s brain was on a two second delay. The woman of his dreams was almost completely naked in front of him and she was no longer with Poe. Why, again, was he hesitating?

 

He no sooner thought this when Rey swayed a little as she began to step forward toward Ben.

 

_Right cause she’s blackout drunk._

 

Ben moved on auto pilot, placing the cup of water and the aspirin on the bedside table before he lost total control.

 

“Ben, stop and look at me!” Rey raised her voice but it cracked at the end.

 

Ben’s body was vibrating with tension. He needed to get out this hotel room before he did something they both regretted.

 

“Not like this, Rey.” He looked back up at her, and she shrunk back at the coolness of his tone. “Please. Not like _this_ .” His voice began to crack, his control starting to slip. He didn’t want to hurt her but it was the only way to leave this _fucking_ hotel room.

 

Rey’s whole body shifted in an instant when she understood his rejection. Ben saw it in her posture as her back snapped up straight, in her hands as they clenched into fists and her eyes as they misted with unshed tears.

 

“You should go,” Rey uttered.

 

He couldn’t leave it like this, with her thinking that he didn’t want her. God how wrong she was. He wanted her so badly.

 

“Rey, you don’t-” She cut him off before he could get the words out. _You don’t understand, I want you so much._

 

“I said go, Ben. Just leave.”

 

So Ben left, and pretended he didn’t hear Rey throw herself on the bed and weep.

 

**January 7th, 2018. Rey’s Hotel Room. Hotel De Anza. San Jose, CA.**

 

Rey had never been more hungover in her life.

 

She had also never been so _mortified._

 

The events of the night before were pretty foggy, but she knew she had made a complete fool of herself in front of Ben.

 

She remembered Ben hanging out with her the whole party, even though he probably had other people he’d rather be with. She remembered how much fun they had, drinking and talking like they used to before things got so weird. She remembered Ben bringing her back to the room, trying to take care of her.

 

And she remembered his rejection. “ _Not like this.”_ He has said. He pleaded with her, which was strange to Rey.

 

_What does that even mean?_

 

She was brushing her teeth, getting the bad taste of old alcohol out of her mouth when it hit her like a ton of bricks.

 

 _Not like this._ Not with Rey drunk. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her, it was that he didn’t want her _like this._

 

She felt like a fool, most of all. Of course he wasn’t going to sleep with her last night, _she was so fucking drunk._

 

Ben’s wasn’t that kind of person, he wasn’t a monster no matter how many mistakes he made in the past. Deep down, Ben Solo was a good person.

 

Fuck, she had some apologies to make.

 

She took five minutes to make herself look mildly presentable. Luckily for her, the make-up from last night didn’t get too smudged and looked about as good as she’d be able to do anyway.

 

She opened her hotel room door and instantly shrunk back from the light, like a vampire exposed to the sun before they shrivel up and die.

 

_Okay, so definitely still hung over then._

 

She grabbed her sunglasses from the counter against the wall, and tried leaving again.

 

This time, she was prepared for the sun and was able to make it halfway down the hall before she had to stop, lean against the wall to brace herself against the waves of nausea rolling over her.

 

She finally got down the hall to Ben’s room. She was going to do this. She was going to tell him how she felt without any alcohol in her system to fuck things up.

 

She could do this.

 

She knocked on Ben’s hotel door.

 

She waited.

 

Ben Solo did not open his hotel door.

 

Katarina Phasma stood in the doorway to Ben’s room. She looked mildly surprised to see Rey in front of her.

 

Not as surprised as Rey looked though.

 

“Rey! Good morning.” Phasma moved out of the way of the door, gesturing Rey to come in.

 

Rey was frozen.

 

_What the fuck is she doing here?_

 

“Where’s Ben?” Rey asked sharply. A thousand thoughts were running through her head and none of them were good.

 

“He’s in the shower. He should be out soon if you want to wait or come back or..?”

 

Rey was glaring _daggers_ at Phasma beneath her sunglasses, so much so that Phasma absolutely could tell and trailed off speaking because of it.

 

Rey was about to reply _What the fuck are you doing here_ when she heard the bathroom door open and Ben walking across the hotel room to meet them.

 

He was in a white towel, wrapped low on his hips and beads of water clung to the skin of his chest, abs and arms. His hair was an unruly, curly mess atop his head. There were bags under his eyes, and no amount of freshening up in the shower could take away from the haggard energy he gave out. He looked exhausted, but beautiful.

 

Rey swallowed. _Of fucking course he’s basically naked._

 

“Rey? Hey, how are you feeling?” Ben came up to the doorway.

 

Rey had _had_ it. Was no one going to address the Phasma sized elephant in the room?

 

“Ben we need to talk.” Rey looked pointedly at Phasma. “Alone.”

 

Phasma raised her eyebrows. “Hey, I can take a hint. I’ll get out of your hair.” She turned back into the room, grabbing a bag and a jacket. On her way out, she touched Ben’s arm, squeezing lightly, saying “It was good talking, Ben. Don’t be a stranger.”

 

With Phasma out of the way of the door, Rey was able to enter Ben’s room.

 

She didn’t.

 

She was still frozen in the hallway. She couldn’t tell if it was the handover or another round of icy rejection that paralyzed her.

 

“Rey, what’s wrong with you?” Ben had his arms crossed. He looked guarded.

 

 _That_ got her attention. She stormed away from him, back towards her hotel room. She was livid.

 

“Me? Oh no, Ben, what’s wrong with you?” Rey’s entire body lit back up under the fire of her rage. How dare he insinuate _she_ was wrong.

 

Ben followed her into the hallway, tracking her like a hunter.

 

“What the fuck are you talking about, Rey? Do you not remember last night?” Rey expected his anger in retaliation from her own, but he was cold and emotionless, jaw and body tense with holding it in. Rey was done with that. She wanted - _needed_ \- his control to snap.

 

Something had to give, and if last night didn’t push him she’d push him now.

 

She turned on him, eyes narrowed in rage. “I remember _everything_ about last night, Ben. Which is why I’m so confused as to why exactly you’d sleep with Phasma.” They were really having this fight in the middle of the fucking hallway, with him in a towel for fuck’s sake.

 

Ben laughed. He fucking _laughed_.

 

“Don’t laugh Ben, it’s not fucking funny. I thought you were a better person than that. Unless the events of last night meant nothing to you.” Rey turned away from him again, but didn’t get far.

 

His hand reached out and grabbed her arm firmly, but loose enough that if she really wanted to she could break away. “Last night, Rey? You want to talk about last night?” His voice was low and growling, and the tone of it mixed with the heat from their fight sent shivers down her spine and straight to her flushed and wet pussy.

 

 _It’s foreplay, Rey._ Poe’s words echoed in her mind.

 

“Let’s fucking talk about last night.” Ben’s cool demeanor was cracking, Rey could tell.

 

“You left-” Ben cut her off.

 

“I had to, Rey. You were so drunk.”

 

“You didn’t have to leave.” She was shaking.

 

“You told me to go, Rey. Or do you not remember that?” Rey looked down and away from his piercing gaze. “Ah, you do.” His tone was penetrating, like he was trying to find her cracks and rip them open which is what she wanted to do to him in return.

 

“You left, and then you slept with Phasma. That’s not okay, Ben,” Rey choked out. She did not want to cry, but her hangover was making her head pound and she felt too many things.

 

”I didn’t sleep with Phasma, Rey.” He flinched saying the words, as if even the thought of sleeping with her gave him physical pain.

 

“Then why was she in your room just now?” Rey was so confused. There were too many things going on, too many emotions to process.

 

“She was there because I needed a friend to talk to after last night.”

 

Something on Rey’s face must have clued Ben into her confusion because her mouth and brain were not connecting or allowing her to speak.

 

“Rey, you only want me when you’re drunk. How the fuck do you think that makes me feel?” The dam broke, and Ben’s grip on her arm tightened as he choked back tears of his own. “I needed a friend, because the only other one I have was too busy pushing me away like she always does.” As if that was her cue, Rey tried to pull her arm away, purely on instinct because this was getting to be too much. There was too much unsaid, too much happening and Rey needed to get out of there. She was _terrified._

 

Ben didn’t let her arm go. “No, Rey you don’t get to run away.” His other arm came up and now Rey was held firmly on both sides and she felt trapped.

 

“Last night you said we were magnets. That we just needed something to flip and then we’d crash together.” Rey closed her eyes, she couldn’t look at him. “This is your chance to flip that magnet, Rey,” he pleaded, his voice was so desperate and aching for her. “It couldn’t happen last night because you were drunk but it can happen now, Rey.” He squeezed her arms, waiting for her to do something. “Flip the magnet, Rey. Look at me and flip the magnet. _Please_.” He broke down, the tears finally spilling over.

 

“Ben, I can’t,” she whispered, and as she opened her eyes her mind was made up. She looked at Ben, at the man she had broken, at the pain she had caused him. She thought of everything they had been through, everything they were going to be put through during the Olympics, at her own actions from the past year and it couldn’t happen. She was too scared, too much of a mess, there were too many things at risk if this all went to shit.

 

“No, Rey. Don’t do this again,” he pleaded, but Rey was already pulling away, backing up against the door to her room and away from Ben and where she wanted to be.

 

“Ben this is too much. I can’t do this. You were right, I think we just need to be partners. Nothing more.” Rey’s voice was clear and stronger than she thought it would be, considering she felt anything but strong inside.

 

With a deep, shaky breath Ben stood back up to his full height from where he had been leaning into Rey.

 

“I’m sorry,” Rey whispered, not sure if Ben heard her. She opened her hotel room door and fled inside.

 

She cried herself to sleep to the sounds of a fist connecting to a wall, and a string of expletives from a broken man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY.


	11. Volant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben learns that Rey bruises easily. 
> 
> Rey learns that Ben has been thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my defense, I went to Disney and got way less writing done than I wanted to, but I saw Kylo Ren so it was totally worth it. 
> 
> A million and one thank yous to my beta [fabradicalfem](https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> Skating terms this chapter: 
> 
> Bounce Spin: this spin move, also known as the Head Banger, is one of the most dangerous moves in skating. The female partner is spun in the air by her partner holding onto her ankles. 
> 
> The Skywalker Twist: A completely fictional and illegal move taken from the film (in the movie its called the Pamchenko). This move starts in a bounce spin and progresses into a throw jump. As Ben spins, he swings Rey by her ankles, letting her gain momentum and height. He then let’s go, throwing her into the air where she spins and then Ben catches her as she lands. Completely illegal in current figure skating rules, but super cool for the purposes of this.
> 
> Without further delay, enjoy!

**August 25th, 2001. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA.**

 

Ben Solo loved to skate.

 

He had been skating his whole life, and felt truly at home on the ice, more so than his actual home.

 

Ben had first been introduced to figure skating, and loved it. He loved the feeling of freedom when he’d fly through the air, loved the feeling of power when he’d land a high impact jump, he loved getting attention from his mom, basically the only time he’d get it since she was so busy with running the rink and tending to other skaters most of the time.

 

Ben didn’t think he could love anything as much as figure skating.

 

Then he discovered hockey.

 

Hockey was a different feeling of freedom and power, much more intense and physical, but Ben seemed to love it equally, if not more. He discovered hockey around the age he discovered his temper, and was pleased to find that he could take out his anger on the opposing team and not get into trouble.

 

On this particular day, however, he did in fact get into trouble.

 

He was sitting in the bench in his mother’s office. Leia was, of course, there, as was uncle Luke and Mr. Snoke. Mr. Snoke was a scout for a hockey team at a boarding school and wanted Ben to attend. He saw great potential in Ben, and Ben wanted to go very badly.

 

But he also still wanted to skate with his Uncle Luke.

 

Ben was very confused and angry, as thirteen year old boys can often be, and started to let his anger seep into his figure skating practices, not just his hockey ones.

 

This behavior came to a head one August day, after Ben had received more pressure from Snoke, Uncle Luke, his mother and his father about his future. During figure skating practice he got very upset that he couldn’t land a particular jump and threw his ice skate into the rink glass and shattered it. The shattered glass cut another student, sending them to the hospital to receive stitches.

 

Uncle Luke was livid, and claimed Ben was far too aggressive after playing hockey to continue with his skating lessons. He declared, in front of all the other skating students, that Ben was banned from the rink and from Luke’s classes until he got his anger in check.

 

Which is how Ben found himself here, in his mother’s office, surrounded by grownups trying to decide his fate.

 

Ben was still angry, but he was mostly scared and upset at Luke. Luke had always told him he had a place in the rink no matter what, so now why was Luke betraying him? Anger was an emotion, and feeling emotions were good, or at least that’s what Mr. Snoke has told Ben. _So why is Luke kicking me out?_

 

“Ben, what do you want?” a very tired looking Leia finally asked him directly.

 

Ben looked at the faces of all the adults around him.

 

His mother’s face - almost that of a stranger to him with how busy she had been lately- looking exasperated and at wit’s end.

 

Mr. Snoke - a mentor and man Ben had met a couple years ago but felt like he knew all his life - who had already done so much for him, _wanted_ him to go to this boarding school and play hockey and _belong_ somewhere.

 

And Uncle Luke - someone Ben had trusted his whole life - but who recently was abandoning him just like everyone else had.

 

As Ben was formulating his decision, he caught the gaze of Luke. If Ben was a little older, he would have understood the silent conversation Luke was trying to have with him. He would have seen the regret and shame at snapping at his nephew that Luke felt, would have seen the apology written across his face, and the desire for Ben to _stay._

 

But Ben was only thirteen.

 

So Ben Solo made the decision to leave his family and figure skating career behind him, to go off to boarding school with Mr. Snoke to play hockey, and to live with never knowing what his uncle was trying to tell him.

 

**January 10th, 2018. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA**

 

“So we have a little problem, hm?” Luke pondered audibly as Rey and Ben stood on the ice in front of him after warm ups, so far apart that Luke barely saw both of them in his field of vision without having to turn his neck. They were stick-still, body language completely closed off from one another. In fact, they weren’t even _looking_ at each other- Rey and Ben had their backs facing the other, profiles visible to only Luke.

 

Something was definitely wrong.

 

They hadn’t talked to each other, looked at each other or even touched each other at all since Nationals, and even Luke had noticed. It was the first rehearsal back after their win, and they should have been totally in sync, ready to practice, high on victory but instead they were acting like grumpy, petulant children.

 

Luke wasn’t having any of it.

 

Sure, on a personal level he wanted Ben and Rey to figure their shit out. He loved them both and thought they made a great couple together. But he was also their coach, and it was his job to make them ready for the Olympics, no matter what was going on between them personally.

 

Rey and Ben were still partners. It’s high time they start acting like it.

 

“Good. We skip the little problem and go straight to the big one,” Luke got up from his chair and started to lay out pieces of notebook paper on the ice.

 

He was met with silence. Still.

 

“What’s the big problem, coach?” Luke mimicked Rey as he finished laying out the notebook paper, voice pitched high and in a horrible British accent. “I’m glad you asked,” Luke replied in mock conversation.

 

He threw a newspaper down onto the ice as well, the pages opened to the sports section highlighting the European Ice Skating Championships. “Ahsoka Tano has come out of retirement to coach the newly crowned European Champions Bazine Netal and Snap Wexley.”

 

_That_ finally got Ben’s attention. “They got Ahsoka?”

 

“That they did. And last night, they received perfect scores. They’re all anyone can talk about, pushing you two to the back burner. You’re performance at Nationals was good, solid, but it’s not enough. Not enough to beat Hux and Phasma, and certainly not enough to beat Bazine and Snap.” Luke paced slightly as he explained the situation.

 

“So what, we just give up?” Ben snapped.

 

Luke smirked. “Oh no, far from it.”

 

Luke had landed in front of the first piece of paper he laid down.

 

“There’s one trick I still have up my sleeve. I just need to know if you two are ready for it.” Luke’s gaze ran heavily across the pair, and the distance that separated them.

 

With a sigh and a clench of his jaw, Ben turned to face Luke. He quickly stole a glance to his right, where Rey was standing, and Luke got the impression that Ben had hoped to keep that little glance a secret.

 

_Oh you poor boy._

 

“I’m ready,” Ben replied coolly.

 

Luke nodded his head at his nephew. For all their past mistakes and misunderstandings, Luke knew better than to count Ben out of any challenge.

 

But Luke hadn’t really challenged him yet. Not like this.

 

“And what about you, missy? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

 

Rey flinched lightly before turning to face Luke and pointedly _not_ looking at Ben.

 

“I’m in.”

 

Luke clapped his hands together and rubbed them, warming them up from the cold air of the rink. “Let’s get started then.”

 

———————-

 

“A bounce spin into a throw? Are you crazy?”

 

“My therapist doesn’t seem to think so,” Luke joked back.

 

“We can’t do this,” Rey said with a shake of her head.

 

“You can. _Both_ of you can.”

 

Rey looked wide eyed and a little stunned. Ben looked slightly more angry than normal. All things considered, this was going as expected to Luke.

 

“The key is the release. You have to commit to it, fully and without hesitation. You hesitate, you go half way, you pull back _at all_ and it doesn’t work.”

 

“Luke, this move is illegal,” Ben said, always the stickler for rules and regulations.

 

“Eh, it’s more of a grey area,” Luke said with a wiggle of his hand.

 

Ben went back to looking at the sketch, wheels in his head turning a mile a minute. “So it’s a bounce spin into a throw twist, and then I catch her?” Ben questioned out loud, though whether it was to himself or to Luke even he wasn’t sure.

 

Luke answered though. “Well, sort of.”

 

Ben eyed him, about to continue into the theory of the move but Rey interrupted with a shake of her head, “We can’t do this.”

 

“Why not?” Luke pressed back. “We have all the pieces, we,”

 

“We have five weeks!” Rey exclaimed, cutting him off. She had been too silent the whole time, and honestly Luke thought she’d be more on board than Ben seemed to be.

 

Ben laughed, finally noticing the move name at the top of the page. “The Skywalker Twist, really?”

 

Luke just smiled, raising an eyebrow as if to say “ _But of course.”_

 

Rey rolled her eyes and skated away. “Absolutely not!” she called out over her shoulder.

 

Luke changed tactics. “No, you’re right. It’s too risky.” He started to gather back up the sketches and notes of the move, mumbling under his breath just loud enough for Rey and Ben to hear, “It’s not the right time”, “maybe I had the wrong skaters” and, “I thought they were ready.”

 

With Rey’s back still turned to the boys, Ben caught the eye of his uncle.

 

Luke and Ben shared a silent conversation, and Ben was instantly transported back to that fateful day so many years ago when he _didn’t_ understand what Luke was trying to say to him.

 

Well this time, he did.

 

Ben saw the _love_ his uncle had for him, the passion and confidence Luke felt about Ben and Rey, and the pleading look to make things right. Luke seemed to be saying with his eyes, “ _Get Rey on board, Ben. It’s our only hope_ ,” and Ben knew he _had_ to get Rey to do this move. He had to do this for Luke. For all the years they wasted. For all the miscommunication and silent conversations that ended in heartbreak. _Not this time._

 

“This is good stuff, Luke. Challenging, for sure, but doable. At least, _I_ can do this.”

 

Rey froze, spinning around instantly. “Are you suggesting that I can’t?”

 

If there was one thing Ben and Luke knew to be true about Rey, it was that she didn’t like people assuming she couldn’t do things.

 

She was also ridiculously competitive.

 

Ben would take the flicker of rage that Rey was surely feeling at him right now if it would get her to do this move.

 

“I’m not, I’m just saying I definitely can,” Ben said with a shrug of his shoulders, enhancing the smug, nonchalance he was trying to portray.

 

Rey’s eyes narrowed as she skated back toward the men, stopping short directly in front of Luke and ripping the papers from his hand only to glare back at Ben.

 

“Let’s do this, you brute.”

 

**January 28th, 2018. Resistance Skating Company. Boston, MA**

 

Bruises.

 

Her body was _covered_ in bruises.

 

Her thighs, her arms, her torso, even her cheek had bruises.

 

Rey had never been more bruised in her life, not even the abuse she faced from Plutt was this physically marring.

 

And what, exactly, did she have to show for her battle scars?

 

_Nothing._

 

It had been eighteen days, two and half weeks - halfway through their only practice time left until the fucking Olympics - of non-stop practice and Rey and Ben had only landed the move once.

 

They were absolutely, positively, completely _fucked_.

 

“Higher, higher! She has to fly!” Luke proclaimed.

 

They were in the rink, drilling the move over and over again. As they braced for take off, Rey could tell that she hadn’t gotten enough momentum. She wasn’t going to get high enough in the air to land cleanly.

 

She wondered where on her body the next bruise would show up.

 

Another failure, a slam against the ice sent Rey’s head crashing against the hard, cold surface.

 

This was bad.

 

Her vision blacked out for a second as she shook her head to clear away the blurry vision and struggled to rise from where she laid prone. She was so cold, so tired, so _done._

 

Ben skated over to where she lay on the ground, arm outstretched to help her up.

 

She didn’t take it.

 

Rejection flashed in Ben’s eyes. Rey was getting really fucking used to seeing that emotion.

 

“That’s enough for today,” Luke sighed defeatedly, exiting the rink with a slump of his shoulders.

 

Rey finally stood up, taking a deep heaving breath as she tried to calm the shivers in her body.

 

Ben glanced back at her, looking like he wanted to say something.

 

He didn’t.  

 

He turned and left, too.

 

**February 5th, 2018. Logan Airport. Boston, MA.**

 

“ _Attention all passengers, flight 203 to San Francisco will begin boarding in ten minutes.”_

 

“Ben!”

 

Ben looked up from his crossword puzzle to see Leia approaching him.

 

They were in the terminal waiting to board their connecting flight. First, they’d travel from Boston to San Francisco where they’d have a three hour layover before boarding a thirteen hour plane ride to South Korea.

 

Ben was _very_ excited.

 

Ben had always loved flying in airplanes and grew up around them thanks to Han, at one point even wanting to be a pilot like him.

 

Ben was also very much looking forward to some uninterrupted _Ben_ time. He was going to be sitting next to Leia during both flights, and his mother was notorious for never being in her seat- always getting up to walk around and visit with the other passengers. Resistance Skating Company had so many competitors in the Olympics this year that they took up the entirety of the first class section, so there would be _plenty_ of people for Leia to talk to.

 

Leia was obviously on the trip, Luke too seeing as how he was Rey and Ben’s couch. Poe was competing in Men’s Singles so he was going, along with his coach Amilyn Holdo. Kaydel Connix, another Resistance skater, was competing in Women’s Singles so she was here with her coach, Gial Ackbar. Rose, Paige and the girls from their team were going to check out the synchronized skating competition, Jess - who worked in the office- was coming as “tactical support” (whatever that meant), and even Finn had gotten to tag along somehow, unbeknownst to Ben how exactly he managed that when he was just a zamboni driver who taught beginners.

 

And of course, the ice queen herself, Rey.

 

Their “relationship” had never been more fractured than it was now. Between the fight they had at Nationals and practice after practice of them failing to master The Skywalker Twist, Ben and Rey couldn’t have been more distant.

 

Ben was miserable anytime he saw her. He kept thinking of everything they had been through, what happened, where had everything gone to shit. Lately, he kept going back to the fight in the hallway of the hotel and all the things he wanted to say and do. The more he thought about it, the more questions he had. _Did he push her too far, too quickly? Was she embarrassed about the night before? Did she really only ever want him when she was drunk? Could that be enough for him, if she ever asked again?_

 

Ben knew that Rey had a very hurtful and damaging past, that she wasn’t actively trying to claw Ben’s heart out of his chest every time they interacted. She wasn’t trying to be spiteful, it’s just what happened when you loved someone and they didn’t love you back.

 

Ben knew that Rey at least felt _physically_ attracted to him, if her behavior at Nationals was any indication, but honestly Ben wanted more. Yes, he wanted to have sex with Rey - probably desired her more than he had anyone or anything ever - but it wasn’t just sex for Ben. He really did love Rey, and for whatever reason she didn’t love him back.

 

Fine.

 

He’d been thinking about what to do for a while now, and believed he finally had his answer. Lucky for him, he’d have the whole plane ride to talk it over with Leia, when she wasn’t running around being a social butterfly, that is.

 

“Ben Solo, why do you have your serious thinking face on?” Leia said as she sat next to him in the terminal seating area.

 

“Nothing,” Ben said with a small shake of his head. “We can talk about it on the flight.”

 

“About that,” Leia began. She had that telltale sparkle in her eye that alerted Ben to run _far away._ “I don’t think we’ll be sitting next to each other anymore, my dear. There are some things I need to discuss with Luke and then I have to talk to Kaydel about her costume back up plan because the damn postal service lost her package and they can’t find it now, and I just have so much to do near the _back_ of where we are sitting so I switched seats,” Leia said with a flick of her hand, as if to shoo away any counter argument Ben might bring up.

 

He sighed. “Who am I sitting with now, Mother?”

 

“Poe.” Leia replied.

 

Ben instantly deflated.

 

“Mother, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

 

“Why not Ben?” She feigned innocence, clearly understanding the history between the two men, but not directly saying it to spare Ben the embarrassment.

 

Ben’s eyes flickered to where Rey sat next to Finn, Poe and Rose, nose buried deep in her worn copy of _Pride and Prejudice_.

 

“Please tell me this is just until we reach San Francisco and not the _whole_ trip?” Ben pleaded.

 

Leia simply patted his knee and got up from her seat.

 

“ _Attention passengers, we will now begin boarding for flight 203 with direct service to San Francisco.”_

 

It was going to be a _long_ flight.

 

**February 6th, 2018. Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, 6 hours until landing.**

 

Ben Solo _hated_ this flight.

 

He hated this stupid airline that only played sappy love movies.

 

He hated the Olympics for being in South Korea.

 

He hated his mother for switching seats.

 

He recently started to hate Poe fucking Dameron too.

 

Their flight to San Francisco hadn’t actually been all that terrible.

 

Turns out, Poe and Ben had a lot in common. They both were around the same age, both had been skating all their lives, both men had family that had skated professionally, too.

 

All things considered, he was actually enjoying his time with Poe except for one awkward conversation right after take off, before the flight attendants had gotten the beverage service started and both men ordered a whiskey, discovering their mutual fondness for the drink that started them on their path to a new friendship.

 

The awkward moment began after takeoff, when Poe looked at Ben and apologized.

 

“Listen, we’re gonna be stuck together for a while, and I just need to get this off my chest,” Poe looked right at Ben, warm eyes open to convey his sincerity.

 

“Okay?” Ben questioned. He wasn’t too sure what on Earth Poe was talking about as the two hadn’t spent more than five minutes alone together other than that cringe-worthy conversation from New Years - _FYI, Ben’s horse was still bigger than Poe’s horse_.

 

“I’m sorry about the whole Rey thing. I honestly didn’t know you two were involved or whatever,” Poe began.

 

Ben sucked in a breath, honestly not expecting Poe to bring this up now at the beginning of their six hour flight.

 

“We’re not. Involved, I mean,” Ben sharply replied.

 

Poe seemed to not want to have this conversation just as much as Ben, maybe even more. He was tapping his foot up at down at a frantic pace and pointedly not looking at Ben.

 

“I guess I just… Look if that happened to me I’d want… well I don’t know, man.”

 

Oh but Ben did know, and he appreciated the effort on Poe’s part, no matter how awkward this whole situation was.  

 

“Nah, Poe I get it. Its fine. We weren’t… I mean we aren’t together. There’s nothing to apologize for.” Ben really wanted this conversation to be over now.

 

‘Yeah, I mean I get that officially you’re not… but I mean…there’s something there.” he shrugged, as if stating a completely obvious, _no big deal_ bit of information.  

 

Ben wished for the airplane to lose cabin pressure and for the oxygen masks to come down and cover their mouths to _end this conversation please oh God._

 

“Not on her part there isn’t.” Ben’s tone was darker than he wished, betraying the hurt he felt to a person he absolutely did not want to talk to this about.

 

Someone finally answered Ben’s prayer because Becky, the very perky flight attendant finally came over and took their order, launching the two into a heated discussion about the intricacies of whiskey versus scotch.

 

He didn’t start to hate Poe until they boarded their flight second flight. Ben was actually looking forward to sitting next to Poe, even thinking about asking Poe for some advice on his current situation, that is until he sat in his seat.

 

When Ben looked up from placing his bag on the floor under the seat in front of him, he was met with not the eyes of Poe, but with the soul sucking hazel eyes of Rey.

 

“Poe and I traded… so he could sit next to Holdo.” Rey shrugged.

 

Ben simply continued to stare - well glare, really. _Fuck you, Poe._

 

“Okay,” he murmured.

 

“So, I’ll be sitting here now.” Rey adjusted the strap of her bag over her shoulder.

 

“Sure.” Ben was relegated to one word answers, his mind too busy hurling curse words at Poe and his mother to come up with anything else.

 

“Miss,” the flight attendant came up behind Rey. “Please take your seat, there’s a line of people waiting.”

 

“Oh, of course. I’m sorry.” Rey crouched down to lift her bag and place it in the overhead compartment.

 

“Here, let me help.” Ben got up from his seat, trying to take the bag from Rey as she lifted the bulky carry-on.

 

“I’ve got it, Ben,” Rey hissed. They managed to wiggle the bag into the compartment, Ben standing firmly in front of Rey and he felt her stiffen up the moment she realized how close they were.

 

Ben was frozen, just staring at the flushed skin of Rey’s collarbone where it had peaked out from her oversized sweatshirt she was wearing that had moved when they jostled her bag around. She had the prettiest dusting of freckles across her chest.

 

They breathed in each other’s air, their bodies both tingling, blood pounding at how close they were. No matter how hard they tried, something - some force, or feeling, or power- always managed to get them physically together again.

 

“Ben,” his name came out in a breathy huff, Rey catching his gaze and pulling his attention to her eyes - her gorgeous, big, round, beautiful hazel eyes - where Ben could see his own reflection in them.

 

“Yes, Rey?” His voice was low, dark but guarded. He’d never be caught with his walls down around her again, no matter how pretty her eyes were.

 

“I’m-”

 

“Miss, please take your seat!” The flight attendant cut Rey off, barking out her demand.

 

So Ben found himself trapped in a uncomfortably silent airplane ride, the only saving grace being he had the aisle seat in First Class, having plenty of room to stretch his legs out and (sort of) comfortably fall asleep.

 

The seats on this plane were the kind that turned and reclined, so while for a normal person this would be plenty of room, Ben was about six inches too tall for this and wound up curled in a fetal position, back facing Rey as she stretched out like a cat next to him.

 

Things were honestly fine until he woke up.

 

They had two hours left until they landed, and Ben woke lazily to the smell of raspberries and sunshine when something tickled his nose.

 

He cracked an eye open and froze.

 

He had fallen asleep very carefully on his side, making sure his back was to Rey. He had _made sure_ they weren’t touching.

 

Sometime in the middle of the night, sleeping Ben made his way to Rey’s side of the seat and, realizing the arm rest was down and there was nothing blocking him from what he craved most, tucked her against him.

 

They were fucking _spooning_ on the reclined seats in first class. Rey was snoring lightly, her head tucked under his, resting on the upper part of his arm that Ben now realized was definitely asleep and tingling back to life. Her back was flush with his chest, her ass grazing just above his dick and holy fuck he needed to move away _now._

 

Ben slowly slithered his arm out from under Rey, knowing she was a pretty deep sleeper and not too concerned about waking her. He sat up, brought his seat to an upright and locked position, basically begged the next flight attendant he saw for a Bloody Mary, and absolutely positively did not look at Rey’s round, peachy, perfect ass the rest of the time she was asleep.

 

Maybe.

 

**February 14th, 2018. Gangneung Ice Arena. Pyeongchang County, Gangwon Province, South Korea.**

 

“Are you sure you want to do this, Ben?” Leia questioned her son, not in a condescending tone but rather an open, gentle one. Like she was really asking if this is what he wanted.

 

Was it?

 

_Not really, but it’s my only fucking option._

 

“I’m sure. It’s what’s for the best,” Ben replied.

 

“The best for whom, my dear?” Leia sounded so sad, a deep melancholy pulsing through her normally cheerful exterior.

 

With a shrug of his shoulders Ben took another sip of the subpar hot chocolate he was drinking, hoping to hide the grimace on his face.

 

He finally had a quiet moment with his mother in one of the private makeshift rooms of the skating pavilion. It was a couple hours before their short program, Ben and Rey having already warmed up and gone their separate ways to get dressed and prepared before they were to report back into the main area of the arena. He had been trying for _days_ to speak to Leia, and although the timing wasn’t great it was the first private moment he had had with her since they landed and the Olympic craziness had set in.

 

Ben also needed to tell her now before he changed his mind.

 

“Have you told Rey yet?” Leia said, arm coming out to lay lightly on Ben’s knee.

 

“Told me what?” Rey said, appearing through the curtains. She had her makeup and hair done but was still in her warm up gear, clutching her costume in one arm. She always had Ben help her into the tricky costume, a tradition they shared since Regionals that brought them some luck so far.

 

Ben really, really, _really_ didn’t want to have this conversation now.

 

One look into Rey’s curious yet stubborn eyes told him there was no way out.

 

Ben took a deep breath, trying to steady the nerves that jumped around his stomach like fleas on a stray dog.

 

“I’ve been thinking,” Ben began.

 

“Well that’s never a good thing,” Rey joked. It was the first time in a while she had fallen back into their usual banter and Ben was horrified at the thought of ruining that with what he was about to say.

 

The smile fell off Rey’s lips when she realized Ben was serious. “What is it, Ben?”

 

“I’m retiring, Rey. This will be my last Olympics.”

 


	12. The Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns why Ben is really retiring. 
> 
> Ben learns that Rey has a strange thing about buttons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised no more angst.
> 
> I really tried. 
> 
> I failed...
> 
> No skating terms this chapter, although I do discuss the inner workings of a zamboni, which is something I never thought I'd have to do in my life. Basically a zamboni works by shaving the gross, old ice off the top of the rink, melting it down and refreezing a new layer onto it.
> 
> Much love to my beta [fabradicalfem](https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/)!

**February 14th, 2018. Gangneung Ice Arena. Pyeongchang County, Gangwon Province, South Korea.**

 

Cold.

 

Rey was so very cold.

 

That is to say, she was always cold but this was a different type of chill; not a physical one, although she absolutely was chilly standing there in nothing but her warm-up gear. No, this chill was different. It was an icy thickness deep in her blood, freezing her from the inside out. It crawled up her veins and penetrated her heart, freezing her limbs and stealing her breath. 

 

“ _ I’m retiring, Rey,”  _ he said. 

 

“What?” Rey whispered, her whole body frozen in shock. 

 

Ben sighed and got up from the bench he was sitting on to move toward Rey cautiously, like she was a frightened animal ready to bolt at any second. 

 

“I’m sorry, Rey. I can’t-” he glanced at Leia, swallowing down words that Rey desperately wanted to hear. “I didn’t want you to find out like this.” He looked down, took her hands in his, instantly setting her fingers and palms on fire with the warmth of his body. It was the only thing anchoring her to the present, keeping her from sinking into a dark pool of despair. Her skin was tingling where he touched her, nerves on fire from the contact. “I think it’s time I moved on,” he whispered, only loud enough for Rey to hear. 

 

Ben had chosen his words so carefully, so that if Leia were to overhear she really wouldn’t  _ get it _ . 

 

But Rey did. 

 

Rey understood what Ben was inferring. 

 

_ It’s time I move on from you, Rey. _

 

He was leaving because of her. 

 

“We  _ will _ win the gold together, Rey. And then I’ll retire. Go out on top. It makes sense,” Ben said, but Rey wasn’t entirely sure if he was trying to convince her or himself. 

 

Rationally, her mind understood what Ben was saying. Yes, it  _ rationally  _ seemed like a sound argument. Ben was getting old, for the skating world at least, and realistically Rey knew that he’d have to think about his future soon. It might have been a little early, but logically Ben probably wasn’t making it to another Olympics, so why not retire now?

 

All of these points made rational, logical sense. 

 

Rey was anything but rational at this particular moment, however.

 

She was hurt, depressed, angry and scared, and those were just the emotions she had been able to recognize in the short span of time since her world collapsed in on itself. 

 

So she did the one thing her survival instincts told her to do.

 

She ran.

 

She ran far away - past the holding room, past the entrance to the main rink, past the concession stand - finally making her way to the back edge of the rink where the zambonis were kept. As she ran, she vaguely registered Ben yelling after her, his footsteps trying so hard to keep up with her until she was lost in the crowd and away from it all. 

 

Rey climbed, sitting atop the lone machine in the deserted back room, her head resting on her knees trying to calm her breathing. She noticed, in a passing moment of clarity, that she was sitting on a broken one, a little yellow sticky note displaying the words “Broken, Do Not Use”.

 

How fitting that the broken girl would find herself sitting on top of the broken zamboni. 

 

Rey’s entire world was flipped on its head and she had no one to blame but  _ herself. _

 

Ben wasn’t really retiring because it logically made sense. He was leaving because of  _ her _ .

 

Rey had pushed and pushed and pushed Ben away, trying to protect her heart, to protect their chance at a gold medal, to protect what little they had. 

 

But she had pushed him too far, and now Ben was leaving her anyway. 

 

_ That  _ is why Rey wept, sitting alone on a broken zamboni in the back of the rink at the fucking Olympics, two hours until she had to skate. She wept for what could have been, for the wasted time and pain she inflicted on them for no good reason. She wept for Ben, and his warmth that she would never feel again. She wept for it all.

 

While she wept, she worked. 

 

She noticed a toolbox by her feet, and began tinkering with the zamboni’s parts, trying to find what was wrong with it. 

 

As she twisted and turned the inner knobs and bolts, Rey discovered the problem was an easy fix. The screw that propelled the shaved ice into the collecting tank by the heart of the zamboni had loosened, pushing the ice away from the tank instead of into it. Rey simply tightened the screw, and the broken zamboni was now fixed. 

 

Finding a pen in the toolbox, Rey scribbled “fixed!” onto the sticky note. She noticed the tears had stopped, her panicked breaths had calmed down and the frantic need to run had melted away with the physical exertion of her work.

 

Rey jumped down from the hub of the zamboni and walked back towards the rink. She had a gold medal to win, after all. 

 

Before she even made it back to the holding room, Rey saw Luke pacing outside the curtain that separated it from the busy hallway. 

 

“Rey!” Luke grabbed her arm. “Are you okay?” he asked, eyes roaming across her body checking to make sure she was fine.

 

Rey nodded, still not trusting herself to speak yet. Sure, she wasn’t crying anymore but she couldn’t tell if that was because she was actually doing better or if she simply had run out of tears. 

 

“Good. In that case, where the fuck have you been?” Luke exclaimed. He pulled her into the holding room, pushing her down onto the bench in the center of the room. She glanced at the TV screen to her right - she had a little over an hour until she skated, judging by the program lineup that was displayed. 

 

“I needed to take a walk.” Rey’s voice was clear and strong, the exact opposite of how she felt inside. She didn’t know how much Luke knew, and didn’t want to start down the rabbit hole of emotion again by bringing it up. Working on the zamboni had helped her clear her head for the time being, and Rey needed every coping mechanism she knew to prepare her for when she skated with Ben. 

 

“Well next time you need a walk, take it after you skate at the Olympics. You had us worried sick, Ben’s been looking all over for you for almost a full hour after you scampered off,” Luke sighed, and sat down next to Rey on the bench. His tone was that of a reprimanding father: exasperated and a little angry, but also full of concern. 

 

He placed one of his hands on Rey’s knee, giving it a small squeeze. “I know you’re nervous. I know things between you and Ben are,” he paused, searching for the right words, “Strained.”  _ That was an understatement. _ “Even so, you and Ben will be fine. You’re good skaters, and you’ll make us proud no matter what.” 

 

Clearly based on that, Rey knew that Luke assumed she had freaked out because she was nervous to skate.  _ Sure, let’s go with that. _

 

“Thanks, Luke,” Rey said with a small, sad smile. 

 

Luke pulled her into a side hug, tucking her head into the crook of his neck.

 

Rey simply sat, finding comfort in Luke’s embrace even if he didn’t fully realize why she needed the hug. 

 

“Alright, kid. Let’s go win a medal.”

 

———————-

 

She couldn’t breathe. 

 

When she saw him again, walking towards where she waited by the entrance to the ice with Luke, ten minutes before they were about to skate, Rey’s mind went blank. She was simultaneously cold and feverish, numb and alive, feeling nothing and feeling  _ too much _ . 

 

Seeing him in his costume, with his loosely curled hair and plush lips and sad, sad eyes, Rey lost all ability to function like a normal human being. 

 

She wanted to say so much to him. 

 

_ I’m sorry for pushing you away.  _

 

_ Please don’t leave me.  _

 

_ Let’s win this gold.  _

 

_ I was a coward and a bitch for how I treated you.  _

 

_ I think I might love you.  _

 

None of that came out of her mouth. Instead, the only thing Rey could say was, “You forgot a button.”

 

Smooth, Rey. Very smooth.

 

To Ben’s credit, he tried really hard to hide the “ _ what the fuck is wrong with this girl”  _ look that graced his face. 

 

“Uh, what?” 

 

“Your top button. You missed it,” Rey replied. She needed to focus on something, needed to gain control of the situation somehow or else she was going to fall deep back down that rabbit hole and no amount of fixing broken zambonis was going to pull her back up. 

 

Either Ben sensed this, or he thought she had snapped and gone completely crazy from the events of today. Whatever the case may be, Ben slipped into their cool, masked banter saying, “I know, I like it open.” 

 

This was good. This was normal.  This was comfortable. Rey knew how to do this, their playful sparring with words. Rey could easily handle this. 

 

Maybe. 

 

“Well it looks terrible.” She glanced down to Ben’s neck where the open button exposed pale, muscled skin. Skin she wanted to lick and nibble and bite and whisper sweet nothings into it.

 

Jesus fucking Christ, she needed to get a grip.  

 

“It pulls at my neck,” Ben snapped, hooking a finger into the offending material and pulling it further away from where it lay against the intersection of his neck and collarbone. 

 

“Well you should have mentioned that sooner.” 

 

Ben turned fully to face her, not bothering to look at the ice where Hux and Phasma just finished their short routine to a round of applause and flashing lights of press cameras. 

 

“Well-”

 

“Enough,” snapped Luke. “Focus.” 

 

Luke motioned them toward the screen where Hux and Phasma’s scores were being flashed. They received great marks.

 

_ Fan-fucking-tastic.  _

 

A rink staff member came up to them, telling them they were on next, but all Rey could think of was that fucking button. 

 

“Button it,” She hissed. 

 

Luke placed his hands on their shoulders, wishing them luck and spurring them on.

 

“We’re up,” was Ben’s reply, a forced calmness said through a clenched jaw as he walked onto the ice. 

 

Rey followed, hyper-focused on the button. She couldn’t think of anything else, couldn’t focus on the feelings or emotions of the routine, of the way Ben’s hands felt against her as they moved in practiced harmony, of the fact that this might be the second to last time she ever skated with Ben. 

 

Rey was dissociating more than she ever had in her entire life. She didn’t feel like Rey. She didn’t feel like she was skating at the Olympics. She didn’t feel  _ anything _ . 

 

Except for that mother fucking button.

 

It showed. 

 

**February 14th, 2018. The Olympic Village, Rey’s room. Pyeongchang County, Gangwon Province, South Korea.**

 

_ “A technically superior program, without a doubt, Tara. But did you feel, like I did, that there was something missing?” _

 

_ “Absolutely, Johnnie. They delivered all the short program required moves, but it seemed very cold.” _

 

_ “As if we were seeing two strangers rather than a fluid pair. It’s a far cry from their performance at Nationals, Tara. That was spicy.” _

 

Rey shut the television off. 

 

She couldn’t listen to it anymore. 

 

She couldn’t do this anymore.

 

After they got off the ice, and received their scores - they were sitting in third place,  _ again _ \- Rey had tried to avoid speaking with Ben at all costs. 

 

It worked until they got into the locker room, and she had to tell him they weren’t doing the Skywalker. 

 

“We’re not doing it, Ben. It’s not ready,” Rey argued as she ripped her skates off.

 

“What? Rey, it’s the only way we’ll win gold,” Ben asserted. 

 

He was right, though. It was the only chance they had. Go big, or go home. 

 

Rey didn’t care, though. 

 

She threw her skates into her bag, muttering under her breath, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

 

“What was that?” Ben asked. He was fuming, Rey could tell. He was trying so hard to keep it under control. 

 

He was doing a much better job than Rey. 

 

She needed to cry again. She needed a drink. She needed to get out of this mother fucking rink. 

 

“Nevermind.” Rey grabbed her bag and pushed past Ben.

 

Well, she tried to anyway. He grabbed her arm, just like he did in the hallway of the hotel at Nationals and Rey felt fear bubble back up into her stomach. She was not ready to have another fight with him.

 

“What happened out there, Rey?”

 

“Ben, let me go,” Rey warned. 

 

“No, Rey. No, I want to know. You’re a much better skater than that bullshit we just did. So what happened?”

 

“Leave it alone, Ben,” Rey started to cry. As her sobs quickly took over her body, Ben’s anger deflated. 

 

“Rey, stop pushing me away. I’m here. I’m right fucking here,” he pleaded. 

 

“No, you’re not here. You’re leaving, Ben,” Rey croaked.

 

Using all her strength, she ripped her arm away from him and barreled so quickly out of the locker room she didn’t hear his sigh turn into a quiet sob. 

 

So here she sat, on the window ledge of her room in the Olympic village, drinking a glass of wine, wrapped in the jersey Ben gave her their first Christmas together, waiting for all her tears to purge from her body. How Leia managed to get them all private rooms Rey would never understand, but she was so unbelievably grateful for it. Rey didn’t know what she’d do if she had to share the room and have someone witness her emotional breakdown like this. 

 

In the hours since she learned of Ben’s decision, Rey had done a lot of soul searching. 

 

She found that she did not like everything that lay within her. 

 

She knew that Ben had feelings for her. Why else would he be retiring? Why else would he have put up with her horrid behavior? Why else would he have left First Order? 

 

Why did he do all the things he did?

 

Because he felt something for her, something more than just physical attraction. 

 

That scared Rey. Knowing Ben had feelings for her threatened the carefully crafted shell around her heart. She would tear her walls down for Ben. She would do anything for him. That was scary, to be sure, but there was one thing that scared Rey more than anything in the world.

 

Her feelings for Ben. 

 

That fear had paralyzed her. Blinded her. Made her do things she’d never wanted to do. 

 

She never wanted to hurt Ben. She wanted to keep him at arms length, away from her heart to  _ protect _ him. 

 

She knew she’d only hurt him. Rey wasn’t good enough for Ben Solo, and her actions over the past two years only proved that point. 

 

Before Rey could spiral further into self loathing, a loud burst of knocking rang out across the silence of her room. 

 

She froze. Maybe if she didn’t move, whoever was outside would go away. 

 

“Rey, I know you’re in there.” 

 

It was Finn.

 

“Rey, open the door.”

 

Well, this was going to be fun. 

 

Rey crossed the room, yanking the door open to see a very concerned Finn standing in front of her. 

 

Rey started to cry again. 

 

“Oh, peanut.” Finn came into the room, enveloping her into a warm embrace. 

 

“Finn, I fucked up,” Rey wailed.

 

“Shh, peanut. It’s okay.” Finn rubbed her back gently, steering her to sit on the edge of the bed. 

 

“He’s leaving, Finn,” Rey cried into the soft t-shirt material of Finn’s shoulder. She didn’t need to tell Finn who was leaving, it was clearly evident only one person could get Rey to cry like this. 

 

“Tell me everything, sweetie.”

 

And she did. 

 

She told him about their kiss on New Years, about Ben leaving First Order for her, about her physical attraction to him, about how she started sleeping with Poe to cover up her feelings for Ben. 

 

She told him how Ben found out, that night after Regionals. About their fight at Nationals when she got drunk and came  o nto him. About him retiring after this, leaving her without a partner. 

 

Without Ben. 

 

She told Finn about how she pushed Ben away, to protect herself and him from getting hurt, the inevitable end to their story anyway.

 

Finn stayed silent the whole time, apart from making small noises of comfort anytime Rey’s sobs escalated too high. Finn knew bits and pieces of what happened, he was her best friend after all. 

 

He didn’t know the extent of how badly things had gotten, however. 

 

Once Rey was finished, sat curled on the bed with her head in Finn’s lap, she looked up at him. She expected to see lots of emotions - disappointment, anger, maybe even pity - but instead she was met with a look of love. 

 

“Oh, peanut.” Finn stroked her hair back from her face where it had fallen out of the three bun hairstyle her costume called for. “You really made a mess of things, didn’t you.” A small laugh escaped Finn’s chest. Rey smiled sadly.  _ That would be an understatement. _

 

“I don’t know what to do, Finn,” Rey whispered. “I can’t hurt him again.” 

 

“Then don’t.” Finn argued. “If he wants to move on, then you have to let him go, like he’s doing to you.” Finn leaned over to Rey’s bedside table and uncapped her water bottle. “Drink this,” he commanded. 

 

Rey sat up, sipping gingerly from the bottle, unsure if she could keep anything down the way her stomach rolled with anxiety. 

 

“Rey, I know it might seem like a good idea to tell him all this. Hell, the hopeless romantic in me wants you too,” Finn paused, searching for the right words. “But it seems like Ben really wants to move on.” 

 

Rey nodded. “I know, but I feel like there’s so much left unsaid. So much he doesn’t know. Doesn’t he deserve the truth?” Rey questioned. 

 

“He does. Well, did. At one point, sure you should have told him. But, Rey I think that moment has passed,” Finn sighed sadly. 

 

“But isn’t it nice to hear someone loves you?” Rey whispered meekly. She needed Finn’s approval if she was going to open this can of worms, and not finding that he was on her side was a shock to Rey. 

 

Finn sighed. “Don’t be a Rachel.” He grabbed the water from Rey’s hands and moved off the bed to fill it in the sink. 

 

“A what?” Rey called back.

 

“A Rachel. Like, from  _ Friends _ ? You know when Rachel goes to England to tell Ross she still loves him even though he’s moved on and is marrying Emily and messes everything up?” Of course, Finn would find some way to bring  _ Friends _ into this. Why was she even that surprised? 

 

“Oh, yes. I remember.” Rey was painfully familiar with every episode of the show, thanks to him. 

 

“My point,” Finn began, returning to the bed by Rey, “is that you don’t want to be like her. Don’t mess up Ben’s life by telling him something that will only hurt him.” Finn gently tried to reason Rey out of this. 

 

He hoped he did a better job than Phoebe did. 

  
  


**February 15th, 2018. Gangneung Ice Arena. Pyeongchang County, Gangwon Province, South Korea.**

 

This time, when Rey entered Ben’s holding room two hours before their skate to ask him to help zip up her costume, she was mostly prepared.

 

Her talk with Finn last night had helped tremendously and Rey felt like she could actually breathe today.

 

She was going to accept Ben’s decision. She was going to be happy for him. She was going to enjoy her final skate with Ben today, and maybe even win an Olympic medal. 

 

She was not going to hurt Ben again by bringing up things that she shouldn’t.

 

If Ben wanted to move on, that was his choice. Rey wouldn’t stand in his way, no matter her feelings. 

 

_ “I think I love him, Finn,” Rey whispered.  _

 

_ “I know, Peanut. I know.” _

 

When she entered his holding room, Rey’s well thought out plan almost went to shit. 

 

“Rey,” Ben gasped, standing up from where he had been sitting on the bench. The lower half of his body clad in his costume, the upper half exposed to the cool air of the rink. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

 

“I needed help zipping my costume,” Rey squeaked. In every iteration of this conversation she mentally walked through, she had not taken into account Ben being shirtless.  

 

Ben nodded. “Of course.” 

 

She turned around, dropping the robe to expose her costumed back and the zipper that she couldn’t reach, conveniently hiding the blush that rose on her face.

 

This was ridiculous. They were adults. She had seen him shirtless before.  _ Get it together, Rey. _

 

Ben slowly zipped her up as Rey savored their closeness. 

 

Once finished, he rested his hand on her shoulder and with a sigh simply said her name. 

 

“Rey.”

 

She turned to face him, his hand coming down from her shoulder at her motion. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Ben began. He was radiating anxiety, his left eye twitching and his fists clenching by his sides. Rey stared into his eyes the whole time, trying not to get lost in the swirling depths.  “About yesterday, I mean. I was a dick after the skate, Rey. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have given you space,” he ran a hand through his hair, another nervous, endearing gesture. “I didn’t want you to find out like that. I was going to wait until after we won to tell you. I feel horrible about the timing, and about how I told you and-”

 

“Ben, stop. I should be apologizing to you.” She placed a hand lightly on his exposed chest, feeling the heat of his body and moving closer to it, like a moth to a flame. “I was a rubbish partner to you. I should have been happy for you, and instead I was selfish and made it all about me.” Rey paused, taking a deep breath. She had practiced this next bit with Finn, and wanted to make sure she got it right. “I’m so happy for you. You had an amazing career, and I’m proud to have called you my partner. You deserve to retire at the top, and I’d like to go win a gold medal with you, if you’ll accept this apology.”

 

Ben face fell with each word she spoke. 

 

“That’s it?” he asked. 

 

_ No, that’s not it. I love you, but I won’t hurt you again. _

 

Rey nodded. 

 

Ben pulled back, gave her a sharp nod and gulped, “Okay.”

 

“Okay?” Rey breathed a sigh of relief. 

 

“Okay,” Ben agreed. 

 

“Let’s go win a gold.” Rey squeezed Ben’s hand. 

 

As she exited his room, Rey still felt an uneasiness within her. Ben had accepted her apology, so why did she still feel like something was wrong?


	13. Fearless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben learn the outcome of their fate at the Olympics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. Okay. Couple of things: 
> 
> I was totally blown away by the response of last chapter. Thank you all so much for commenting and sharing your thoughts, feelings and ideas with me! I truly valued each and every one of them. 
> 
> Y’all CAME AT Finn tho. Boy is just trying his hardest to be a good friend and some of you were so mad at him! In Finn’s defense, he doesn’t know that Ben is in love with Rey, and from his point of view, Ben is leaving. It seemed, to Finn at least, that Ben had made his decision, and that’s why he gives Rey the advice he did. 
> 
> ANYWAY. Moving on. Couple of things to note before we head into this chapter:
> 
> Rey and Ben skate their long program to The Love Theme, composed by Leonard Bernstein and featured in the movie On The Waterfront. I reference it this chapter but I don’t think I’ve come out and officially said it, so there you go. 
> 
> Technical terms this chapter: 
> 
> Techie- a term used to refer to anyone who works on the technical/backstage side of a production, be it theater, television, etc. 
> 
> Star lift- The man has one hand on his partner's hip and the other clasping her hand. He raises her until she is horizontal with her free hand on his shoulder. The air position for this lift is a leg variation with her legs spread in a scissor position as if they were the points on a star, which is where the lift gets its name. The difficulty can be increased by letting go of the hand, creating one point of contact instead of two. 
> 
> Arabesque- A ballet move in which the body is supported on one leg, with the other leg extended horizontally backward. The deeper the curve and extension of the limbs, the better. In ice skating, this move is often done by the woman while the man pulls or deepens her extension somehow. 
> 
> Pair Camel Spin- a camel spin occurs when one legs is spinning on the ice and the other is extended backwards with the knee above hip level, parallel to the ice. In pairs, to gain momentum and speed, partners will enter a camel spin a grasp the other’s leg, throwing their body weight forward to propel them like a fan. 
> 
> Layback Sit Spin- A layback sit spin is an upright figure skating spin in which the head and shoulders are dropped backwards and the back arched downwards toward the ice. This can be done in a sitting position to increase difficult. The skater can also grab their back foot, increasing the difficulty even more. 
> 
> And finally, all the love to my beta [fabradicalfem](https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/)!

**February 15th, 2018. Gangneung Ice Arena. Pyeongchang County, Gangwon Province, South Korea.**

 

_ “Well, Tara, it seems like Hux and Phasma are well positioned for a medal today. The question is, which one!”  _

 

_ “And who will be up there with them.”  _

 

_ “Still to skate are the pair Snap Wexley and Bazine Nedal, the favorites to win gold today.”  _

 

_ “And don’t count out Ben Solo and Rey Johnson to sneak up on that podium too, Johnny.”  _

 

_ “Absolutely, Tara, but they need to heat up whatever lukewarm performance they fed us yesterday if they want to medal.”  _

 

They had it down to a science, by this point.

 

Ben would throw up about fifteen minutes before they skated, giving him enough time to brush his teeth and still meet her in the waiting area with ten minutes to spare. Luke and Leia would be there, waiting with comforting smiles and cups of hot cocoa, giving them small pep talks approaching the five minute mark until they left to go find their seats. 

 

“You know what I think would be wonderful?” Leia began, coming up behind Ben on his right side with Luke on his left, in between where Rey and Ben stood. “If you would go out there today and skate for these people the way I have seen you skate.” She motioned for Ben to lean down, giving him a soft kiss on his cheek and doing the same for Rey. Her presence, where others would find intimidating, was comforting to both Rey and Ben. She always knew just what to say, a talent that Rey could only dream of one day learning. Today was no exception. 

 

“Good luck my dears. I love you both. Be fearless.” Leia exited the holding area, walking toward the seats where all of the Resistance sat. 

 

Luke sighed. “Have fun. Enjoy this moment.” He looked between the two, both staring at him with pleading wide eyes trying to keep him from leaving them alone. “Enjoy each other.” He gave their shoulders a squeeze, and with a nod took after Leia. 

 

At three minutes, Rey or Ben would try to break the tension with a small joke or jab at their competitors until their scores were read. 

 

“ _ Wonderful showing by the pair of Wexley and Nedal today, Tara. Truly an iconic performance.” _

 

_ “Oh absolutely Johnny, and their scores really reflect the precision and dedication to their craft that these two have put into their practices and now their performance.”  _

 

_ “It’ll be a huge hurdle to jump for anyone looking to get first place, Tara, and to be honest I don’t think anyone can do it.” _

 

_ “If a pair can, it’ll be Ben Solo and Rey Johnson, skating next when we return after this short break.”  _

 

Rey waited. 

 

She waited for the joke. 

 

She waited for the jab at Snap and Bazine.

 

She waited for Ben to say something. To say anything. 

 

He didn’t.

 

She finally glanced over at him, tearing her gaze away from the large projection screen that flashed Snap and Bazine’s scores. 

 

He was looking at her with such sadness, such hesitation, such regret in his eyes, yet he had a small smile on his face. It was almost too much for Rey to take. 

 

“What do you say, Ice Princess. One last time?” 

 

_ One last time. _

 

This was it. Their last chance. Their last skate. Their last moment. 

 

Because he was leaving. Because he felt like he had to let her go. Because she loved him and didn’t tell him and now it was too late. 

 

Because she had let fear drive them apart. 

 

She felt it again, that same fear. The fear of losing him, of losing the Olympics, of losing everything she had worked and fought so hard and so long for. The fear, most of all, of hurting Ben again by bringing all this up  _ now. _ It was all consuming, an icy tension that seized her body and made her feel sick. She inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with the cold air of the rink instead of the terror threatening to breach her vital organs. 

 

Rey had never considered herself to be a fearful person. On the contrary, Rey had displayed an impressive amount of bravery all her life. She wasn’t afraid of Plutt. She wasn’t afraid of leaving England. She wasn’t afraid of skating in front of millions of people. She even got sorted into Gryffindor, for crying out loud. So why was this any different? Why had she let fear take over her life? 

 

More importantly, would she  _ still _ let it consume her? 

 

“ _ Be fearless _ .”

 

Not today. Not this time.

 

She was going to be fearless. 

 

“Ben, wait.” Rey reached out, grabbing his arm to bring him back to look at her as he pulled away. She heard the panic in her own voice, but it wasn’t because she was afraid of telling him, she realized. It was because they only had two minutes left and she  _ had  _ to say it. 

 

“You okay?”

 

“Ben, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She brought her hands up to cup his face, his beautiful, confused face. 

 

“Rey, why are you-”

 

“One minute! This is your one minute call,” the techie chimed, running past them as the headset around his neck almost fell off from bumping against Rey. She was jostled, almost falling over if not for Ben and his solid, strong arms moving to keep her up. She latched onto him in return. 

 

“Ben, we’re doing it. The Skywalker.” Her grip on Ben’s arm was surely going to bruise. 

 

“What? Rey, are you sure?” She could hear the concern and confusion in his voice. 

 

“I’m sure, Ben. We have to do it, it’s the only way we’ll beat them and I want to do it, Ben. I know you’ll catch me,” she said with a small laugh. Rey was breathless, she was rushing, surely sounding like a crazy person but she didn’t care. “I trust you, and I want to win this gold with you. You deserve it. You deserve so much, Ben, so much more than I can ever give you. I can never ever make it up to you, but let me try, please. Let’s do it and win the gold, Ben.” 

 

Rey was sobbing and babbling, not making any sense but Ben was still holding onto her for dear life so it couldn’t have been that bad. 

 

“Why, Rey?” Ben asked. “Why now?” He was surely bruising with how hard he was holding her, but the pressure grounded Rey and felt  _ good. _ “What made you change your mind?”

 

She had to say it. He was looking at her with such desperation in his eyes, like it was the only thing he ever wanted to hear. Like he knew what she was about to say, but still needed it out there, needed to hear it in a way she couldn’t take back.

 

She needed to be brave, needed to trust that no matter what, Ben was her partner and they’d make it work. She wasn’t doing it so that he would say it back (although that would be an added perk to be honest). She was doing it to be brave. She was doing it because Ben was leaving her anyway, so what was the worst that could happen? She was doing it because he was basically begging her to say it, so that she was the one putting herself out there. She was doing it because he needed the upper hand for once in their relationship, needed to have the power to crush her or make her whole.

 

She was doing it because  _ she loved him _ .

 

“I realized I had been so afraid. I was so scared of losing you that I pushed you away which is the exact opposite of what I want, Ben. I want you. I want you and I love you and I’m not afraid anymore.” Tears were streaming down her face, her cheeks deep red with a flush of adrenaline and embarrassment from the moment. “I’m sorry it took me so long, I’m sorry I’m saying it  _ now _ , I’m sorry for everything. I love you, Ben.”

 

She had been locked onto Ben’s eyes this entire time, finding comfort in the warmth of his gaze but as the words left Rey’s mouth a new heat erupted in them, the swirling chocolate and amber orbs now like molten lava, burning away any residual fear she might have felt.

 

Ben raised his hand, cupping Rey’s face and running his finger across her cheek where the tears ran down from her eyes, wiping them away with his thumb. He traced it down and across the surface of her cheek toward her lips, which were open to help Rey  _ breathe _ because she was having trouble executing normal bodily functions at this point. 

 

He was about to crest the skin of her lips when that mother fucking techie came back and yelled, “You’re on! Get on the ice!” 

 

Grabbing Ben’s hand, Rey pulled him onto the ice before they could be verbally chastised again, taking their places for the start of the long program that would decide their fate.

 

———————

 

Ben took his position to begin the routine, kneeling in front of Rey in the pleading gesture that began their program. 

 

Ben had been dreading this, if he was being perfectly honest. 

 

This routine killed him every time they skated it. 

 

Their long program was always a point of conflict between Rey and Ben. Rey, the ever hopeful, romantic optimist, thought their characters ended the story together. Ben, ever the cynical pessimist, never saw this. There had been too much hurt and emotion portrayed through the performance for him to ever think the characters could find their way back to each other at the end of the story. 

 

_ “You’re such a pessimist, Ben,” Rey said with a sigh. They had just gotten done with practice and were in the locker room of Resistance late one night.  _

 

_ “It’s not pessimistic if its the truth,” Ben grumbled.  _

 

_ “Well it’s not the truth either. I don’t see how you can think that after everything these characters have been through, they don’t find a way to make it work. What’s the point of all the pain then, if not to end up together?” Rey punctuated every sentence by unlacing her skates, hook by hook at each point in her argument.  _

 

_ “Sometimes pain doesn’t have a point, Rey. Sometimes things just hurt because they do, and you have to deal with it.” Ben wanted to end this conversation quickly. He hated when they talked about this, it hit too close to home for his liking.  _

 

_ “That’s an awfully lonely outlook on romance, Ben.” Her tone was playful, but her eyes betrayed something else that Ben couldn’t quite place - maybe pity?  _

 

_ He didn’t respond, just packed away his equipment after cleaning them off. He was zipping up his bag, about to head to the bathroom to shower when he heard her. _

 

_ “How do you want the story to end, Ben?” Her voice was quiet, almost as if she didn’t dare ask it louder for fear of breaking this moment.  _

 

_ With you in my arms, he almost said. He couldn’t, though. So instead he deflected, a skill Ben had expertise in. “I don’t know, Rey. But when I figure it out, I’ll let you know.” _

 

How wrong he had been to dread this day. 

 

Ben was  _ alive _ . 

 

Rey wanted him. 

 

Rey loved him.

 

He kept replaying it over and over in his head until the first notes of their song began, and even then he heard her chant “ _ I love you _ ” during the program over the cheers of the crowd, the notes of the music and the slap of his blade against the ice. His muscle memory took over, allowing the routine to flow freely over his body as he focused on Rey, his love for her and her love for him in return. 

 

He held her close, letting the orchestration and music that Leonard Bernstein wrote fill the air around and through them. He poured his heart out into this performance with Rey, because as much as he thinks she knows he loves her back, he didn’t actually get to say it. He was too shocked and there wasn’t enough time. 

 

Instead of saying it, he skates it. 

 

Ben knew, without a doubt, he loved Rey. Had for quite some time, longer than was probably normal to be pining after someone. 

 

Ben need Rey to understand that she was wanted, that she was his whole world and that it killed him to even think about leaving. He had to make sure she knew he loved her.

 

As the program flowed out of their first jump sequence (landed perfectly, by the way) Ben finally got to wrap his arm around Rey’s waist in a tight embrace and brought her into a star lift, never wanting to let her go. As she descended from the lift, gracefully slinking down Ben’s body and skating away like a coy cat in their program’s game of predator vs prey, she caressed his cheek. Her hands were cold as ice, but they lit a flame across Ben’s face. 

 

She’d never done that before. 

 

When it was time for the more dancey bit of their program, Ben allowed his whole body to be flush against her back, holding her so very close and feeling every curve of her back, hips and ass against him. Their dance sequence played out, the twists of their footwork and trajectory making swirling patterns in the ice like an infinity symbol. As he turned Rey out into an assisted arabesque, pulling her body taunt and curving her spine so dramatically he could see every rib protruding from her flat stomach, he wrapped his hands around them, covering them, protecting them. His whole hand easily covered three ribs, her small waist even smaller in his grasp. He ran his hands up toward her bust, his thumbs grazing against the outer curve of her breasts. 

 

He’d never done that before. 

 

As they entered their pair camel spin, Rey’s grip on his upper thigh was  _ tight _ , almost to the point of bruising. They circled each other, holding the other’s leg like a life vest in the middle of the Atlantic, spinning around and around almost throwing Ben’s spot point off. Just as they exited the spin, her hand came up to brush his half hard dick, and he glanced at her face to see a spark in her eye and her lower lip caught in her teeth. 

 

She’d never done  _ that _ before. 

 

During their layback sit spin, as Ben held Rey while her back arched and she grabbed the blade of her extended skate, he kissed the exposed skin of her collarbone. She tasted divine, slightly salty from the sweat of exertion at their program, but sweet like hot chocolate mixed with an underlying flowery taste. Her breath hitched in her chest, and Ben lightly bit down as she dropped her foot and wrapped her arms around him, giving his hair a light tug before pulling away into their next jump sequence. 

 

He’d never done  _ that  _ before. 

 

All too quickly, it was time for the Skywalker. 

 

With the pounding of his blood in his ears echoing the drum beat of the music, Ben took a meditative breath. A wave of apprehension and fear, not unlike the feeling before cresting over the edge of a rollercoaster, washed over him. He needed to calm his breathing and focus on Rey. 

 

As Rey skated backwards ready to drop into the bounce spin, he was prepared to see the same apprehension, fear or trepidation in her eyes that normally found its place on her face before they always tried to execute this move. 

 

This time, Ben found none. 

 

As he held her extended foot up, ready to brace for her weight as she dropped and he grabbed her other ankle, they locked eyes and Ben saw it.

 

Ben saw her trust. Her bravery. Her love. 

 

He winked back, a move he learned from Han whenever Leia was nervous or needed comfort, and pushed all his might into giving Rey enough momentum to fly. 

 

And fly she did. 

 

As she landed the jump spin in Ben’s arm, the crowd erupted. Fueled even more by their applause, the final elements of their program flew by and soon enough Ben and Rey skated to a halt, intertwined and chests heaving. 

 

Ben looked down to where Rey was laid on her back across his outstretched thigh, her smile infectious. He knew as well as she did that they killed it, but that wasn’t why he was smiling back at her (okay, that wasn’t the  _ only _ reason he was smiling. Suck it, Hux.)  To see her looking at him like that, to know he was the cause of her smile, of her joy, was more important to him in this moment than a gold medal ever could be. All he wanted to do was make Rey happy. 

 

“Rey,” he paused. He brought his hand up to cup her face again, this time without the worry of a techie interrupting them. He felt Rey almost purr underneath him, leaning into his caress as he tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear that had fallen out of her buns. The arena was deafening with the cheers of the crowd, but Rey was the only thing Ben could focus on. “I know.” 

 

Rey’s face scrunched up in adorable confusion. “Know what, Ben?”

 

“I know how I want the story to end.” 

 

And with that, he kissed her. 

 

He kissed her soft at first, a tentative, exploratory heat that sparked into an inferno as she deepened the kiss. He pulled her impossibly closer, crushing her to his chest because he couldn’t get her close enough. 

 

He kissed her breathlessly until they both pulled away because they ran out of oxygen and neither wanted to pass out because if they passed out they couldn’t  _ keep kissing _ . 

 

Resting his forehead against hers, he finally said it back.

 

“I love you, Rey.”

 

“I love you, Ben.” 

 

Their moment was broken by a well aimed teddy bear. 

 

It bounced off Ben’s back, breaking his gaze from Rey to look out at the standing ovation they were receiving. 

 

He helped Rey up, keeping her close to his body as they waved and bowed to the crowd. He was on autopilot, going through the motions as quickly as possible so he could get off the ice and talk to Rey. 

 

Too bad that wasn’t in the cards. 

 

As they exited the ice, hand in hand, they were met with the warmth and smiles of Leia and Luke, pulling them close. 

 

They were jostled about, first getting pushed and pulled towards reporters and news anchors. They next were hurried towards the bench to wait for their scores, all the while being bombarded with congratulations from the other skaters. Throughout all this, Ben never let go of Rey’s hand. 

 

He was beginning to think he never would, actually. 

 

As they sat sandwiched between Luke and Leia, awaiting their scores and their Olympic fate, Ben was hyper-aware of Rey’s body next to his. 

 

To the casual observer, it just looked like they were sitting closely on the small bench. 

 

To Ben, however, he very much could see that Rey had plenty of room on her other side near Luke to scooch over. She was choosing to sit that close to him, their hands still clasped together resting on her thigh and the knowledge that she wanted to be near him, wanted him, loved him, was still was not fully comprehensible to his brain. 

 

Neither was their scores. 

 

“ _ 162.86 for their free skate Tara, that’s a world record!”  _

 

_ “It is, Johnny, and their combined score total is 245.86, moving them squarely into first place.”  _

 

_ “Tara they broke another record, too!” _

 

_ “Oh my gosh, Johnny, you’re right. Ben Solo and Rey Johnson now hold the record for highest combined total scores, as well as their new record for highest free skate score.” _

 

_ “What a day for pairs figuring skating, Tara! And what a day for Ben and Rey, I can’t believe this.”  _

 

Truer words were never spoken, Johnny. 

 

The press room was on fire. After they were read their scores and hugged even tighter by Luke and Leia, they made their way toward the press room. They would do interviews tonight and then the medal ceremony would be tomorrow morning, giving Ben enough time to hopefully come back down to Earth and  _ focus _ . 

 

He and Rey still had a lot to discuss. 

 

Leia seemed to notice this, or at least was clued into the fact that  _ her son and his skating partner kissed on the ice in front of millions of people and have not stopped holding hands and isn’t this an interesting development.  _ Leia watched as Ben and Rey floundered to answer question after question about their kiss, their relationship, their future.

 

“Ben! Rey! Over here!”

 

“How are you two going to celebrate your gold medal?”

 

“How long have you been a couple?”

 

“Was the kiss planned?”

 

“Is Rey pregnant?”

 

“When’s the wedding?”

 

“Why keep your relationship a secret?”

 

A cacophony of questions bombarded them, each more ridiculous and personal than the next. Rey and Ben barely had time to think of a response before the next was hurled at them. They couldn’t get a word in, and the press room buzzed with a frantic energy the longer they stayed. Leia needed to extract them right now, or one of them was going to say something stupid (probably Ben, if Leia had to guess.)

 

“I will handle the press. You two need some time,” she said with a knowing look to them both. 

 

God bless Leia. 

 

So here they were, hand in hand exiting the back of the rink through the service entrance to hopefully sneak their way into the hotel next door where they could finally breathe and talk and just be together.

 

No pressure there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you the angst had to end at some point (:


	14. consomme moi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns how long Ben has loved her. 
> 
> Ben learns that Rey loves pomegranates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, love to my beta [fabradicalfem](https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Interesting, the tags seem to have updated...

**February 16th, 2018. Hotel Naboo. Pyeongchang County, Gangwon Province, South Korea.**

 

When they reached the door to the hotel room, Rey released a breath she didn’t know she had been holding in. 

 

How Leia managed to get them a hotel room in the span of the five minute walk from the rink to here, Rey didn’t know. She also didn’t know the proper response to the cryptic text from Leia they just received. 

 

_ New message: From Leia _

 

_ Ceremony at noon tomorrow. Plenty of time. Press is being dealt with. Enjoy. Love, Leia.  _

 

Plenty of time for what? Press is being dealt with how? Enjoy  _ what _ ? 

 

Rey chose not to focus on that. 

 

Instead, Rey was focusing on the heat from Ben’s hand that was pressed into the small of her back, guiding her through the opened door of the hotel room and inside it. 

 

She heard Ben shut the door softly behind her, the light  _ click _ of the automatic lock causing Rey to jump slightly. 

 

She was a little tense.

 

There was  _ so much _ . So much shit that her and Ben had to wade through, so much pain and joy and anger and confusion. It was a daunting task, one that seemed insurmountable despite their shared love for one another. It hung in the air around them, almost suffocating in its presence, both knowing they couldn’t get any further without facing it, but neither wanting to start. 

 

Continuing her new quest to be fearless, Rey sat on the bed and opened her mouth, about to begin the conversation when Ben cut her off. 

 

“Are you hungry?” He asked with a knowing smile. 

 

Of course she was hungry, she’s always fucking hungry, and Ben knew this because he knew her better than she knew herself. 

 

“Always,” she sighed in relief. 

 

Ben went for the phone on the bedside table next to the  _ one _ king sized bed in the room, a fact that Rey was trying very hard to ignore, considering who it was that got them the room. As he called for room service, Rey got up, shedding her shoes and jacket, placing them in the far corner of the room next to the leather couch and glass coffee table. Her bag was dumped there too, filled with her skates, workout gear, a change of clothes and shower supplies. Normally she liked to shower right after they skated, but there wasn’t enough time with the craziness of the night and Rey just realized they were both still in their costumes. 

 

The room was impressive, a sleek and modern design with classic Asian elements, a water feature against the door to the bathroom, and a gorgeous view of the city from the giant glass windows at the opposite end of the room. The bed was raised on a small platform, and the black and red sheets shined in the low light from the floor lights. It dawned on Rey that they hadn’t bothered to turn any other lights on, comfortable in the dimly lit space. 

 

Turning on the lights felt too harsh, and Rey wanted to live in this softness for as long as possible. 

 

“Hi, I’d like to order room service. One of everything on your late night menu, please,” Ben spoke softly into the phone. Everything about this night felt serene and tranquil, yet intense and heavy. Rey chuckled at the absurdity of it all. The sheer fact that they were in a hotel room the night after skating for a gold medal at the Olympics, about to gorge themselves on an insane amount of room service, trying so hard to pretend this was casual and normal and not at all weird in any way was  _ almost _ too much. It was surreal, for sure, but Rey wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

“Should be up in about 20 minutes. I guess we’re the only ones ordering this late at night. Or, this early in the morning I guess.” Ben sat on the bed next to her, gingerly pressing his weight onto the plush mattress. 

 

“What time is it?” Rey questioned. She had no concept of time, no cares or concerns or thoughts about anything outside of this world her and Ben created in this room. 

 

“You don’t want to know.” A small smile played across Ben’s lips. She glanced back at the bedside table, reading the read lights of the clock.

 

“Holy shit, it’s one in the morning?” Rey laughed. “I don’t feel tired at all.” She really didn’t. She was buzzing with energy, her senses heightened and her heartbeat a little quicker than normal. 

 

“It’s the adrenaline,” Ben replied. 

 

“And the shock,” Rey hummed in agreement. 

 

They were seated on the bed, too far apart for Rey’s liking, a strange silence settling over them. Stick straight posture, eyes trying hard not to glance at the other for too long, a nervous, tense energy filling the air. Ben couldn’t order food again, Rey couldn’t putter about the room to delay any longer. 

 

It was time to face the music. Time to actually talk for once. 

 

“Do you know how long I’ve loved you?” Ben tentatively asked. She could feel the nervousness in his voice, as if he wanted to avoid this conversation as much as Rey had but couldn’t any longer. He turned to look at her, his eyes searching Rey’s for something. She shook her head no, both in an answer to his question and an internal plea  _ no, please, I’m not sure I can take it.  _

 

“I think since I met you,” his declaration a laugh that escaped his lips, one dripping in self loathing and disbelief. “I did a poor job of showing it, but it’s true.” 

 

Rey swallowed, her throat somehow drying up as all the water in her body rushed to prick the corners of her eyes. 

 

“If anyone did a poor job of showing it, it was me.” Her voice cracked, and Ben moved closer to her to comfort her, one hand coming to rub small circles into her back. 

 

“Rey, it’s okay, I-”

 

“No, Ben. It’s not okay. Stop that!” She jumped off the bed, turning to look at him with a fiery glare. 

 

“I’m not perfect, Ben. Far from it, actually. I did horrible things to you, to Poe, to lots of people all because I was selfish and scared and couldn’t face my feelings. You need to realize that and let yourself be mad at me!” This was never going to work if Ben always had Rey on a pedestal. He needed to let himself feel. Let himself forgive. “Stop trying to downplay how much I hurt you. Stop trying to make me feel better. You need to be mad at me so we can work on it. So you can forgive me and we can move on. Otherwise this won’t work.” Rey’s arms were wrapped tight around her, her voice small and whiney and surely pathetic by the end. 

 

Ben got up from the bed, pulling Rey’s arms apart and running his hands up and down their lengths.

 

“I was mad, Rey. I was fucking furious. I broke all the plates in my kitchen the night I found out about you and Poe,” he spoke softly, not wanting to spook her, which was for the best because Rey didn’t know if she wanted to run away or hit him or hold him. 

 

“I’m just not letting my anger control me anymore, Rey. Because I’ve let it before, and I won’t do that again. Not with you.” His words were calming her, his tone a soothing balm to the feverish emotions coursing through her. “Did you hurt me? Yes. Was I angrier than I’ve ever been? Completely. I’m not trying to deny those feelings Rey. I’m just trying to move on from them.” He brought his hands up to cup her face, to lock her vision with his. “I forgave you a long time ago, Rey.”

 

He could surely see the tears in her eyes, streaming down the sides of her face into the creases where he held her so delicately in his hands.

 

“Why?” Rey whispered. “I don’t deserve it.”

 

Ben’s face hardened, his grip on her cheeks tightened. “Now you stop. You’re beating yourself up too harshly, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of her head, forehead coming to rest against hers. “As much as you hurt me, you make me happier than I’ve ever been. That’s why I forgave you.” 

 

Rey’s sobs grew, and Ben held her as she got it all out. She cried away the hurt, the guilt, everything she felt until all that was left was the feeling of her in Ben’s arms, rocking slowly to his humming in the darkness of the night. 

 

His arms were solid around her, Rey’s face tucked into the curve of his chest as the pressure from his embrace helped steady her. She didn’t recognize the tune he hummed into the top of her head, just knew that she never wanted him to stop humming it. He had a dark, rich tone to his voice that set off fireworks down each vertebrae of Rey’s spine. 

 

She lifted her head from its place on his chest, her movement causing Ben to stop and look down at her. 

 

“Why did you stop?” Rey asked, her voice throaty and low from her tears. 

 

“So I could do this,” he whispered against her lips before leaning down and merging them with her own. 

 

Rey could have kissed Ben all night. His lips were warm, his hands and arms a firm cage that made Rey feel safe instead of threatened. His hair,  _ God his hair _ , soft and silky and tangled in Rey’s fingers as she deepened the kiss, pulling him flush against her body. 

 

That is, until the food arrived. 

 

The knock on the door caused Rey and Ben to jump apart quickly, like they were two teenagers just caught making out by a scolding parent. 

 

Rey heard Ben chuckle something under his breath as he went to open the door for the parade of food carts lining the hallway. The spread was impressive, and Rey was almost overwhelmed at how much food Ben had ordered for them. 

 

This wasn’t your average late night spread- no nachos, no BBQ wings, no fried food to soak up gallons of alcohol with. The only relatively “normal” thing Rey recognized were the french fries, but even then they were truffle fries, a delicacy Rey had only eaten once before and loved. Sure, Rey had an income, a steady supply of food, but old habits die hard and this all seemed far too fancy for her usual palette of PB&J, ramen and grilled chicken. 

 

There were goat cheese stuffed figs, saffron and chili glazed asparagus, truffle fries with an avocado ranch dipping sauce, raw oysters, salmon sushi, pomegranate and honey chocolate tarts, ginseng tea, two bottles of red wine and a  _ fucking mini chocolate fountain _ . Strawberries, bananas, apples and pretzel sticks surrounded the small fountain that gushed a continuous stream of melted chocolate. 

 

Once the door was shut and the three carts were loaded into their hotel room, Ben began to uncork the wine bottle. “Would you like a glass, Rey?”

 

Tearing her eyes from the chocolate fountain, a hard feat given how hungry she realized she was, she nodded in response. 

 

“Is this okay?” Ben poured the wine into two glasses. “If you don’t like anything I can order you something else.” Always the gentleman, always misconstruing Rey’s silence for disapproval when in fact she was in awe. 

 

“It’s perfect. I’m so hungry, I just realized,” she laughed. The carts had been brought over near the couch, and Rey began to help Ben spread the food out onto the coffee table in front of it, before they dug in. 

 

———————-

 

“Have you ever had oysters, Rey?” 

 

They were halfway through the feast, Ben sitting down on the couch right next to Rey, one arm slung casually across the back of the couch and the other holding an oyster. She really wanted to pay attention to the way the light played across the angles of his face; to the warmth she felt against her right side from where he sat so close to her; to the way he seemed so relaxed and at ease, a far cry from his usual brooding aura. She really wanted to focus on Ben, but the taste of the pomegranate tart had all her attention at the moment. 

 

“Hmm?” she hummed, mouth full of warm chocolate and juicy pomegranates as she turned her head to look at Ben. 

 

He laughed, a bright and full sound that Rey hadn’t heard in a long time. “Hold still.” He swiped his thumb against the corner of her mouth, capturing a smear of chocolate. 

 

Rey thought back to that moment, all those months ago, at dinner when he did a similar trick with spaghetti sauce after she had teased him. Here, there was no one to break the moment, no one to call them out on their heated gazes, lingering touches and eyes that called out in longing. There was just Ben, Rey and a mountain of food. 

 

That spark of heat she always felt with Ben flared up again, never really having dimmed too much but stoked nevertheless from the food and the atmosphere and Ben’s hand still on Rey’s cheek. 

 

She turned her head slowly, parting her lips as she licked the chocolate off Ben’s thumb with her tongue, sucking the digit into her mouth. 

 

His gaze darkened, his breath hitched and Rey was confused when he pulled away. 

 

That confusion died when he brought a large strawberry dipped in chocolate to her lips, his free hand coming to rest on her thigh in a tight grip that said  _ don’t you dare move. _

 

She opened for him, wrapping her lips around the fruit and biting down, slurping the juice and melted chocolate that threatened to drip down her chin. 

 

The grip on her thigh tightened and Ben let out a  _ growl _ in the back of his throat. “Rey,” he warned. 

 

Swallowing the bite of strawberry, she leaned towards the table and grabbed a fresh one, coating it in a layer of melted chocolate like Ben did. 

 

She brought it to his mouth, raising her right eyebrow in a challenge. 

 

Ben’s lips covered the strawberry, his mouth large enough to fit the entirety of it inside save for the stem where Rey held it. The force of his bite puckering his lips, making them even more plush and kissable and staining them in the deep red juice of the strawberry. 

 

She threw the stem onto her plate, eyes never leaving Ben’s mouth as his tongue came out to lick away the traces of their sinful dessert. 

 

Upping the challenge, Ben scooped some chocolate from his plate where a pile of covered fruit rested, waiting to be eaten, bringing it up to the opening of her lips. The tip of his index finger was coated in the melted substance, Rey knew instantly that she wanted it in her mouth.

 

She sucked down the chocolate, swirling her tongue around the digit cleaning it fully. Her cheeks hollowed, and before she could take his finger any further down her throat, Ben tore his hand away and pulled her to her feet. 

 

His lips crashed onto hers, his tongue exploring every surface of her opened mouth as he guided them to the bed. 

 

They didn’t make it far before she felt the press of his kisses into her neck, light nips of Ben’s teeth against her smooth skin making Rey dizzy. They were still in the middle of the room when he broke away slightly, only for a moment, his hands wrapping around her to paw at the zipper on her back, forcing it down so he could expose the bare skin of her back to the cool air of the hotel room, making her shiver. Once his task was completed he went back to peppering her shoulders, neck and collarbone with kisses.

 

“Ben,” she moaned, her own hands now tugging at the back of his shirt, trying to get him to take the fucking thing off already. His costume was way less complicated than hers, shouldn’t he be the one to get naked first?

 

“Patience,” he murmured into her collarbone before sucking a bruising mark onto her skin. 

 

She cried out, the pleasure pain sending sparks straight to her core. Her nails raked across the planes of his back, surely drawing blood, at the very least leaving bright red marks in their wake. 

 

Rey and Ben fought for dominance on the ice, so it’s no surprise they’d continue that fight to the bedroom. WIth every victory - Rey finally getting Ben’s shirt off, for one - came an inevitable defeat - the sounds Rey made as he mouthed her breast through the thin material of her costume was positively mortifying. 

 

Their battle brought them across the room fully, a trail of clothing behind them the only evidence of their fight. Rey felt the lip of the platform against her feet, stepping up onto it and getting almost level with Ben’s height. Her hands raked through Ben’s hair as his own hands roamed across the light curves of her hips, down and back to cup her ass. He lifted her, crushing her against his waist, using the leverage from the platform Rey was on to push her back onto the top of the mattress. 

 

Ben broke away, leaning at an angle above her as she lay on the bed, his chest heaving. He looked debauched already, hair wild from Rey’s hands, eyes dark with desire, red lips slightly swollen from the force of their kisses, skin flushed and slightly bruised from her attacks. Rey was certain she looked just as bad, but the way Ben was looking at her burned away any self doubt that threatened to creep up and ruin the moment. 

 

He was clad in only his boxer briefs, Rey herself left only in her panties and strapless bra. The tightness of their costumes left little room for undergarments, something Rey never truly thought about but was glad for in any case. 

 

She felt like a goddess under his gaze, his eyes raking over her every curve, taking in her every blemish and insecurity and burning them away. He reverently traced his hands up her legs, starting from her knees that bent against the edge of the bed, up to her hips. His grip on them was tight, but Rey didn’t mind at all. She liked the pressure, liked the intensity of his hands on her body, loved the feeling of his bruising grip. It reminded Rey she was wanted, that she was loved, that she was bringing  _ this man _ to such desperation for her that all he could do was hold on and never let go. 

 

He leaned over her, tracing his lips against the skin of her neck, over to where it met her shoulder. He kissed her there, tonguing the sensitive flesh as his hands released their grip from her hips and slipped under her, up her back to unhook her bra. 

 

Tossing it to the side, Ben moved his mouth down to her newly exposed breasts. Starting with the right, he kissed his way down to her nipple before swirling his tongue around it. His right hand came up to cup her left breast as he doted on the right with his mouth, sucking and nipping at the pebbled nipple. Rey hands were buried in his hair, pulling on the strands when the pleasure became too much, his signal to switch his attention to the other breast. His mouth now occupying the left breast, Ben’ free hand came to rub light, soothing circles over the inflamed nipple of her right. 

 

“Ben,” Rey groaned when he pinched her nipple, rolling it between his powerful fingers, sending shockwaves through Rey’s entire body. It was so sensitive from his ministrations earlier that the slightest tweak or pinch was all it took. A deep heat was building in her, and she craved something to consume the fire within. 

 

“Ben, I need you inside me. Right now.” She felt him groan into her chest, rolling his forehead against the soft skin of her breast in a tortured way. 

 

“God, I want to.” He kissed his way down across her abs, towards her core. 

 

“Then do it,” Rey breathed out as he ran a finger up her drenched panties, heat and friction finally where she needed it most. 

 

“I can’t,” Ben complained as he kissed her inner thighs. He had knelt in front of the bed, his head level with her dripping pussy. 

 

“Why not,” Rey whined. He licked a strip up her panties, the wetness of his tongue indistinguishable from her own wetness that was positively gushing out of her. 

 

“We don’t have a condom, sweetheart,” Ben murmured as his hands finally hooked into her panties and brought them down off her legs. 

 

“We don’t need one.” Rey shook her head. “I have an IUD. And I’m clean, so if you are too...” 

 

Ben froze, his gaze jumping from her pussy to her eyes, an impressive feat given how entranced he seemed by it, lifting himself slightly to look at her face fully down the length of her body. 

 

“I am. Rey, are you sure?” Ben’s hands moved to her thighs, his thumbs rubbing light circles into her flesh that would be comforting in other moments but now just reminded her of what they were doing and how deeply she wanted him. 

 

“I’m sure, Ben,” Rey smiled. He looked so eager, so hesitant between her legs. She felt slightly giddy that even now he still was concerned about her, about what she wanted and the boundaries he knew she had. “I want to feel you inside me.” 

 

Ben’s eyes widen as he let out a throaty groan. “Thank you,” he whispered into her thighs as he went back to peppering them with kisses. He parted them, his breath ghosting over her wet folds. He kissed her core lightly, reverently, before parting her wet lips with one of his fingers. 

 

Rey threw her head back against the bed. Her entire body had been craving a release, something to break the tightness as she clenched around nothing all night. Ben ran his index finger up and down her slit, exploring her folds and feeling every inch of her. “I’m going to make you come on my fingers Rey,” he said, his voice thick with desire as he added another finger to his exploration, scissoring her lower lips and kissing her clit. “I’m gonna make you fall apart, again and again.”  

 

Ben’s deep, dark tone sent shivers up her spine, adding gasoline to the burning fire in her core. Rey never really liked dirty talk, she found it cringey and forced, but  _ God _ , could she come just from his words alone. 

 

She felt Ben’s hand twist, his finger breach her sopping cunt as he pressed down on her clit with the flat of his tongue. 

 

“So wet, so tight,” he prayed against her clit, finger fucking her and curving his digit to press against the spongy front wall of her vagina. 

 

Rey thrashed, canting her hips upward to take more of him, wanting his mouth, his fingers,  _ all of him _ to consume her.

 

“Ben,” Rey whined. He added a second finger, spreading her and preparing her for his cock.

 

“Are you gonna come for me, sweetheart?” Ben crooned, his tongue finding her clit again and circling it, sucking it into his mouth. His sinful lips adding heat and pressure and softness to the bundle of nerves like she’d never felt before. 

 

Rey’s hands grasped at the duvet, trying to find purchase in the sea of pleasure that washed over her, threatening to bring her under and never let her breath again. She was close, so close, right there -

 

Ben’s free hand, the one not currently pumping in and out of her, coasted up her body to her tits, his thumb flicking one hard nipple and sent Rey right over the edge. 

 

She came with a gasp, back arching off the bed, cunt spasming around Ben’s fingers. He lapped up the wetness that gushed out of her, drinking her down and seeing her through the ripples of pleasure coursing in her body. 

 

“You taste amazing, Rey.” He gave one final kiss to her core. “God, how I’ve wanted to taste you.” 

 

Rey whimpered. She was still tingling from her orgasm, but the heat inside her flared back at Ben’s words and the desire she heard in his voice. 

 

Rey wanted - no needed - to make him feel as good as he had made her. That was one of the best orgasms of her life, and she craved to watch him fall apart beneath her. 

 

She sat up, grabbing Ben’s hair and tugging him up from his place between her legs. Once he stood tall in front of her, Rey was at the perfect height to see him, still sitting on the bed in front of his crotch. 

 

A wet spot of precum darkened the cloth of his boxer briefs, helping to outline his hard dick through his underwear. Rey had felt him against her ass once or twice before during practice (always telling herself it was just a normal bodily reaction and nothing more). He must have always been at half mast or something because he was  _ huge _ . Much bigger and thicker than Rey had ever dreamed, and  _ oh _ how she had dreamed. 

 

A passing thought of  _ will he even fit  _ flashed through her brain before it burned away in the heat of her desire. 

 

He would fit. And he would feel amazing, stretching her and filling her like she never had been before. 

 

She had wanted to take her time, taste him and explore him like he had with her. Use her mouth to slowly remove his underwear, tease him, nibble his thighs as she pumped his length. Make him whine and plead and cum in her mouth. 

 

Her lust overtook her, however. She tore his briefs down his legs, grabbing the base of his dick as it sprang free. She ran her tongue from her hand to his tip, circling it once before taking him in her mouth. He was salty from the precum and so hot in her hand and mouth. 

 

“Rey,” Ben shaked out. 

 

Hm, maybe she had some time to play. 

 

She moaned around him, her hand pumping what she couldn’t fit into her mouth. He kept hitting the back of her throat, making her gag a little around him but the shocks it sent through her body was turning her on. 

 

“Rey,” he moaned. He sounded almost in pain, his hands clenched against nothing beside him. 

 

Rey was really torn. Part of her wanted to suck him dry, stay seated between his legs with him in her mouth for the rest of the night. 

 

Another, much  _ louder _ part of her wanted to ride him, feel his heat and thickness inside her, watch him come undone beneath her as she shattered above him. 

 

Guess which part won out?

 

With an obscene  _ pop _ , Rey released him from her mouth.

 

“I want to ride you, Ben,” Rey uttered huskily, peering up at him from her spot between his legs. 

 

He groaned, nodding his head in a desperate  _ yes _ and brushing the hair from her face. “You’re unreal, baby.” 

 

Unbelievably  _ that’s _ what got Rey to blush. 

 

With a quick kiss to the top of her head, Ben was laid out on the bed next to her. “Come here,” he beckoned, extending a hand to help guide her on top of him. 

 

She straddled his hips, grinding down against his dick to tease him. She braced her hands against the hard pecks of his chest, his own hands coming to press down on her hips, helping to grind her deeper over him. 

 

“Rey.” Ben threw his head back into the plush hotel mattress with a groan. “Baby, ride me.” 

 

Lifting herself up, she used a hand to guide him to her entrance. She was still soaked, both from her earlier orgasm and from the feeling of Ben in her mouth.

 

She eased herself down his length, gasping for breath as he stretched her. Ben’s hands helped to guide her, steadying her as she took him deeper inside her. He bottomed out, filling her completely as she sunk all the way down his cock. 

 

“You took me so well, sweetheart,” Ben crooned to her. With a shuddering breath, Rey felt herself relax around him. He was bigger than anything she had felt before, stretching her and filling her like she never thought possible.

 

She rolled her hips, reveling in the sounds Ben made as she began to ride him. She took deep, long strokes up and down his cock, milking every moan, shudder and curse from Ben’s lips. 

 

She picked up the pace, crying out herself as Ben’s cock hit that spot inside her against her front walls. Ben hands moved up and down her hips, back and ass, caressing her, feeling every inch of her cool skin and leaving trails of heat wherever he touched. 

 

He met her thrust for thrust, sending him deeper inside her. They pleaded with each other, both calling out the other’s name in a cry for more - more heat, more pleasure, more love. 

 

“Ben, please, I’m so close,” she cried. She was standing on the edge of a precipice, about to jump off and float away. She just needed  _ something _ .

 

“I got you, sweetheart,” he groaned. He bent his powerful legs at his knees, chest rising to sit up with Rey still straddling his lap. The angle brought Ben face to face with Rey, foreheads touching, sharing the same breath they were so close. His hands splayed across the tanned skin of her back, gripping tightly for leverage in his own sea of pleasure. His dick hard, still pumping in and out of her, passing against that spot, still edging her towards release. 

 

“Yes,” Rey gasped, nails scratching down his back trying to find purchase. She was even closer now, toes curling at the edge of the cliff, about to leap into the air and fly away. 

 

“Come for me, Rey,” Ben demanded as he brought a hand down to rub small circles into her clit, now easily accessible with their new position. “Come for me, and I’ll come inside you, baby.” 

 

Rey had her share of great orgasms in her life, be it through a different partner or through a toy. Truly mind blowing, full body experiences that left her a gushing mess across her mattress. 

 

Nothing prepared her for this. For the feeling of cumming around Ben, his hard length an anchor for her to pulse around. For the way she milked him, gushed around him, her walls clenching against him in time with his own release. For the look on his face, like a man seeing God, as he came, shooting hot ropes of cum inside her, coating her walls and cooling the fire within.

 

Nothing prepared her for the way he held her, cradled her in his arms once she was spent and satiated. For the way he gently pulled out, kissing her temple when she winced slightly at that feeling. For the way he helped her to her feet when she groggily said “Bathroom.” For the way he guided her back to bed when she was done, curling her against his chest and whispering “I love you,” into her hair. 

 

Nothing in her life prepared her for the feeling of falling asleep in his arms, truly safe and warm and loved for the first time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I satisfied your Smut Cravings. One more chapter!


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben learns that Rey is a morning person.
> 
> Rey learns that Ben is great at surprises.

**February 16th, 2018. Hotel Naboo. Pyeongchang County, Gangwon Province, South Korea.**

 

Ben Solo was never a morning person. He hated waking up, hated the glare of sunlight this early as it almost always set off a small headache. It took at least a full cup of coffee before he could stand to even see another human being, let alone converse with one. 

 

This morning, Ben loved waking up. He loved the feeling of Rey’s cold feet pressed into his legs, the smell of her hair filling his senses as he took his first deep breath upon waking. The sight of her curves, illuminated by the sunlight, that cast her in a soft golden glow, almost angelic in its serenity and peacefulness. The feeling of her plump ass firmly pressed against his morning wood. Even the sounds of her light snoring made Ben crack a smile, something he never did this early. 

 

Ben Solo was  _ maybe _ a morning person. 

 

Leaning over her shoulder, Ben kissed each freckle that peppered her exposed skin. “Rey, sweetheart, it’s time to get up.”

 

She stretched like a cat in the sun, rolling onto her back and gracefully extending her limbs. “Good morning.” A smile lit up her face. “You’re really warm. It’s nice.”

 

Ben chuckled. “Well you’re really cold.”

 

Rey bit her lip. “Maybe you should warm me up.” 

 

Ben Solo was  _ definitely  _ a morning person. 

 

Kissing Rey, he let his hand wander along her exposed body, carefully tweaking her sensitive nipples from the night before. She was naked, soft and pliant under the hotel duvet that Ben ripped off her body to expose her perfect shape, extracting a bright giggle from Rey as he pounced on top of her. 

 

He wrapped his large mass around her, trying to cover every exposed surface of her body with his own.

 

“Is this better,” he asked with a dramatic sigh. 

 

“A little.” Rey’s laugh was the best thing Ben had ever heard. “Although I did have something a little different in mind when I said warm me up.”

 

“Oh really.” Ben smirked. “And what’s that?” 

 

Rey didn’t reply with words. Instead, Ben found himself getting flipped over, the love of his life straddling his hips and smiling down at him from her new perch.

 

With a grind of her hips into his, she smirked. “I was thinking something like this.” 

 

One of the many perks to waking up next to Rey, Ben would find out, was that she was a morning person.

 

A morning person who liked to start her day with some cardio, evidently. 

 

Ben let Rey take the lead, content to simply watch her as she ground against his dick, waking it up fully, coating it in her morning slick. Her nails raked down Ben’s chest, leaving trails of goosebumps in their wake. His skin flushed as she lightly nipped at his abs, pecs and nipples. His large hands stroked against her muscled thighs and ass as she straddled him, helping to raise her slightly so she could adjust his dick to enter her. 

 

She took him in one swift movement, her tits bouncing from the force of it. Ben groaned, feeling her tight warmth around his dick. She was wet and tight and sliding into her felt like coming home. “You feel amazing.”

 

Rey began to ride him, a vision of golden light above him. Ben’s hands ran up and down her body, coaxing moans and gasps out of her. Not even a full day of being together and Ben already knew her, knew where to tease her, knew how she liked it when he kissed here or nibbled there. 

 

It was instinct. Every fiber of Ben’s being drove him to Rey, to her happiness, to her pleasure. 

 

To her love. 

 

Their lovemaking was slow, a steady waterfall of pleasure that bubbled up and threatened to drown Ben. 

 

“Rey.” His voice was a shaky plea, uttered in desperation. He was not going to last much longer, if Rey continued to ride him like this. “Oh, fuck.” 

 

“Ben, love, come inside me. I want to feel you, baby. I need to feel you,” Rey babbled slightly, her cheeks flushed with a brilliant shade of rose while sweat made her skin glisten in the morning light. 

 

Ben moved one of his hands from the death grip around Rey’s hip - he  _ definitely  _ left a bruise - to the cleft of her wet core, rubbing small deep circles into her clit, eliciting a cry from Rey. 

 

“Ben, I’m gonna come. Oh, God.” 

 

“Come with me, sweetheart. Come apart on my dick.” 

 

In this position, Ben saw everything as Rey crested over the edge of her orgasm. Her mouth parted in ecstasy, her eyes locked onto Ben’s but slightly glazed over and out of focus from the pleasure. Her whole body shuddered around him as her orgasm took over, the clench of her hot, wet pussy sending Ben into his own. She milked his dick, the spasms of her own orgasm gushing around Ben’s cock in time with his. 

 

Rey collapsed onto Ben, her head tucked perfectly in the juncture of his neck and shoulder as she regained her breath and her heartbeat evened out. “Thanks for warming me up,” she hummed into his chest. 

 

“Always.” Ben’s arms encircled her, pinning her to his chest when she tried to raise herself up. 

 

“Let go,” she chuckled. “I have to go clean up.” 

 

“You can spare 5 minutes.” Ben nuzzled into her hair. 

 

“You might be able to, but I don’t want a UTI,” Rey reasoned, slipping from Ben’s arms. 

 

“Fair point,” Ben agreed, lounging on the bed as he watched Rey slink to the bathroom, her peachy ass swaying deliciously and giving him a front row view to the Ben sized handprint that marked her right cheek from his bruising grip earlier this morning. 

 

God, Ben loved her ass and the marks he made on it.

 

His dick hardened again. 

 

“Besides, we have to be at the rink soon and I want to shower,” she called from the bathroom. 

 

Ben got up off the bed when he heard the toilet flush and the sink run, knocking on the door. 

 

She coyly open it. “Yes?”

 

“Coincidentally, I have to shower too.” Ben leaned against the bathroom door, his right arm resting on the doorway. 

 

Rey’s eyes ran across the muscles of his arms, down his bare chest to his now erect dick. 

 

“That was fast,” she smirked. 

 

“Have you seen yourself,” Ben replied. He brought a hand up to cup her cheek, a small smile playing across his lip. He wanted Rey to know she did  _ this  _ to him. 

 

Her eyes glittered at the admission. “As tempting as round two sounds, I don’t think we have time,” she said, turning her back on Ben as she walked towards the shower. He was about to relent, to agree with her that they probably really didn’t have time, when she bent over to reach the towels on the bottom shelf of the built-in linen closet. Her tanned globes on full display, looking ripe and round. Ben wanted to sink his teeth in them.

 

Then she turned her head towards him and winked.

 

“We have plenty of time,” Ben growled, before stalking towards her and smacking the golden skin of her ass.

 

———————-

 

They did not have plenty of time. 

 

In fact, thanks to their follow up performance in the shower, they barely made it to the rink before the private back entrance was closed off. 

 

“Alright, we have thirty minutes until the ceremony,” Rey began. “I say we try to find Leia or Luke and get caught up on what we missed before we’re sent into the press fire again.”

 

“Agreed. And barring any real catastrophe we might have time for a quick bite.” 

 

No sooner had Ben spoken the words did he and Rey hear a loud squeal. 

 

“Oh my goodness you two!” 

 

They turned to see a very excited Rose running towards them. 

 

“I knew it!” She hurled herself at Rey and Ben, throwing her arms around each of their necks as she sandwiched herself between them, no small feat for such a tiny human being like herself. 

 

Rose was most definitely Rey’s friend, and although he had no issue with Rose, he also had no real friendship with her either, so this display of affection was surprising, to put it mildly. 

 

“Well first let me say congratulations,” Rose began, pulling back from her hug. “You two totally deserved the gold I can’t even-”

 

She stopped mid sentence, her eyes widening and zeroing in on Ben’s neck. 

 

“Holy shit!” 

 

Ben looked around, “What?” 

 

Rose’s eyes got even  _ wider. _ “Damn you two! I mean I knew you guys would be good together but that is one big hickey, Ben.” 

 

Rey’s own gaze widened in incredulity once she spotted what Rose had seen. “Oh shit.” 

 

“How bad is it,” Ben grimaced. 

 

“It’s bad,” Rose said. 

 

“Pretty bad,” Rey agreed.

 

“Fuck.” 

 

“I can fix it,” Rose exclaimed. She grabbed Ben’s hand - again with the physical contact - and pulled him down the hall towards a bathroom. 

 

Luckily it was one of the big, single stall family ones, and Ben found himself standing in front of the sink, with Rey seated in the corner and Rose hopped up onto the counter in front of him. The contents of her makeup bag were strewn about the counter as Ben awkwardly stood in between her thighs while she rubbed concealer and highlighter and god knows what into his neck. 

 

“It’s a good thing you have me,” Rose snickered as she applied color correcting foundation onto the deeper parts of Ben’s bruised neck.

 

“And why’s that?” Ben could hear the smile in Rey’s voice. He was getting good at detecting her happiness. 

 

“The press would have had a field day if you two showed up on the podium like this.” Rose shook her head. “It’s bad enough all anyone wants to talk about is your kiss from last night.” 

 

“It was a pretty great kiss,” Rey said. 

 

“Ugh! Stop it! You guys are too cute.” Rose’s tone may have been playful and light, but her blending habits were anything but. Ben was worried she was just making the bruise  _ bigger _ with how hard she was hitting his neck. 

 

“There! All better.” Rose jumped down from the sink, allowing Ben to inspect her work. 

 

The love bite was completely covered, and Rose had even blended the area into his skin so it didn’t look patchy. 

 

“It looks great, Rose. Seriously thank you.” Ben heard Rey behind him, turning to see her embrace Rose. 

 

“Anything for you guys,” Rose said. “You know I ship it!” 

 

The girls laughed as they pulled away from each other, and before Ben could second guess himself he pulled Rose into her own hug. “Thank you.” 

 

Rose beamed, a light blush to her cheeks. “Anytime,” she squeaked, clearing her throat and packing up her makeup. 

The trio left the bathroom, parting ways as Rose went towards the seats and Rey and Ben headed towards the back area where they were due to queue up for the ceremony. 

 

After checking in and rushing into line, Ben and Rey finally had a few moments before the ceremony started.

 

Ben took Rey’s hand, bringing it up and kissing it lightly.

 

“What’s that for,” Rey asked, her tone light but hesitant. 

 

“Because I love you,” Ben murmured into her palm. 

 

The brightness of her smile outshined the sun. “I love you too.” 

 

The Olympic music began and they were ushered onto the podium while the speakers announced their gold medals. 

 

Ben took it all in - the roar of the crowd, the heat from the lights, the sigh of disgust from Hux to his left as he bent to receive his gold medal, the cool feeling of Rey’s hand enclosed in his own. 

 

If this never happened again, that would be alright with Ben. Ben loved winning, but he loved Rey more. 

 

**February 18th, 2022. Medal Ceremony. Beijing National Stadium. Beijing, China.**

 

It happened again. 

 

Somehow, four years later, Rey found herself standing on the top of the podium, about to be awarded a gold medal in pairs figure skating with Ben by her side. 

 

Ben. 

 

Her partner.

 

Her best friend.

 

Her boyfriend. 

 

Her future. 

 

Somehow, four years later, they were still together. Stronger than ever, winning National Championships, World Championships, and now a second gold medal before Ben and Rey retired from the skating world. 

 

Well, only partly. 

 

They were taking over Resistance back home when they returned. They had already announced it to the press, that this would be their last year competing and that they would be manning the helm of the newly renovated Resistance Skating Company in Boston. 

 

Leia, turns out, was waiting for Ben to come home before she and Luke retired. She forced Han to retire too, after having only returned to Logan Airport for a couple years once he was given the all clear by the doctors. The pilot was still doing small leisurely trips, much to Leia’s dismay. “ _ You can take the pilot out of the air, but not the air out of the pilot _ ,” as Han said. 

 

So yes, things were going well. Great, even, by many accounts. 

 

So that’s why - as Rey and Ben stood waving at the crowd, gold medals around their necks, National Anthem playing in the background - Rey was so caught off guard. 

 

She wasn’t expecting it. 

 

_ And the rockets red glare _ ,  _ the bombs bursting in air. _

 

Ben dropped his arm, turning to face Rey on the podium. Confused, but still waving she turned to look at him. 

 

He gazed at her like he always did, with wonder and joy and love and it took Rey’s breath away, like it always did. 

 

She fully stopped breathing when he knelt down on one knee next to her. 

 

It was a sight, Ben’s large body cramped on the top of the podium, slightly using his grip on Rey’s hand to steady him. In any other case, Rey would laugh at how ridiculous he looked. 

 

She wasn’t laughing now.

 

No, now she was crying. Tears were gushing down her face as she saw Ben reach into the pocket of his skate pants and pull out a little black velvet box -  _ how could I have missed that? - _ opening it to show the delicate ring inside.

 

Nestled within sat a ring - a gorgeous ring, with silver filigree vines crawling up the sides of the thin band that reminded Rey of the vines of greenery back in their garden at home. A clear, bright,  _ large  _ diamond was set in the middle, raised slightly from the vines that led the eye to the center. Surrounding the base of the main ring were smaller, tiny flecks of diamonds spattered along the delicate design. 

 

“Rey,” he began. It was loud,  _ so loud _ , with the music and screaming fans, but all Rey could see and hear and sense was Ben. 

 

“For some reason, the universe - or my mom - brought us together. To help each other, to skate with each other, to love each other. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I would trade away every medal, every score, every joy in my life if that meant I could keep being with you. You are the strongest, smartest, funniest person I know. You are my best friend.” A single tear ran down Ben’s cheek, and Rey’s own hand came up to brush it away.

 

“I’ve loved you since the moment I met you, and can’t imagine a moment in the future where I won’t love you. Will you marry me?” 

 

Was that really a question?

 

Not trusting her own voice, Rey shook her head vigorously, whispering “ _ yes” _ over and over into his shoulder as he stood up and pulled her into an embrace. 

 

Wrapped in his arms, lights flashing around them, Rey turned her head and bumped her nose with Ben’s. 

 

“I love you,” she whispered against his lips. 

 

“I love you too, Ice Princess,” he smirked before crushing his lips to hers. 

 

—

 

The ring fit perfectly, and Rey wore it everyday, even through each of her labors for their son and daughters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it! Thank you all so so much for reading this work. A special thank you to my beta [fabradicalfem](https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/), for being my motivation and letting me scream into the void constantly at her. 
> 
> I had such fun creating this little story, and can't wait to share more with you all soon. (:

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I welcome your comments, questions, and ideas so hit me up on [tumblr](https://the-little-momaid.tumblr.com/) (the-little-momaid) if you'd like to talk about this fic, reylo, or anything really! I'm trash and proud. 
> 
> I'm aiming for a once-a-week update schedule but honestly I'm a hot mess of a person so we'll see!


End file.
